Thoughts travel as might
skimming oceans and massed lands
to solemn beauty rising from seas to mountains
world’s edge on great storming waters;
Africa.
[meeting]
Sunlight finds first voices
falling softly as hello, thoughts rise to greet
welcome fond embrace; fearing betrayal,
lips brush your cheeks but lightly.
Touching hands, facing seas
following shore lined way, and courage grows
until I turn and find you are there too,
in that same part of mind,
wondering after the next moment,
next hour, hoping for the lure of darkness,
but dread of passing precious time;
so different, so completely different; lives
histories, ambitions, connected by fingertips
and deeper longing;
for I would stretch the seconds until they fear to snap,
hours made meander mindless, days to linger
leisurely without consequence,
swirling swells on seas of turbulent time;
[and a dream]
I would be lion of grassy plains, nights
roaring beneath hanging pearly stars
gleaming moon turning tall grass silver,
baobab plays in bright and shadow,
watching elephants walk, and ruling ground;
remembering taste of fear in heavy night air,
breathing freedom.
[ and a prayer]
Let Africa embrace us,
feet find familiar paths
roots that call across distance to remind,
home is also where waiting ends.
In a list
A contest entry
- Avant Garde - Submission by Hypocritical Oath.
500 points, ended December 8, 2007, 16 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - ONLY Pre-Writes that should have won a trophy. by lindaburns.
1050 points, ended November 25, 2007, 30 entries
Honorable winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Real Poetry by Hermit Risin.
600 points, ended January 2, 18 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 6 of 6
-
8.5 (judging on scale of 1-10)
very poignant. this is very well-expressed, although there is a bit of awkward phrasing here and there (ex: "days to linger"; "lips brush your cheek but lightly") which distracts from the otherwise very fluid nature of the poem. nice work. -
Let Africa embrace us,
feet find familiar paths
roots that call across distance to remind,
home is also where waiting ends.
Moving and poignant. Good luck in the contest.
-
Love it.
First of all don't be expecting advanced critique, I'm tired and can't think straight. Though I can tell you I loved this piece, well done. Thanks for the submission.
-
This has a beautiful dream-like quality to it and your evocation of Africa has real romantic resonance. A pleasure to read.
Bill
-
thanks
Thanks for the entry into the contest and good luck -
Painting with words
this wins my imaginary metaphor of the day award. Excellent!
This reads really well aloud also.
Adding your comment:
1 - 6 of 6
