I muffle my cries in my pillow at night,
Because I know loving you isn't right,
I curl up in my pajamas made of fleece,
Hating how you've broken my heart; but I still love you with every broken piece,
I wonder to myself,what hurts more?
Loving you,or letting you go,
This answer I'll never know,
You know my my greatest strengths,
And you know my greatest weakness,
You know how to make me smile,
You know how to make me cry,
Why?
The only time our relationships right,
Is in my dreams,
Maybe it's time for me to just let go,
My love for you, you will never begin to understand or know,
Me letting go;I never could.
But you loving me;I knew you never would.
And me expecting you to; Is something I never should.
A contest entry
- cookies and cream ice cream (for you) by u took my user name.
650 points, ended November 22, 2007, 18 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
please tell me what you think.be harsh.be cruel.be blunt.
Comments
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"Hating how you've broken my heart; but I still love you with every broken piece," maybe you might want to break that into two lines..... It's too long and takes away from the poem itself b/c i am stuck thinking why the writer chose to make that line so long... and why not break it up. get me? just my thought...
grammer or simple things due to negligence suggest that you don't care much about your poem.... and it makes me, the reader, think.... if the writer doesnt care about the poem, why should i waste my time??
"You know my my greatest strengths," you might want to read a poem over just to make sure you don't have problems like repetition with no purpose (unless you did that intentionaly, please let me know wht. i'm curious.
"You know my my greatest strengths,
And you know my greatest weakness," you could easily combine those two lines without hammering the reader with "know"
Same thing goes for the following two lines
the word "why" shall never follow "cry" or the other way around... especially if that's where the line ends... at why..... It makes the poem weak, the connection between those two lines is kinda crappy. But hey, that's just a personal preference (which...sadly...is what matters in the contest)
But i'm sure that there are plenty of other people who like the whole Why thing
"our relationships right," you're not giving me the meaning you actually want to.... i am sure you mean "our relationship is right,"
also, find a better way to say "in my dreams"
"My love for you, you will never begin to understand or know," i think that would be more effective if you chose better words... make it shorter while still saying the same thing like... uhhh... this love i hold, you'll never understand... oh i don't know. lol. you get my point
now, i don't know your experience in poetry, or your age... so excuse my maybe a lil harsh words
But overall, it's pretty nice. it has a great idea, it just needs a little work
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