[ I would love it if you lied to me ]

I would love it if you lied to me
something I would see through every time
but I found comfort in hearing it
I like it better when you spare my feelings
even if it hurts me in the long run
I like it better when you blind me
make me think you are better than you really are
because in reality
I know you are a smoker
a sex addict
a pig, who doesn't even know if he cares
you are everything I have sworn against
but you would hide it,
to please me,
I miss that side of you,
the person I fell for
the person I was blinded to see the truth in
I care too much
I care too little
it drives you crazy that some weeks
I need to speak with you
and others I will forget that you exist
but then again I feel that you forgot me the longest
I need to walk away
I need to forget about the days I loved you
and remember the days I hated you
the days I would run miles crying
to our favorite songs
you admit you are an asshole
you admit you were wrong
I tell you to stop saying sorry,
I tell you its alright
why?
why do I let everything slide?
I feel like a mistake,
that I need to understand myself before
I can talk to you again.
before I can even try to care about you again

I don't have anything for you.
I don't have any reason for you to come back to me.
in fact you have lost the lust for me
I don't have the attraction anymore
I don't feel the real thing anymore
because every moment that you feel like you have fallen too deeply
you become afraid,
I think I like it better when you lie
I like to forget that you are weak
yet still feel that I am the strong one

I think I want to remain friends,
so I can understand this person I once fell for,
so I can see why I did feel for you at one point
I would really like to understand it
to finally see
the good side of things
because now that I see the devils inside
I need the light
to shine them away,
just so I can hear those lies again,
those lies that covered up your true morals,
your true intentions
because those are the things I love
that is the part of you I really miss.

I don't care what you look like
I don't care about any of the things
that you cared about in me, because if I did,
I never would have said yes to you,
I would have gone on making you think,
I was despriately inlove with matt.