Cut through my hands. Pierced through my feet.
Blood and water ooze from my side.
Veils of this mist, rip as we meet.
Wrapped in my shroud, onward I ride.
Tortured by thirst, shards and defeat,
emptied, broken, weeping; I died.
Cut through my hands. Pierced through my feet.
Blood and water ooze from my side.
Come to my aid, open your doors,
my conscripted, humbled elite:
murderers, thieves, liars and whores,
bastards, drunkards, spouses who cheat,
arrogant rich, makers of wars,
poetic man, lost in conceit.
Come to my aid, open your doors,
my conscripted, humbled elite.
Freeing justice, passions sublime,
resurrect my flesh into joy.
Ride on with me, rally in time,
into the light, crushing the ploy!
Break its chains. Heal its old crime.
Breathe in deep, a love to enjoy.
Freeing justice, passions sublime,
resurrect my flesh into joy.
Falter, you will. Stumble, you must.
I, for One, won’t count a trespass.
Honesty rules hearts that can trust,
faith beyond just schlepping to mass.
Destiny calls, out from the dust,
parting the seas of ages that pass.
Falter, you will. Stumble, you must.
I, for One, won’t count a trespass.
Waters of life garden this place,
springing trees where lovers will meet.
Wistful designs, wonder and grace,
fruits of vines await to replete.
Female and male, free to embrace,
children's hearts, so whole and complete.
Waters of life garden this place,
springing trees where lovers will meet.
Cut through my hands. Pierced through my feet.
Blood and water ooze from my side.
Veils of this mist, rip as we meet.
Wrapped in my shroud, onward I ride.
Tortured by thirst, shards and defeat,
emptied, broken, weeping; I died
Cut through my hands. Pierced through my feet.
Blood and water ooze from my side.
Author notes
The crucifixion and resurrection of our Christ
A contest entry
- Christian Poems of Spirituality by jjbreunig3.
8500 points, ended November 17, 2007, 13 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 58 of 58
-
good job...i loved the way it read out...like a beautiful song...
good luck
-
Loved this,
finals -
This is a very effective form, and the rhymes, meter and repetitions all weave together to make a rich, resonant poem. Great imagery with universal appeal. The fifth stanza is my personal favourite.
Congratulations on the trophy!
-
Very Good
-
This is deep loved it..
-
FABULOUS!!
This is incredible!!
I am a big fan of how you made the first and last stanzas the same. -
This is compelling and very strong. There is a lot of imagery. I like how you repeated the last line in the first stanza, and used it throughout. Great job.
-
The imagery in this piece is extremely vivid and I can see why it won the silver trophy it netted, and why so many people have left their little yellow clappy people to read this poem over and over again. Nice write.
-
this is a very vivid write from you. congratulations on the silver trophy you have earned with this and i wish you the best of luck in the other contest that you have entered. i am looking forward to reading more from you in the near future. viyanna rosemarie
-
What a beautifu; poem! I love this How you wrote it from Jesus's point of veiw knocking to be let into our hearts. I love it! Thanks so much for entering.
-
Very impressive! Sincerely
-
Your words speak of a profound wisdom. This doesn't mean you are smarter than anyone else. It means you have been willing to open your mind, and your heart to the truth of the human condition. With the magnitude of this one sacrifice, it makes me wonder why it is so hard for some people to even show simple kindness to one another? This piece was truly astounding !!! I am in awe of your words !!!
-
beautiful. very well done.
-
If I could give you a standing ovation for this piece I would!!!! This was so well written and such a deep moving piece!!! I stand in awe and amazement my dear poet.... Truly, you are incredible!!
-
YOU FORGOT THE BEST PART!
H-E'S A-L-I-V-E!!!!!!
-
Very Well Written
You've penned a wonderful masterpiece that is sure worthy of sparkling trophy.. congratulation on your winning that is so very well deserving.. The poem is so well structured with flawless flow of words from the start to the finish with such style and elegance... This is truly a great poem you've written and I loved every line from the first to the last one that speak of such a twisted society we have for which Lord Christ gave up everything including his life and we still don't get it to mend our ways... Thanks for sharing such a brilliant piece... take care Minoo
-
I very much like all the imagery except for "Blood and water ooze from my side." I think that is a little to distracting of an image (at least for me. I'm squeamish) Wonderful poem, I'll have to read the gold place now because this would be a TOUGH one to beat. Anyways, very nice.
-
I had to rush off with only leaving a short comment, although this poem was so well written I have to write more. I am really impressed by your style of writing and have loved every one of your poems I have read. Does this one have any specific traditional structure to it? I do not know enough about poetry to figure it out for myself. I know you spent points to get this featured and I have used up a click, please let me know if you want some points in exchange for that. Thanks.
