The worst day of my life
Flows through my mind,
But only fragments remain vivid.
The rest seem as though I'm walking
Through a hazy mist,
My mind's eye eager to forget,
My heart wishing to linger.
I remember laughing, joking, smiling:
Sitting with friends in the student union
Working on an essay that was due for Freshman Comp.
I remember panic, anxiety, urgency:
Program coordinator walks up to me,
Grief across her face,
And tells me I need to call home, NOW!
I call my house, no answer.
Call again, no answer.
Call my grandma's house, no answer.
Call my house again...
Call my aunt, "Honey you need to come home."
"Why? What's happened? Please tell me!"
"Just come home, something's happened."
"Please, tell me what's happened... I have to know!"
"I'll tell you when you get here. Hurry and I love you."
Silence on the other end, that awful silence.
My friend, Gina, drives me to my aunt's house...
Her mother pulls in the driveway right after we do...
What's going on?
I remember grief, pain, disbelief:
"You two want something to drink?"
"No... what's wrong?"
Aunt kneels beside me, shock and heartache written across her face.
"Your mom..."
Screams, black out, that haze... Darkness.
But how did it get to this?
When did the happiness end and tragedy begin?
Why wasn't I called,
Why wasn't I there?
She was my Momma, my rock, my strength,
And you wait to tell me until it's too late to say goodbye?
Why?
Why didn't you call me when she got sick?
Why didn't you call me when you took her to the hospital?
Why?
Didn't you think I'd want to spend her last moments
Right there by her side?
Didn't you think I'd hurt worse not knowing?
It's almost as if you didn't think I could handle it.
I promise you,
It would have been easier,
Easier than this!
Maybe I would have broken down in the hospital
But at least I would have been able to kiss her, hug her,
Tell her I loved her
Just once more while she lived.
Instead I'm stuck with the reality
That my last words to her were in anger.
I'm unable to cope, unable to find peace.
The worst day of my life...
Finding out that it was too late to tell my Momma
How much I loved her.
Author notes
Option 9 Worst day of your life.
My Momma passed away July 20, 2000. I was just 18 and in college about 20 miles away from our home. I was in the dorms so it was hard to catch me. The coordinator of a program I was in found Gina and I sitting in the student union, laughing, joking, working on Freshman Composition assignment, snacking on chili-cheese fries. I've known Gina for 22 years, and had it not been for her driving me home, I wouldn't have made it on my own.
A contest entry
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499 points, ended December 28, 2007, 36 entries
Honorable mention
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Please be brutally honest! I appreciate constructive criticism.
Comments
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omg, this is beautiful. hunni, i am so sorry fr all that you've been through. this is amazing and that is me being brutally honest. wow. i am blown away...wow. i freakin love this.
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Truly Heart Wrenching!
Oh Dear one,
As you share your awful moment of extreme sadness and inner turmoil, it is almost as I am standing there with you observing it all and feeling so inadequate, so helpless to do anything to aid or comfort you in your loss and subsequent mental anguish and regret.
Here is a bridge, I have not yet crossed, and your sobering words causes me to want to get on the phone immediately and reaffirm my love and respect for my dear mother, whom I love, but call too infrequently as I am caught up in my own life and concerns. Thanks for having the heart to share this painful moment in with such candor and sincerity.
My Heart goes out to you Today, as you relive in your thoughts the most difficult day of your life!
Ol'AP Pappy David
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