The realities of the revolving realm
Would not cease for my fallen soul
But smeared my face in the mud
Never allowing me to rank
Amongst the great I admired
Life threw reality at me like stones
At an all too breakable window
That let in the air of winter
And made icicles of hate
That stabbed me through my flesh
And pierced me through my soul
I died to be born again
And live in darkness
Alone and somber
Stumbling through the rooms
Searching for a light
Or a calming voice
Or a prayer of peace
To finally be answered
But I never saw even a fading or distant light
And I never heard even a whispering voice
And I felt my prayers never rose above me
But dwindled around me and died in the night
I slept on the concrete floor of life
Without even a blanket for warmth
While the world continued to blow winds
Making sure to keep my heart frozen
And in time I gave into the dark side
The demons that dimmed the day
And darkened my dreams
Preventing my prayers from surfacing
The clouds that blocked the sun
I hoped through the broken window
I would see the sun out shine the shadows
The entrapment of my spirit
But like a prisoner with a life sentence
I waited in vain and in darkness
To be released before the rats devoured me
Was it cleche?
Comments
1 - 12 of 12
-
love it
that last line very bone chilling great work
-
good write
wow this poems words are alot like mine so of course i am going to like it how ever i do think your style is better than mine, while reading your poem i saw things in there that are in many of my works... so i hope you take the time to read some of mine to help me grow as a writer and not only that to give you a hand that cares and show you that you are not alone in life hurtles and fights... some how through all the sadness there is hope well at leased i try to think there is so keep your head up and never stop writing i have read most of the featured poems today and this one by far has to be the best -
this is amazing
-
wow this is an amazing write. Very powerful and really well put together Keep writing you are very talented! In some ways I can relate to this poem! Once again really great write!!
-
An interesting poem... the first stanza is very long, and I think it ought to be devided. Personally, I don't like capping the first letter of each line, as it detracts from the flow, but to each their own.
An interesting write, thank you for sharing. God bless -
no not cliche
however I am out of breath from reading it Grins a fine write you have here.
-
I liked the poem. The first nineteen lines especially. There is nothing cliche about that bunch. And they flow so well. Almost a perfect poem on their own.
-
No it wasn't cliche! This poem was very clearly written! The hope at the beginning and then the despair at the end was powerful!
My favorite lines would be "Life threw reality at me like stones, At an all to breakable window..."
again, the imagery and clearness were WONDERFUL! =) -
Good poetry makes the reader feel something and I felt what you were feeling when you wrote this. Cliche? No! Life threw reality at me like stones.........I liked this line. Lots of great imagery as well. Over all a very good piece.
-
wow.
this is verrrrry nice!
'I slept on the concrete floor of life'
extremely interesting! you had several EXTREMELY WELL CRAFTED LINES IN HERE! but this was my fav.
you also had the tiniest amount of cliche, so small tho, could almost miss it.
-
This is good. When I saw the title, I was quick to judge, but you're choice of words and imagery were quite unique. I liked them.
All in all, you get a 3 out of 3. -
cleche? Not really, at least I didn't think so. It made a worn subject unique, and easily relatable while still staying personal. I loved the imagery and really enjoyed this.
Adding your comment:
1 - 12 of 12
