If Only Tonight

Tonight I hold the space where you laid-
It doesn't take a genius to know I messed up again.
I sniff that broken sound and recall
all those times you'd hold my crying figure
Hold it close to your own warm body.
And now, all I can do is laugh.
Laugh at myself in pity.
Because this inner feeling is building
And devouring my soul
It's surging through my entire being
And trying to break out
Be released into this world
Released where it can be free
Away from this prison
A prison where you don't know what bars are
What is keeping you in?
Why can't this feeling be released?
Why can't it just vanish?


My head is on the pillow closest to the phone
I know it won't ring.
All poets already know before they start writing
That the phone won't ring.
And I'm still waiting.
Us romantics are so helpless.
So helpless, We've earned the name 'Hopeless'.

The bowling ball in my throat grows larger.
I'm trembling now.
I can't make it without you.
I've tried so hard.
Please call.
Please call and save me.
Save me
I just wish...
The scent of your hair
I remember it so vividly
Those dimples at the edge of your lips.
Remember? How much you hated them?
I always loved them.
And feelings of your soft figure next to mine.
How I would trace Perfection's outline in the darkness.
And those times of being held
During our moments of intimacy.
Remember I swore
I was yours and only yours?
It's never changed.
Those urges racing through my body
How I held you and thought I'd never let go
Don't you remember?!
Can you even bring yourself to?
Can you get up the next day content
When I can't even sleep through the night?
I just wish...
I just wish that these sheets under my hands
Would be straight again
and not wrinkles underneath closed fingers
and that this pillow case could be dried again.
But as time passes, the liquid wont evaporate.
And that I didn't feel a winter chilled stuffed bear next to me
but your warm skin and hands.
I just wish for cleanlinesses
and that lost feeing of contentment
I just wish
Only for the feeling of your breath in my neck
as I hold you while you sleep.
Could you love me again
Given the chance?
I just wish for that rose scented pillow
That you carried with you as you left the apartment door.

I just wish you were mine for tonight.