[tonight, might i suggest a change?]
considering that you control every.move.i.make
i'm sure you won't mind what i'm about ask.
[let's do this the way it was meant to be done]
have you ever wondered what it looks like
(when we make l♥ve?)
so here's my [indecent] proposal:
use that mirror to watch me loving everything.you.do
cuz i know you wanna see the faces i make for you.
[you.got.me.soaking.wet]
i know you like that [kinky] shxt
so grab my hips (the way you know i like)
turn.me.around
&slam my body against that smooth glass.
[make me watch you turn me out]
{as you fxck me till the sun goes down}
maybe once you decide to take a break
i'll stop pounding [my fists] against our reflection
&when i throw my head back (to see what's coming next)
i'll see you holding that black camcorder.
[recording every euphoric moment]
i must be honest with you bby
watching us makes it feel [even] better
so i have only a few more requests:
pull my hair..bite your lip..
& get r o u g h.
[[bby i love making love in front of the mirror]]
♥
Author notes
can you believe i'm only 14? [and to all who are wondering, this is NOT a true story. i was just listening to a very kinky song and i happened to write this. i haven't done this...yet.]
A contest entry
- Pulsing Stimulation by adsaige.
300 points, ended November 24, 2007, 14 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Dirty Pretty... by silver-X-lining.
650 points, ended November 24, 2007, 13 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
be honest.
Comments
1 - 8 of 8
-
I can't believe that you're fourteen either...
This was amazing. The writing itself is awesome, no awkwardness in the flow, and your word usage, if simple, is good as well.
The emotions and 'realness' of this piece are its strengths (though there are no real weaknesses either...).
"so grab my hips (the way you know i like)
turn.me.around
&slam my body against that smooth glass.
[make me watch you turn me out]
{as you fxck me till the sun goes down}"
"pull my hair..bite your lip..
& get r o u g h.
[[bby i love making love in front of the mirror]]"
Those parts were my favorites. The emotions and concrete (though dreamy) reality of the piece are the most real then. The DP punctuation was also especially well done there and really contributed a lot to the piece.
Nicely written, and thanks for entering...
~QoA -
this was amaaaaaaaaaazing.
wowwowowowowowowowow.
maybe once you decide to take a break
i'll stop pounding [my fists] against our reflection
&when i throw my head back (to see what's coming next)
i'll see you holding that black camcorder.
[recording every euphoric moment]
^^ these were my favorite lines.
=DDD
-
wow. i don't believe that you're 14 from this. i believe that you're some new porn star!!! lol great job though. it's not too graphic, and still has a flow to it. C:
-
This is a very good poem, that captures all the feeling of sex. But I don't know if I can believe that you are only 14, but it all depends on if this is true story or if your mind was running wild with ideas. Either way, this is a good poem.
-
-
ohh don't worry bby, this wasn't a true story. i was listening to a very graphic song and IMing my bf...so i wrote what i was thinking about.
-
-
Judged
I'm not sure if I can believe that you are. Half the time I can't believe I'm fourteen. This poem is one of those that I have to read frequently to truly capture how I feel about it. It's like you read it, then later you realize you really, really, like it. Needless to say, it has to grow on me. -
Hot
Hot! Erotic! sexy sexy sexy! Yeah baby, that's what it sall about~ -
sexay, hun
nicely written
Adding your comment:
1 - 8 of 8
