I. Made of bone and blood,
risen from stone and mud,
cut out of light and dark,
I beat against the contradicted heart.
II. Folding memories in pieces of sky,
I fill my pocket with good byes;
walk a drifting meandering path
trying to make sense of this and that.
III. Nature calls me to build a nest,
dreams provoke a swelling in my chest.
I fly across the fields on the wind,
watch my child seek where to begin.
IV. Hurt the hurt that lonely makes,
seen the churned path built by hate.
As my blood is moved by the tides
I am led by love, instead of lies.
10:46 AM
11/14/07
Alexandria H.D., VA
In a list
A contest entry
- slant rhyme/half rhyme by ellipsist.
600 points, ended November 18, 2007, 6 entries
Bronze trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 11 of 11
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wonderful, wonderful, wonderful! poetic, yes, and a great use of slant/half rhyme!
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This piece seemed to have a life of its own and just created the words. Love is so magnetic and can be so powerful. This was beautifully done in rhyme.
Soulful Woman
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I am glad you sensed that for this one almost wrote me more than I wrote it. I got the first lines while on a cig. break at work. The next two yanked themselves from my mind and I love contradicted heart. After that is was more a listening and sensing than a composing. Thanks for sharing your joy with me.
Love, Tom B.
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You make it look so easy
"Made of bone and blood,
risen from stone and mud,
cut out of light and dark,
I beat against the contradicted heart"
I was already done for after reading these first lines.
Tell me this was a winner!
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I would love to say it was a winner all the way but we have to wait for judgement day.
I am pleased to hear from you again my dear. this one was a joy to create and a challenge to my pen to catch the rhymes that had to grow from within. Thanks for taking such pleasure from my simple words.
Love, Tom B.
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Very nice! I love the way you create your imagery in free verse, but this is really very nice! I rather enjoy the challenge of rhyme. You either have to dig deeper to find and communicate your meaning or alter your course to reach the destination. Only you know if your intended message got through. I am hearing that we learn to live and love, even though life is a bumpy road. Becoming in tune with the energy of the universe, you are led by love rather than the lies society tells. The universe doesn't dangle their carrots from sticks! Ha! Ha! I really liked this one! A nice departure. Good luck in the contest!
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As usual, an astute insight. This one definitly evolved to create its own path. I didn't set out to set it up in four chapters. It showed up that way. The meaning is close to as you say.But meaning is always up for grabs
I am most glad to hear you enjoyed this. For me that counts for alot. The rest is gravy.
Love, Tom B.
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WOW!
How you can draw your reader in.Combine the mind and heart, separate the loneliness and still face self...As my blood is moved by the tides I am led by love, instead of lies...Master Poet, this is a powerful piece and leaves me thoughts to ponder niaish for sharing that wonderful mind with me
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We are always called to choose, everyday, how we will live that day. Our success is not about how often we succeed in achieveing our goals but how often we walk the walk. The road is never smooth or absolutely clear. Reason for the title saying cobblestones.
Thanks for all the lovely compliments. Glad you enjoyed this piece.
Love Tom B.
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Only your eyes could clearly see a path that we should walk for the future of love and the survival of it. I don't see you write in rhyme often but when you do it moves over the tongue easily and flows like the gentle stream of words it portrays. Love, C
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Even slant rhyme forces me to rething the path to my images and symbols. I ended up with something a little different then where i started.
Love Tom B.
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