What do you think is your past,
'Twas your present until it ran fast
Making your days mere memory that brought
Smiles an' tears when about it you thought
Tears trickle on the loses you had
Yes! these memories are very sad
Reminding you of friends you thought true
An' who slowly left you as they grew,
But sometimes memories bring delight
That give your heart a new light
Riminding you of days when loved by all
When there were all heights no fall
Of your tears an' joys they're reason
Memories take you through all seasons
Making you laugh when your heart dies
Showing you success that ahead lies
Author notes
Read it from your heart as I wrote it from there you'll know what I mean!
A contest entry
- ANYTHING!!!!! (except crap!) by Cherokee.
1000 points, ended November 17, 2007, 18 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Do you think it's nice?
Comments
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This needs work and I'll be specific. Lets start with the last line "showing your success that ahead lies". This is not the way people talk. We would say "lies ahead" if we were to say that line at all. This is what is known as forced rhyme or making something work when it doesn't. This piece is full of examples of that.
"of your tears 'an joys they're reason" doesn't even begin to make sense to me.
sigh...
Thank you for sharing your thoughts. Keep on writing and reading. If you want a good example of rhyme, read an AP poet called masterblaster. Good luck. -
This is a very amazing poem. Thank you so much for blessing me and the AP community the chance to read this marvelous piece. Keep up the excellent work. Never stop penning. Keep that ink flowing and good luck to you and your poem in this contest.
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