I saw myself out in the rain
I grinned at me with some disdain
I felt ignored with none to gain
and caught myself boarding a train
I grabbed my arm and turned me around
my dirty feet on dirty ground
spun so damn fast they made a sound
like power lines who've fallen down
Into my face I stared for days
comtemplating all the different ways
to greet myself and not make haste
though my events had quickened pace
Struggling with words my throat was choked
I looked at me as though provoked
my eyes were wet and cheeks were soaked
Stood like a jester with out the jokes
I left myself upon that rail
my vision blurred and vocals failed
I was a mouse without a tail
stuck in a board with coffin nails
Laying my head upon the track
I felt my vision coming back
the smell of earth came to attack
my nostrils stretched out on the rack
When I came back around I saw me again
I ran from me like church from sin
I never forgot that silly grin
and smells of concrete flooding in
Life goes on just like the tide
my current carries me inside
as I descend to meet with pride
in tunnels where my body hides
Author notes
I would not doubt if anyone reading this didn't quite understand it. I can only hope it is not too obscure to convey any sort of story and emotion.
A contest entry
- Everyone Hides Down In The Subway by polly filla.
500 points, ended November 16, 2007, 5 entries
Bronze trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 5 of 5
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I really enjoyed the train-like rhythm, and the similies and metaphors are quirkily done, a juxtaposition to the content, which I think is about being run down.
There's some beautiful lines, I especially like "the smell of earth came to attack
my nostils stretched out on the rack" (you need an r) and "as I descend to meet with pride
in tunnels where my body hides"---the 2 stanzas I quoted from were my fave's overall
it's a packed poem, lots to consider! Thanks for entering!
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i did intirely miss a story, emotion or conclusion though dispair did shine through everry so often. the imagery was fenominal and the similies really were beautiful. -paint
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Thank you for the comments, nice to hear you enjoyed the poem. I must pry: is your manner of spelling a trademark, or is it unintentional?
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it's a little bit of both to be honest, mixed with my horrible habit of never re-reading anything I write...
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Neat-o.
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