Trying to live up to everyone's expectation,
is driving a nail through my self exploration.
I'm drifting through time in levitation,
torn between life's inspiration.
Trying to find piercing consultation,
to give my mind it's hopeful salvation.
Searching for that elusive fascination
to capture every ones imagination.
Lying, thinking and meditation
seem to be my only relaxation.
The only way to heart registration
is to capture my own recognition.
A contest entry
- Rhymed prewrites only ... by ecrivain01.
750 points, ended November 14, 2008, 61 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What did you think
Comments
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Not bad ...
thanks for entering. -
neat-o
i thought that this way really good because of the way that you used the large and creative words that end in "tion". i liked the last two lines because they both had the most feeling/thought put into them.
another reason why i like it is that the descriptions that you use to add before the "tion" words
great work my friend!!
Sachi K -
good
It has a nice flow but lacks imagination or passion. Instead of directing the reader with your words to your point of view you should describe the emotions and make us feel how they can effect you. Good but could be better I sense the underlying talent struggling to be released.
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THXS
thanks for the comment i'll work on it and see what i can do. will let you know so maybe you can take another look.
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