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Addiction to Affliction






We measure time by bottles and I've had more than a few
Trained with basic reactions, so I don't know what to do
Tortured by mass descriptions, I have left this life to hate
And when you stare right back at me, you'll know it's far too late

The morbid days consume my soul, each day I grow some less
I've lost all plans to rectify and so I blame distress
Burdened chorus, forced vocal chords, that is just how we sing
But dreams break down every time, and shatter everything

Time decreases with every step, they say I've lost my mind
The evolvement of words, you'll see, these terms are redefined
What was insane is not absurd in what we call today
Corrupt disguise; society - controls to our dismay

Disturbed by thoughts irrelevant - they simply don't make sense
Closing our eyes to what is wrong - then pity consequence
These words detract the stage we're in - The facts are so much more
Though I dare not preach to this world, we've lost it from the core

So ask me why I live this life - [though I'll claim I have none]
And I'll answer - if I exist - when all this play is done
They teach the world to contemplate but how much do they think?
So down last calls, and order more, I've so much more to drink

 

 

 




One tequila, two tequila, three tequila, FLOOR!
Four tequila, five tequila, keep adding some more!
Six tequila, seven tequila, lets get up to EIGHT!
Nine tequila, ten tequila, hell, it's far too late
But oh well, 11, 12, - 13 tequila slammers
just one more is all I need to really get me hammered!

 

 

 

 

Author notes

Partial Collaboration.
We both used this line:
"We measure time by bottles and I've had more than a few"
And then continued it separately.
Then helping each other with the editing, flow, rhyme and what not.

The link to his poem: [ Addiction to Affliction - By George ]
Note: His is a completely different poem.

Then, the little verse down there is something we've both made... [drunk idiots, lol]
And the background was created by both of us too!

x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x

Also, I want to dedicate this write to Mike [ degarmo ]
Most of this are his thoughts put into my words.
So Mike, this one is just for you ♥

In a list

A contest entry

Now you tell me:

    : , Your review:

    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
    Line numbers  • Invite them to read
    : no Cost: 0 free left 0 points, You have (?)

Comments

1 - 43 of 43

  • Rajia
    October 30, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    I liked it all, though in the last part " So ask me why I live this life - [though I'll claim I have none]
    And I'll answer - if I exist - when all this play is done" just sounded awkward, I know that none and done ryhme, but no matter how many times I read it, It just never seemed to flow well, in my opinion. Besides that it's a great piece.


  • SweetRoses
    September 26, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    But what do we exist for? Is it just to be addicted and afflicted? Don't we have any other purpose? Now I have more questions. I did really enjoy reading this though. It's written really well.


  • whos my humblepie
    August 27, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    Very good! But I'm lost, where is it's relevance to the contest?


  • lilAj
    August 17, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    haha you get some pretty interesting comments!
    *calms down*
    but in all seriousness I loved this,(something I refrain from saying, its reallly sickening the amount of times one may hear that about a said work, "I love this" almost becomes meaningless sometimes but to be fair theree's hadly anything else that matches it) I think you did excellent

  • Mrinal yuvraj
    July 1, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Wow!!! i think i just found my favouirite poem. What i love about this poem is that all the words just fall in place, fantastic!! MY favourite lines -
    Time decreases with every step, they say I've lost my mind
    The evolvement of words, you'll see, these terms are redefined
    What was insane is not absurd in what we call today
    Corrupt disguise; society - controls to our dismay


  • TyrannyForestFairy
    June 11, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    wow! blood amazing i love the rhyme scheme of the piece and the concept is very complex and psycological. the poem below relates so much to one of my alcoholic ex boyfriend of mine lol

  • ecrivain01
    June 10, 2008
    Edit | Reply

    Congratulations ...

    on the Gold.


  • MusicMattnessLives
    May 5, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Wow, my friend read the poem at the end. he loved it. i loved the actual poem. its intense. you really portrayed what you were all about. even if i don't agree with your choice, this IS what i've been looking for. you've done an amazing job on this poem. thanks so much for entering my contest and showing me your life and views on this so-called world. best of luck and good write

    ~MRH~

  • DarkRomantic113
    April 16, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    Drink away your sorrows. I should try it.


