Many people (well, few, actually, really, if I were totally honest) have rushed to this bijou seaside resort to bask in the ample greyness of its pathetic environs. I was drawn south in order to trip delightedly over the dog excrement along the famous prom. But never have I had such a shocking and fucking woefully awful time in all my livelong days.........
Strutting as I was along the aforesaid prom with a small ugly and smelly dog of my acquaintance, totally unpunctuated in every way,,,,, my butt ugly canine was viciously attacked by a total chav on a stolen skateboard holding a cheap litre of 'voddy' and twenty high tar Richmond aloft in one paw bitten, as it was, to the quick..... (such visible nerves at the paucity of poise and gentility)(note the strand of utter unpunctuousness, still).... but as I was.....
SAYING oops, shouting, suddenly, many many many professors of english grammar came rushing at my pooch and I and felled us in a (or should that be an) hospitalising moment. Over us they swarmed until we were utterly pleasured - OOOOPs - exhausted by their probing prose (and nose). They made merry with doggie and me and the local constabulary could not have cared less. Our statements were utterly wrongest spled.
The pooooooor weeeeee doggie has to be sedated for every journey past the nick. It needs to be said......
NEVER NEVER NEVER will I or my darling canine venture forward (or backward) to Littlehampton again..... (I ask you, littleHAMPTON???? hampton wick and rhyming slang? No, never) xx
Author notes
Ah, the West Beach......... Fish heads and DSS
In a list
A contest entry
- CONTEST: Memories of Where? by Barry Hodges.
600 points, ended November 20, 2007, 6 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 5 of 5
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I forgot to mention I have already done "Memories of Littlehampton"..... http://allpoetry.com/poem/3530064
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Barry, daaaahling. So sorry I made you experience deja vu. And triple sorries that you had already visited the Pearl Of The South! How did I miss such a postcard?? Maybe I will re-submit with a Welsh visit if time has not, sadly, elapsed. Ever been to Llanffynydd? If not, phone me.......... xx
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I thought you did very well with this but I think Barry would have had more blood and guts. I take my hat off to you because I couldnt even come close to this. x
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I am impressed you know about the rhyming slang bit. The rest of it has some merit. I think I would have hoped for a few deaths though.
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Barry daaarling (not stalking)
Thanks so much for the hon mench - you are a mench - big hampton to you my dear!! xx chills xx
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