I see specs of stardust in your eyes,
sparkling throughout the starry night skies,
shimmering and twirling for all to see,
a dance of the heavens, an immense beauty.
I feel your touch upon my skin,
explosions arise from deep within,
love and lust encased as one,
may all my pain become undone.
I feel your lips pressed to mine,
all planetary bodies in my heart align,
little drops of heaven fall from your eyes,
i knew that you loved me, that day that you cried.
I still remember the look on your face,
when god took you to that special place,
you were ripped right out of my heart,
we believed we would never be torn apart.
Now i sit on my throne as angels sing,
with a warmth only you could bring,
my heart bleeding on the floor,
the wounds you left, forever raw.
Fireworks explode in my heart, with a kiss,
why god, why did it have to end like this?
My head spins when i sense you near,
whisper in my ear i have nothing to fear.
Sentimental cravings for your elegant beauty remain,
blood red rubies show the pain,
i hold onto the dream as my heart cries,
if only forever, but it was denied.
A love i knew could never be torn,
but here i am, in my flowing white gown, reborn.
Author notes
girl loves boy,
boy dies
it's like 10 years after
and she has a dream about him
then remembers all about him etc etc
and then gets married...
it's about how your first true love with always be with you whilst willing you to get on with your life and be happy for the sake of that person.
A contest entry
- Round One of Five by Kei-Aira.
450 points, ended February 5, 2008, 27 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 6 of 6
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This was a deep piece and certainly hits the heart of this woman. Full of great emotion and imagery. Thanks for sharing and best wishes to you. Keep that pen handy dear poet.
♥ Touchof1der -
Intriguing
Within your poem lies a diamond amongst treasure. How to say it? Throughout this piece there is some amazing passion, truth and emotion. In contrast to this are bits and pieces of cliche and somewhat boring language (in comparison to the really powerful parts of this poem).
I think if you continually worked on this, really pushed at it and got more fellow poets to really critique it...it could be something breathtaking.
There is something very powerful here and I think if you continue to work at finding more unique ways to express imagery and your metaphors, you would discover that beneath what you've already written, wonderful as it is, there is a treasure beneath this treasure.
Your poem is inspiring. Very well done!
"Sentimental cravings for your elegant beauty remain,"
This line made me smile.
Blessings,
C
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Whoops. Caught with egg on my face. If you saw my previous review and thought it harsh, it was not intended for you, I clicked the wrong contest.
Sorry for the inconvenience. Excuse the assholeness. -
Good
You take the reader by the hand and lead them into your heart where they feel welcomed. The imagery is perfect. Nice flow of words and a interesting sounding poem with just the right flow to make the reader ponder the depth of the words as they strike the page.
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I loved this
The story was so heartbreaking and you made your characters alive...I could feel her pain and the love that is tearing her up inside...I could relate to this feeling...wanting something so badly that it hurts ...loving someone that is not there..You crave to hold them , smell their perfum, kiss them so tenderly but they are out of sight, it is like reaching for something out of reach ....it was very descriptive and filled with passion and pain
Love it !
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