-
-
See http://allpoetry.com/poem/3338560
One of my favorite AP poets, Eusubius, uses a form that I attempt to imitate when I’m trying to create an image that lingers with the reader for a while. I really botched it in this piece because I missed the internal rhyme in lines 3 & 4 and the meter. To see a really good poem, check out http://allpoetry.com/poem/3338560
Warm regards,
Sultan
PS. Don't worry about the points. I'm happy that anyone takes the time to read and comment.
-
-
Fantastic, I have enjoyed every one of your writes. Keep going.
-
You have a unique way of expressing yourself.When I try to write poems without rhyming it just doesn't click as quickly as I would like it to.Keep up the fantastic writing.I like your style.I found myself living with thoughts of what you were expressing your words it was like I to was going through it.
-
This poem is uncomfortable, which I would guess is deliberate. The first verse exemplifies the pointlessness of the subject seperating from the object, cut off in sacrifice. Then the call to the weak, cowardly whom have professed so much but deliver so little.
The tone then takes a positive note and offers some hope (I really like the couplet 'Falter, you will. Stumble, you must/I, for One, won’t count a trespass...').
But the relief is short lived before we are reminded of what we have created.
This is just my immediate reaction to it, so highly subjective.
I like the repeating of the opening couplet of each verse combined with the repeating of the fist verse as the last. It kind of opens and closes the matter very well. A clearly put take indeed.
I liked it!
-
An amazing work of poetry. I love "waters of life garden... where lovers will meet." So many powerful images; ie. "blood and water ooze from my side," and "wrapped in my shroud, onward I ride." A joy to read.
-
WOW!!!!!!!!
all i can say is wow what a poem this was i wish i could write something like this because i really do like this poem it was a honar to read it.thank you such a beautiful poem it was a tear dropper once again thank you.
-
WONDERFUL WRITE
although I dont share your creed, but the piece is full of wisdom. it is wonderfully written, it shows your great talent, the rhyme scheme is great and imagery. great choice of words and repetition that gives the meanings so much strength. Bravo
-
this is posibly one of the best poems i have EVER read seriously is sooooooooo cool
-
Good
This is a loving Christian affirmation with your personal poetic touch. A marvelous display of emotions as one is led upon a trail of magic moments felt and released by the author. The imagery is well suited for the ambiance that the author has created throughout this piece, one of pious recognition of the suffering and death of Christ to liberate our souls..
-
from out of His side came water and blood, water being symbolic of the spirit? The same symbol used years earlier to describe rib? You earned your silver here poet. Great write.
Judy
-
im not a christian myself... but im interested in christianity... in fact i think 'the passion of the christ' is one of the best movies ever... and this reminded me very much of that. especially the gorier scenes... very graphic. your wording and flow is just brilliant... a gr8 piece... id promote it some more myself if i had the points,
hugs,
georgie,
xxx -
Every time i read this i understand it even more!!
-
i love this! the rhyme of it is just awesome and for once i read a poem and got something out of it lol. It was really thought out and just by reading it I can tell you put a lot of effort into this. Congrats
-
Simply breathtaking.
I am so impressed with
the beauty of this.
Love, Lane
-
An inspirational piece with lots to think about. Enjoyed the read. Congratulations on the Silver! ....JustBreathe
-
Thought I should add a comment to the many, for I very much liked how you set the poem out ^___^
*thumbs up*
-
Very good!!!! I really did enjoy this read.... It was filled with imagination and very thought provolking!!!! Many messages can be read in this lovely peace....
-
WOW exelent.
No wonder you won gold this is excelent. Your rhyme is perfect and the thoughts behind this couldn't be better said. Every thing about this makes a person stop and consider just what was given up for our sins, as well as the thought of just who can be saved. You are a great poet and I enjoy reading your poems. Keep on writing these for you have a talent for this kind of poetry.
-
thanks for sharing
-
Hey man. I'm not even Christian, but this is an **awesome** poem. Wow. God Bless! I hope you make the absolute best you can of your talent!
Keep. It. Up!!!
Salaam (peace)!!
-
Wow...this is such a powerful write that you have penned here
Well deserved trophy for sure
-
incorporating biblical material in to poetry meant for any audience can be either powerful or uncomfortably tense. your poem evokes the might associated with the trinity and other Christian values without imposing on the audience. well done.
-
This ia an awesome poem! I had to read it twice. As soon as I was done reading I went back and read it again. This is really great. Awesome job adn congrats on the silver.
