Why do you test me?
Watching always.
Against the current
I walk.
Your high expectations
Are unatainable.
Throwing in the towel
Is the easy way out.
I want to please you
But the path is too
Narrow.
In my childhood
We were close,
We talked often.
You carried me
When I was ubable
To walk.
I miss the talks.
You spoke of compassion,
Forgiveness,
How you would never
Leave me
Lifetime ago.
Quiet breeze of
Your pesence without
Comfort of your
Words is all I am
Left with now.
Trying to decipher the
Twist and turns
Of my life
Without your direction
Leads me on a path
That brings me
One step closer
Two steps back.
Never being able
To make it
To the finish.
A contest entry
- Ranting and Raving by ourgirlFriday.
600 points, ended June 11, 2008, 17 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
how would yo improve this poem
Comments
-
Hello Pisces Rainbow.
This is a tricky one for me to comment on really. I don't have the same beliefs as you, to whichever extent, and this was written a while ago, so I don't know how much is still valid in your life, so disregard anything that is no longer valid.
The path is always narrow, and as you go higher up, even more so. But walking it is never beyond us. The tests we get be they externally delivered or otherwise, are not beyond us, but will be so, if one's mindset isn't focused on it being attainable. Some things just take longer than others.
My regards, and good luck in this contest.
-
Interesting
Desperation in loss and confusion...definetely a good write! It has some religious overtones, followed by a clear, down-to-earth view of the human state. I think it's very good. Personally, I'd change the form, integrating the lines a little into stanzas, but that's just me. Best of luck in the contest!
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