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a.I.D

Again It's Dark
And I Dream
Axe Is Dropping
All I've Done
Absolved In Death

Apathy Isn't Dead
Amazing Ingenious Development
Another Instant Dinner
All In Denial
Alarms Ignored Daily
An Internal Divide
Agree? Ignore? Defy?
Again I'm Drowning
Advancing Incessant Drums
Announcing Imminent Demise
An Inhuman Death
Axe Is Dropping...

Again It's Dark
And I'm Dreaming...

Author notes

I thought it would be nice to do a poem like this without realising how hard it is!

A contest entry

I'm not sure whether this works and i would appreciate some help with how to improve it!

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Comments

1 - 9 of 9

  • tombruize
    March 10
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    WOW

    This really a nice job...


  • Harlequin Dance
    January 27

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    This is definitely interesting! I can't imagine how hard it would be to write a poem like this, or how much time and effort you would have to put into it to make it make sense. You've done this really well and the poem sounds very dense and difficult, but after navigating it a while it amazed me. The repetition works well for the poem.


  • giving up on poetry
    November 23, 2007

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    wow this is so orinagail i love it you bring this peice toghter quite well ^.^ i would tarish the ending my only advice


  • Lola Green
    November 22, 2007

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    Wow!! Very nicely done! Thanks for your entry! I can believe that this was truly hard.

    All the best in the contest!


  • hopelessxromantic
    November 20, 2007
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    Woah! The repetition of the first stanza at the end is great, and the fact that you could right a whole poem that actually makes sense and flows in that way is amazing. I also like the way you use the phrase "Axe Is Dropping" in both the first stanza and as the last line in the second stanza.. it really connects the two. Great job.


  • frownsnfreckles
    November 20, 2007

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    I think it works well, I like the recreation of the beginning in the final section, it gives the effect of this dream being repetitive. The feeling it gives I think is one of anxiety & uncertainty


  • Poetic Obscenity
    November 20, 2007
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    That's absolutley gorgeous. Very dark, Very descriptive...without so many words. Amazing.


  • SquarestCheerio
    November 15, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    I'm so excited to see how this turns out! The lines

    "Another Instant Dinner
    All In Denial"

    It makes me think of the way society has become or is becoming, for the most part, a rove of mindless sheep. But no one wants to admit it.

    I don't have time to super read into this because I'm in class, but I will. Some of the lines don't totally lock in together, and maybe I can help.

    But, all in all, I love the idea, and I love what you've done with it.

    I'm still thinking about those two lines...good stuff


  • WinnerGenius
    November 14, 2007

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    Cool...!!!

    This is so nice. What an innovative way you've chosen to pen a poem A very original piece and I like the last two lines. The rest of the poem is also very nice, but in some places maybe the ideas don't flow one after the other. Maybe. I love the poem as it is, but if you aren't satisfied with it you could try taking a closer look at it and edit or add stuff. After all, it's your brainchild. Very well done, keep up the good work. Thanks for sharing such an innovative poem. Good luck and God bless

1 - 9 of 9