-
WOW
This is a fantastic piece of writing!!! I was amazed by it!! Thankyou for sharing it!!!
-
WOW!!!
I think this is a powerful and honest appraisal and applaud your use of strong adjectives to specify rather than mollify. Great job!
-
Schelpping?
Now that is a word not many may know. But actually this was a great wrote & I get the message
-
I absolutely loved this. Hands down. I loved the wording, and the rhyme scheme and feel was great. The repeating of the first two lines in the end of the stanza was a nice touch. Honestly, this poem was amazing. I agree with Tiger. You should submit this to a contest.
-
SIMPLY AMAZING!
have you ever heard of poetry.com it is a sight like this where you can show your work only they have contest not like here the contest there you can win and be published for and win like 1000$ for and other cool stuff. you're very good and deserve to be famous.
-
Very Good!
This is honestly one of the most thought-out, descriptive poems I've read in some time. Great job! -
This is the best poem I have read in a very long time, it is wonderful. sad yet truthful and the pain is in black and white clearly felt, my heart is deeply touched by this poem! You did a wonderful job at composing this poem....
-
This is with a lot of deep thought
Your brain at times seem like it never quits, good job....mac
-
There are many deep laden layers to this work. I see lots of images here. The repeated lines word very well for me. There is a hypnotic feel to these words, almost trance-like. I feel pain, discomfort but mostly truth. I know this poem is about the Christ. It feels very subtle in places yet, glares in still other places. A very perplexing poem, I am sure, for those who have no knowledge of where the spirit of this work evolved from. Excellent! Best wishes to you in the contest here. A very good featured poem!
Candice
-
Very well written. I got alot of strong imagery out of this poem. Your rhyming was very good overall, and the repeated lines worked well. Certainly a very spiritual aura here. Keep up the good work!
-
A very thought provoking and inspirational piece of poetry which may be read in so many ways and by no means the usual run of the mill words so often churned out about religion and personal beliefs. This poem is far deeper than that. I think it shows us the trials and sacrifices that maybe experienced, not only in life but to attain and maintain a belief. The rythm and rhyme are excellent and the repetition adds to the overall depth of feeling running through each stanza. Good luck in the contest.
-
'humility has the toughest hide' nietzsche
-
Wonderful. Repetition (with subtle shifts in meaning each time) both gives the poem its tone and feeling and keeps it from being 'just another' cliche-ridden spiritual piece. It invites close reading, and just as we think we have a stanza figured out, the repetons appear, forcing us to re-think what we have just understood/assumed.
Well handled, well structured.
-
Disturbing, Probing, Profound, Comforting
This is not a dark poem, but it's not a feel-good poem either. The first stanza rips into us, exposes us and causes us shame initially.."veils of this mist rip as we meet"...I'm there, seeing Jesus face to face as he pauses on the via dolorosa. Who am I ? What have I done to cause this pain?
But the invitation and understanding of 2, 3 and 4...and especially the tender graciousness of 4, give hope. Who cannot find themselves in stanza 2?, and by that we are comforted. 5 -a transcendent image of paradise. The second time, the ending stanza, I don't feel shame. It's just as sharp as the first time, but with the stanzas in between, I feel humility and gratefulness.
-
bravo...
A remarkably polished poem and extremely well done on each and every count...loved it, loved it! bravo... bravo... bravo...
-
The images in this poem are very vivid and I get a feel for something out of Arabian Knights...I see the spiritual meanings you are trying to convey - but I think this poem has a dark feel to it.
I like the finish and the flow of this poem, and I didn't see it as "rap" - but more of a song, something from say "Wizard of Oz"..
Nicely written and good luck!
-
I do get the "spiritual" meaning in this quite well....talking about faith even in the face of adversity......as well as a plea like write to always aim to be the best that you can. Your rhyming is also excellent and makes the entire piece almost hypnotising [that could be the repetition of some of the lines} I also could HEAR it [almost as if it was rap-but I do not know much about rap and if this would qualify] Maybe someone that does sees this comment and would be able to voice their opinion if I am correct on that part?
I did see that the contest calls for Christian Poems of Spirituality, and there is why I get a bit befuddled...so may I ask if you have one particular denomination in mind [or is it mostly metaphorical]? I am asking because of the "shot" rather than "nailed"
regardless of any answer...it is an excellent write and it does speak to the masses [even to those that do not schlepp to church] Nature and the Universe are my church...it is not confined within four walls.
best wishes in the contest,
zzzz
reenie
Adding your comment:
1 - 58 of 58
