I will never know the ending till after it’s gone
And I won’t understand how well
I can see into everything beyond
You and me
So here we sit
Just taking it in
And it’s greater than what we knew it meant.
As we sit with the trees anchoring us to the past
They see what we think they know everything
Sway with our pain
As the tormenting winds steal away
Our lives and our time
Oh how they slip by
Your voice calls
It loses meaning in the dream
Can this panic we see set us free?
Tear apart what we believe
Oh the wind can be maddening
But we can be brave
Deep inside we fear the worst
But we always, we always hope for the best
Can these winds cause wishes to manifest?
Don’t let it take the best from you
Your voice calls
It losses meaning in the dream
Can this panic we see set us free?
Tear apart what we believe
Oh the wind can be maddening
But we can be brave
What do you think of when you read this?
Comments
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I thought of how we look for shelter from the wind; if under trees, they seem to toss with our longing for the return of peace and safety. Your final line seems like a reminder to yourself. Good.
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not too shabby
You have a good idea. The metaphor of winds changing direction is a nice one, although somewhat cliche. Of course, show me a poem that doesn't rely on a cliche nowadays.
You had two really strong stanzas, I think, and those were your last two. They expressed your point the best. I think the thing that kills you the most is grammar and spelling, which are vital to expressing your point and making it seem stronger than even the stanzas can express.
One more thing I really liked (because it is something I like with my poems, too) is the free-form, flow of the whole thing. You left out all but a very few punctuations and changed the lengths of the lines every once in a while. This furthers your ideas of the winds being unpredictable, if that was what you wanted. Otherwise, it is just a nice added (albeit un-thought-of) bonus.
Thanks for the new poem. Keep working!
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The beginning and the closing were very strong, I think. There were parts in the middle that seemed confused..or maybe I'm just confused hehe.
Also...."It losses meaning in the dream"....do you mean 'loses'??? -
nicely done!
a relationship
but maybe
parent- child
the child is calling to his parent
who is receding farther and farther from the child's grasp.
perhaps.
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