the trees tell no secrets,
through vulnerable eyes
memories drip,
his impulsive actions yield torturing vertigo,
wind blessing and biting,
his unfaithful stare, his betraying grip,
she deserved this, he'd tell her,
and she'd believe him,
the trees tell no secrets,
and neither will she
Author notes
pain
option 1
A contest entry
- 6 Options. PW allowed :) by Ghetto Superstar..
425 points, ended November 25, 2007, 13 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - ~ SET the BAR ~ Anything Goes~ Possible of 5750 points handed out! by Florida Sunshine.
950 points, ended February 24, 2008, 175 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - project poetry season one [prewrite & fresh auditions] by blackday.
600 points, ended March 27, 2008, 24 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 8 of 8
-
The poem wasn't great all the way through. Broken glass is cliche. It really is. But the ending 4 lines were good. If you can give me a poem like that, that type of amazingness, then I will consider you for the group.
-
I really liked this. It was simple, yet complex at the same time (if that makes sense). The imagery was wonderful, and I'm glad to find someone that isn't afraid to expand their vocabulary. The last two lines are amazing, and struck a chord in me. The length fits it perfectly, though I somewhat do wish it was longer.
Thank you for entering, and good luck
Jeanette*~ -
This is really sad ~ your point is well made in just a few lines... I'm really think so many woman stay quiet about the pain men give... Time we stop being quiet~ and TELL TELL TELL ~ Tell it to anyone who will listen~
Nice job~ cleaver through and through I definately got the point.
Thanks for entering my "Set the Bar" Contest ~ good luck to you~ well done~ -
hmmm... I do wish that this had some kind of punctuation and grammer... It would have made it so much better... not just commas everywhere lol
One question though... how can bruised memories drip like glass.... lol I couldn't think of how... but its also like 12:00 at night so I would just like come feed back
Otherwise... I love the diction that you use in this piece... but like I said.. now it needs some syntax. -
-
actually I thought it was" Memories drip like broken glass" ~ thus if you've seen glass shatter away~ each piece holding a memory of how your torn apart by the damage done when being beaten~ ... Least thats how I understood it~
-
-
-
Dark and Mysterious
This is a short, concise piece. The mood is alluring. The sensation tense. I like the mention of the trees, that they "tell no secrets" - the line draws the reader in. Wouldn't change a thing. Great piece. -
very nice, made me think of a person i'm close to who is in an abusive relationship. the third and fourth lines were creative. good work
Adding your comment:
1 - 8 of 8
