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Sudden Impact.

 

Discarded is the opulent beauty,
gusts blow hard through your soul.
Suddenly plunged into darkness,
as it swiftly takes a hold.

The environment disintegrates,
mind begins to melt down.
Eyes no longer comprehend,
endless silence surrounds.

Swirling darkness amplifies,
descending deeper and deeper.
Consuming your whole being,
until your no longer the keeper.

Eventually it dawns,
mammoth impact ensues.
Facts finally start to absorb,
and acknowledge whats true.

Time resumes its pace,
aware of its momentary stop.
The brain sends a signal,
your body collided with shock.

Author notes

Prompt; give me your most intense emotion.

A contest entry

Please tell me what you think

    : , Your review:

    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
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Comments

1 - 14 of 14
  • carole21
    May 8, 2008

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    nice

    nice write for the prompt . . liked "gusts blow hard through your soul" and "endless silence surrounds" . . congrats on the trophy

  • evelynxxoo
    March 15, 2008
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    cunsuming your whole being until your no longer the keeper great words it was as if you had no more control brilliant


  • xxRainbowDawnxx
    January 14, 2008

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    This is very emotive and the sentiment you have expressed is very true. I liked the last stanza the most, it's very true. Shock is a very weird feeling, I must say.


  • Ellis gold member
    December 28, 2007

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    Excellent Writing -- QUITE A SHOCK !

    You are a new rhyming-poetry find for me (through Jeff and Sue's Contest). Enjoyed reading this poem.
    ----------


  • Sinnastarr silver member
    December 23, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    This was a very good poem. You really capered the moment well. I really did feel the shock that you felt due to the vivid imagery described with your words. I felt like I was in your shoes.
    All and all a very well written piece.
    Well done.
    Thank you so much for entering my contest and I wish you the best of luck.


  • BonaFidePoet
    December 3, 2007

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    This is very visual. I like that, and I loved how you didn't say what was going on, you just implied it with imagery. Great job.


  • Pebbles
    December 2, 2007

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    Indeed shock is an intense feeling. As it is right now after reading your poem actually.
    This was just perfect.
    Great write.
    Good luck in the contest.
    Pebs


  • BluesMan gold member
    November 26, 2007
    Edit | Reply

    This is a great write, though it wasn't what I was looking for I still enjoyed reading it. I could feel the raw emotion being held back waiting for yourbody to bring down its protective wall "Shock" lol

  • Page Deleted.
    November 17, 2007
    Edit | Reply

    wow

    this is a great write which perfectly describes the feeling. good luck in the contest!


  • Shining for You
    November 15, 2007
    Edit | Reply

    very good

    Thanks for your entry into my contest and good luck


  • aslanlight
    November 15, 2007

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    '...until your no longer the keeper.' The whole poem has a strong impact but this line is the sharpest for me. The lady over the road lost her leg recently and I'm wondering if she felt at all like this. I think not though because she said she was laughing and joking with the helicopter pilots and felt no pain and fine. There must be different kinds of shock. Your description is vivid and understandable.

    Peace Georgia


  • darell
    November 14, 2007

    Edit | Reply

    I Agree!

    This was very very good. I love your creative
    insight into the spiritual. The images were
    quite translucent. Your words easy to understand.
    I think you did a wonderful job


  • kiwigirljacks gold member
    November 14, 2007

    Edit | Reply

    Genius!!

    Brilliant!!! This absolutely describes vividly and with great imagery the feeling of shock!! How at first that feeling rushing through your body while you're still not comprehending what's happening, and then the full impact hits you when your brain absorbes what has really happened!

    Amazingly well written!!! (I hope it wasn't anything too horrible that gave you this terrible shock hun!)

    You are so on form at the moment!!


  • CherryOnTop
    November 14, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    Once again you have penned it down to a tee.So expressive. I can feel your pain you were feeling in this. Simply amazing once again.

1 - 14 of 14