With a fan in her right hand
she danced upon the platform of his soul
marvelous in her tempo
pained in her beauty
she continued in her feel
as love traced the shape
of her body as it twirled
from one end to another
his eyes be stilled...
she didn’t want him,
just wanted him to notice her...
Author notes
Option 3 ark Blue
A contest entry
- What 's the point? by black hearted rebel.
450 points, ended November 18, 2007, 10 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - MORNING QUICKIE by doyouloveit.
491 points, ended November 17, 2007, 10 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Black Jealousy Ink, by Kylaya Halon.
600 points, ended March 21, 2008, 11 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Love... Envy... Fabulous by Pretty Britty.
750 points, ended April 4, 2008, 46 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Give me anything! by ASmileForYou.
560 points, ended December 16, 2008, 138 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 19 of 19
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You're right we are on the same page...right up my alley. A fine write dear young poet...after just one read.
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You make a very good point about society in such and intricate way.
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thank you and I have a published book with all of those many poems
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If that doesn't make the guy in there feel depressed, I don't know what will. Very good job, and thanks for entering!
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Wonderful poem!
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Beautiful job!!!!!!!
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Thanks for entering my contest and best of luck!
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I really like this poem - it's written in this soft voice and has quite a powerful meaning behind it. Very well done!
Thank you for entering the contest, I wish you the very best!
Leander -
could you please go back and read the rules for my contest, you forgot some important information.
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A bit confused. Will provide better insight when it returns.
"beauty in pain" ambiguous. Better -
woah.....that was really touching.Thank you for entering my contest."the platform of his soul" was a great metaphor,btw.i might have to borrow it ;] lol
Good luck!
-Phoenix -
OOOOO>.... I Liked it, it reminded me of sometimes how I feel. Though mines a bit different, I just want to voice my opinions alot of the times. Good job, you portrayed the image very well.
happy holidays
`names
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I loved this. The whole thing. It was beautiful. Seduction. Ah, wonderful. =]
~Perfectly Ruined~
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Nice
I really like this line..."she danced upon the platform of his soul"
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I think everyone in life wants to be noticed. This is a beautiful piece... deadly in a way. Hurting people is something dangerous... something we can intentionally or unintentionally do to others... but as soon as u have it done to you u learn from it. Wonderful expression in this piece.
hugs,
Georgie,
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i can relate to what you have penned here from this picture and i am glad you wrote this amazing piece thanks for entering
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this is really good. thanks for entering and good luck!
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wow
I love this!No I really do love this!So cute!Thanks for entering and good luck!
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