Dusk and dust envelop this intriguing Amish couple,
as she watches through the windshield of her parked car.
She's been observing sporadically for well on seven weeks,
as they've taken the old relic of a house
from disrepair to today's refurbished splendor.
It will be their home.
Out in the adjacent field, his straw hat barely visible,
an elder guides a team of Belgians five across
from the furrows of the tract toward the dying sunlight.
She follows them with her eyes, marveling their magnificence
and his unassuming control of their power.
They are the source of the dust.
Outside the house another Amish woman, perhaps
their mother, unhanging clothes, while a baby
plays upon a blanket on the ground. Black bonnet on her head,
flowing soft blue dress, and bib apron, she works
serenely as the sun melts warmly down the western sky,
leaving in its wake the dusk.
Dwindling moments of a day that mark a turning point
for the young couple and their unseen spectator.
For them a place to make a loving home amongst
their brethren and for her a revelation in her life.
She's committed once again to love's entanglements.
Dusk and dust have claimed another.
Author notes
#30 - A run down house
A contest entry
- the shape of love by Nicolette.
1950 points, ended December 3, 2007, 25 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - I need HOPE by yourbentangel.
400 points, ended November 19, 2007, 20 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Emotions. by lilblueeyesmine1978.
450 points, ended December 24, 2007, 44 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - 196th Contest by Tarja.
450 points, ended February 6, 2008, 11 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 16 of 16
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Just grabbed me, by the very fact that an Amish couple were in a car! Then I thought, "No, silly... it's the observer who's in the car!"
So I read and re-read.
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This had much imagery and a very interesting story behind it. I was captivated by the words you used and the flow of this piece, well done and good luck.
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This is a well written perception of a great life. Thanks for sharing this and I hope to read more from you soon maybe after the contest. Thanks again for entering this great story.
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She's committed once again to love's entanglements.
Dusk and dust have claimed another.
^ my favorite lines.
something about this poem really touched me. and i like the flow.
well done poet.
Abby -
A very different take on the contest theme , yet there is something so very endearing about this poem, about this woman looking back at a house and a life, yet also committing herself to “love’s entanglements”. You’ve created some lovely visuals here and managed to place the reader there…right in the woman’s eyes. I really liked this line “they are the source of the dust” – just something about the way you said it that I really like! A lovely piece of writing – thank you so much for this entry.
~ Nicolette
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this is very intriguing...I
could see everything vividly...
I would find it rather difficult
to not give this a trophy.
Love, Lane
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Thank you for the kind comment, Lane. My heroine "She" seems to make frequent appearances in my better pieces. I must say I'm delighted that it found favor with you. Makes it all the better, dont'cha know? :-)
A60sMan
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lovely you put a lot of thought into this
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This is a beautiful piece of beauty and serenity... well done on making it to the front page, well worth the read
Karen -
a very beautiful piece, filled with wonderful imagery portraying a quiet peaceful lifestyle. I'm not so sure of the non-violent description of counting coup, but do agree it makes for a fine title. A thoroughly enjoyable read.
Rory
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While this was outstanding, and a pleasure to read, I am not sure how this fits in with hope. I love this and think that there is outstanding talent here. Thanky you very much for entering.!
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I would have thought this piece to represent "hope for the future". Obviously, one of us is mistaken. :-(
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Love the title, clear from the outset that no it shouldn't have been 'courting' and counting was apt in this instance. Love the hope of settling down amongst new people in a new home, the hope of the harvest from the field and the hopw of the new baby to come and life as a family. A very heart warming picture, cosily written with excellence in my view. Bravo!
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"Counting Coup" was a game played by the Native Americans of the Great Plains. And while it meant to them a non-violent way of counting battle victories, I thought it appropriate for the victory achieved by the "Dusk and dust", when they claimed her heart at the end of the poem.
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Wonderful how you took dust and dusk and showed them and then combined them in the final lines. That was great craft. I also like the way you wrote "unhanging clothes" - that was really creative. This is a lovely entry - good luck in the contest.
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Tone and atmosphere--and their supports, line, diction, and rhythm--fit the content perfectly here, making this a pleasure to read.
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