  • masky
    April 15, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Very impressive! I have to admit, I am very sorry I don't have a ton of Silvers to offers, neither do a have a ton of Bronze or Golds. I don't even know how to feel towards one who's having these kind of problems - pitiful, or...amused? Because the "Tequila Song" made me laugh a little. Call me weird, but it did.
    I like the way, with every bottle that goes "down the drain", the poem becomes more and more abstract. Time decreasing, and the usual "life's-meaning" problem that comes to people when they're drunk. Well, I wouldn't know (haven't gotten drunk yet...I mean, really drunk), but, trust me, I've seen people at parties drink, and...well, after a few bottles of beer, they were all like this stanza (which, by the way, is my favorite):
    "So ask me why I live this life - [though I'll claim I have none]
    And I'll answer - if I exist - when all this play is done
    They teach the world to contemplate but how much do they think?
    So down last calls, and order more, I've so much more to drink"
    With all these being said, congratulations on both the poem and the background. And the picture. They went together perfectly (call me weird once again, but it's this little thing with customizable backgrounds - if you can make it personal, at least make it relate to the poem!)
    Good luck, and thank you for your entry! Also, for the pleasure I've had (and, ok, let's admit it, the giggles) imagining a person getting up on a stage and singing the Tequila song. LOL!


  • individuality gold member
    March 21, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    drink drink drink to lily the pink pink pink lol a mad song from years ago - there is always more drink to consume i think. brew your own, then there is never any last orders! a good poem with dark imagery.


  • Swan song gold member
    March 21, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    This was truly an excellent poem and it has made my judging difficult to say the least. Thank you for your awesome entry!!!!

  • phoenixonfire
    March 15, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    How very sad and distressing things can be...this one really caught me..i liked the rhyme! It was smooth! No forcing words into places i mean very well framed andd written! Love the little poem below!

    thanks for entering!

    pri


  • LadyDementia gold member
    March 9, 2008
    Edit | Reply

    Congrats on all the shinys!

    A great read, superbly penned. All the best in your contest


  • Avatar of Innocence
    February 5, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    This poem was removed from my contest against my wishes, but if you choose not to accept my late critique, I understand and please disregard the following statements.


    This poem was by far the poem I looked at the most. I think I read this poem about 14 times and each time I could not find anything to say about it other than superficial comments. I know you deserve better than that from me. So aside from the creatively entertaining aspect of this poem
    I still don't know what there is to say about it.

    I do really like the fourth stanza's second line though for its blunt appraisal of society's and the general public's vice


  • blondone
    February 3, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    Great show of addiction love the page and the flow of the words thanks for entering


  • Haunted Doll
    January 30, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    that was wonderful..deep dark and i really relate


  • Anti-Saint
    December 29, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    ...damn.


  • pillowjoe
    December 29, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    "We measure time by bottles and I've had more than a few"
    Amazing way to open this poem. This poem feels like it should be a song or something. I did not read the author notes but this is an amazing poem. Good Luck!!!


  • ----michael----
    November 29, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    again, fantastic for all the same reasons I said in my last comment, these lines: Disturbed by thoughts irrelevant - they simply don't make sense
    Closing our eyes to what is wrong - then pity consequence were fantastic, you are very talented. The tequila bit was different!


    • Never Fall in Love
      December 1, 2007
      Edit | Reply
      the tequila bit was wha me ang george wrote after being a bunch of idiot
      Thanx for your comment, love


  • Jalalbad gold member
    November 28, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    this is a great write in all ways.
    smile,
    Judy


  • pillowjoe
    November 20, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    Awesome I like the detail and all of it it was hella awesome

  • ggirll90
    November 19, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    this is so beautiful! i can relate to everyline, from the drinking to the dissapointment! u did nan amazing job!
    good luck love!


  • Dark Whispers
    November 17, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    I absolutely love this poem, it worth gold in my opinion, you and george did an exelent job, if you keep spewing of poems like this you could be famous lol


  • invisiblescars
    November 16, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    lol great write tells a lot of stories when you
    look carefully....keep up the great writes


  • HoneyFire
    November 15, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    well this is so nice to read. tequila wow... nice poem and keep the ink flowin'


  • W a s p
    November 15, 2007
    Edit | Reply

    Hic...Hic...Hic...

    Two pints of lager and a packet of crisps...please!!


  • Death of the Author
    November 15, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    Me likey too, mate!!!

    Haha that so isn't you

    Thanks for all your help

    Stop hogging all the reviews! Greedy

    Amazing work as ever

    Take care! x


  • parachute fog
    November 15, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    thanks for dedicating this brilliant write to me.
    really morbid and genius.


  • luna-midnight gold member
    November 15, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    ahhaha i told you what i thought

    • Never Fall in Love
      November 15, 2007
      Edit | Reply
      The poem was amaxing
      i likeed the flow and all
      it was great
      and i think the background is gorgeous

      ?
      Down in the records
      Thanks!


  • Haunting Whispers
    November 15, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    Wow. That was brilliant! Great poem, and the background is wicked as well. The rhyme scheme blew me away. You've got the world down in one poem. Brilliant.


  • storiesuntold gold member
    November 15, 2007

    Edit | Reply

    Good write here

    You have done an excellent write here for their is no way to right the qworld so its got to be five oclock somewhere just sit back and ebjoy the comedy show

1 - 43 of 43