Two poems hit the bricks tonight
splattered the sidewalk from passing cars
ruined the bridal gown and
soaked Maria to her soul
her soul
The wine like Marilyn Monroe
you know, it's so
well structured
but this, this bottle
is Marilyn in white linen
you know?
Jai died last night
Jai died
the bastard
before I ever met him
gone like puffballs
once sweet flesh
spore dust flying
Bastard!
Prepare to watch the National News
finally we get to see the guy
they tasered in the airport
We get to watch them do it
We get to watch
his dying twitch
We steel ourselves
We clad ourselves
We cast ourselves
armored
against the cold.
Rip away.
Comments
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live long in death...
steep in a seat.
a will to keep what can not be restored.
these are entreating devices, vile and timed to perfection.
talk about not knowing about what's being talked about and not caring, this rims the stem of my glass to a frigid blend of incantation. with serendipity at the helm, who's gliding the skies? ~ EZB
www.moodgroove.com
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dare to watch
do not dare to think
they say gossip
they say life
line spawn spam
it's safetynet time
always on the news
for you to sleep in peace
no more than a chainsaw massacre
smile and get rich on it
how many cents a glass of Marilyn Monroe?
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i like it when you get all passionate.
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Is the poem about death or is the poem about justice? I can't really tell. I don't think the title does the poem good.
I don't know who Jai is and I'm feeling a bit confused if I should be struggling to understand his death like the struggle to understand the death of the man by taser (I'd put his first and last name in by the way) caught on video tape. Maybe you are trying to do that - minimize death to just what it is - dying. But I tend to think not because of your last stanza (and reading your reply to a comment).
Herein lies my problem with this poem, your mechanics are, as always really, really good, the sound, the beat, repetition and I could walk away saying "great sounds blah blah blah"
but I believe you want this poem to say more (even though you often say that one of your teachers said "go with music first" ) I can't imagine that you want the death of Robert to just be that, poetically. I think this is Zara struggling with something deeper than that and asking in poemtalk for the rest of us to struggle with it too..
I could be completely wrong and that could very well be my wish. Bottom line for this poem, I think you could accomplish what I want ( laughing out loud ) by attempting a better title ..
Your comment about how Canadians view themselves is very telling, actually, as if there was some safety net over the humankind that live in Canada that protects the citizens of that country from the very essence of what makes us all human -- our ability to fuck up.
And ya know, I take lots of hits for appearing to be unable to "take a side" sometimes when looking and reading poems -- but I think it is the artist job to NOT preach and remind us over and over again I is We.
(I'd consider knocking off "tonight" in the first line)
I'd consider the title especially if you were going to send it out in Canada which I absolutely think you should.
Did any of that make any sense?
More please.
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You are dead on, girl: always, the struggle.
Confession though: this one dropped into the box just as I was about to go to bed that night. I don't usually do that, as you know. Anyhow, I have no idea what I was wanting to say. Just a whole bunch of crap happened that night, so I put it down. Not a poem, but hey.
Thanks, as always, for your precious time.
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P.S. Oh I think you are incorrect, I believe it is a poem. Just needs a bit of fine-tuning.
Where's Joe? You got a whole thing going on there with Joe and this one and your mother poems.
little series ya know?
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this is a good poem... full of emotion and i am going to leave my other thoughts out of this.
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I like the sneaky syncopated rhyme and the twitches.
Don't watch the news.
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You know I wrote on the forum yesterday that I am ashamed to be British because of the Jean-Charles Menezes murder here in UK. The news follows the inquiry and runs footage as allowed no doubt and each time the shreds of trust in the infrastructure of government and state authority get even more tattered.
I saw this about the tasered Canadian man on the news last night and the little details of it, the twitch, it well there are no words are there for how it affects you right there in your living room. Other than how you bring it home in the poem and that seems that you have done it beyond the words on the page anyway.
The news item here was followed by the story of a man in Leeds who went into a diabetic coma and slumped over his rucksack on the bus. They called the armed police in who shouted at him, but of course he couldn't hear so didn't respond. Tasers 'aren't used here' but he was tasered. Fortunately he lived to tell the tale and sue the authorities. Whether he got anywher I don't know.
The puff ball stanza- god I feel sick to my stomach. The corruption of once sweet flesh and explosion of spores. What an image for not only what they do but what they are.
It's a bit early in the day for commenting for me, and my head is all over the place, so I shall probably be back a few times but I had to crash in with this ramble.
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Well, you know, we Canadians probably take too much pride in our reputation as peaceful, polite people. We have our share of assholes. I have waited at the very place Mr. Dziekanski died, many times, and I have come through those doors myself. The place signified joy, until now.
Are those "in authority" conditioned to believe people are inherently bad? People with health issues are really at risk, if that's the case. Whatever happened to "ask questions first?"
I hate that I needed to watch the whole thing on TV, but this public airing of events gives no wiggle room for the police, so I suppose it's a good thing, at the expense of the final shreds of dignity of poor Mr. Dziekanski. My husband wouldn't watch; he's wiser than me.
Thanks for crashing.
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this is a history thing... and even though i don't know what it's about.. i get the feel and the vibe of it...
the standing together part... and the stoic wine and the strength of woman...??
im full of cold medicine and feeling a bit yucky... and full of germs... and such... so my foggy head might be missing the point of this... but im just glad like Liza that you posted
so... good
good for posting
and food for my tired brain
G.x
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damn....
I'm not going to rip this one .. I'm just going to soak in the shame of it..
I wonder if people will still call Canadians as friendly after this one..
stunning ...isn't it? ....not to pun. ouch ..
I love the repetition in this, all the doubled words ...kind of like a stutter, and the sounds they make..
it's got a beat ...in the words.. god I'm making myself laugh with my very poor choice of examples here....
I'd go on....but I think they'd just get worse..
All I can say is.. this is wonderful..and yay!! you posted..
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