Tossed, obscured, ashamed and untied. That's me.
[[That's just My Human Side]]
Annotated girl at the face of the mirror,
Misaligned eyeliner matching my
serrated self-confidence.
[[Obscures the vanity of which it implies]]
Perched and privy in a lascivious lounge,
Liquid intrepid delivers witness of
my tattling aplomb.
[[Toss back the pain and take to the sky]]
Set off and ardent, swiveling into the night.
Abashed anger fumbles me stupid,
and into conundrum.
[[Lies to myself were my delicate crime]]
Lying forlorn against the passenger-side door.
Chagrin and shame-smeared, in
makeup and stilettos. That's me.
[[That's just My Human Side]]
Author notes
[♥♥ 37]
I know most of you have great vocabularies, but here are a few definitions...just in case. Some of these words were new to me too -
Annotated - supplied with or containing explanatory notes, textual comments, etc.
Serrated - notched like a saw with teeth pointing toward the apex.
Privy - participating in the knowledge of something private or secret. secret, concealed, hidden, or secluded.
Lascivious - driven by lust; preoccupied with or exhibiting lustful desires.
Intrepid - resolutely fearless; dauntless.
Aplomb - Self-confident assurance; poise.
Chagrin - A keen feeling of mental unease, as of annoyance or embarrassment, caused by failure, disappointment, or a disconcerting event.
***'Option #1, 'Fake Plastic Trees' I ♥ Radiohead!!!!
~StrangeAngel
A contest entry
- Dirty Pretty... by silver-X-lining.
650 points, ended November 24, 2007, 13 entries
Bronze trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - The Lies.Wont.Hide.Your.Flaws♥ by Dead Star--x.
475 points, ended November 20, 2007, 7 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Please Please Please enter!!!New Words please...new picture 400 pts.prewrites allowed now by natchstucco.
400 points, ended November 23, 2007, 4 entries
Bronze trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - QUOTE PROMPTS#1 PREWRITES ALLOWED by stargazer..
300 points, ended October 30, 2008, 15 entries
Bronze trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Forms/Dirty Pretty by the evil angel.
400 points, ended May 10, 49 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
I know there are some problems with flow in certain parts...suggestions??
Comments
1 - 68 of 68
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Hmm... very interesting. I've already decided not to delve into dirty pretty, but it's got some great vocabulary in here that helps to make it more powerful and help it flow along. Very good job with this and thank you for sharing it with me.
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Very powerful and most deserving of all the awards.
In God's Love
Noah
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Wow, this is beautiful. Your words were so just liquid smooth and I love it. Great job, and Welcome to the finalists list
~Serenity
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wow! those opening lines completely took me by storm- what a beginning!
i love the dirty pretty here and i loved your extensive use of vocab- it's always nice to see
i can see how you related it to the prompt, but the bridge is very small... i loved your poem and the imagery you supplanted within it, the tie may be too small to get in the finalist's list. however, the poem was truly excellent!
good luck in the contest!
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Woah.
Beautiful imagery; really.
But, even though I loooovvveee it, I'm not sure how it relates to the prompt? -
It has a good flow to me
Can't really say more than this is a very good write. It flows so effotlessly in my eyes. good piece. KillerRain.
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Thanks so much for putting the definitions in your AN. I would have been lost without it. I know I didn't clarify in my contest but I'm not sure I'd consider this dirty pretty. It is a form of it, but not exactly what I was looking for. However I did like this poem. The general idea of it and the emotion in it was very deep. I loved the imagery, and now that I know what the words you used meant, the word choice is amazing. Super deep and very nice. Thanks for entering.
Josh
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Annotated girl at the face of the mirror,
Misaligned eyeliner matching my
serrated self-confidence.
[[Obscures the vanity of which it implies]]
Loving that stanza, now I don't wear make up, but I love the idea of it hiding something it tries to define! -
This is very well done. I see no problem with flow at all. I read a few lines and said I like this alot, and a few more, and liked it more. The imagery of a girl that has had a bit too much for one evening is very vivid.
I tried and cannot pick out a favorite line or stanza. Each one is meaningful rather than a means to an end. Together they make an incredible poem.
Very nicely done.
Mike
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A strange combination of self-involved vanity and total lack of self-confidence. Is that what dirty-pretty means? A powerful write, from a very disturbed narrator.
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heh heh, that was my title, but i deleted the poem long ago i think..nope, still in my profile, heh, heh. I didn't know anyone was inspired by it, te-he.
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Well...
I don't recall viewing your piece of the same title...my inspiration came from another source. I look forward to viewing your poem, however.
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well indeed a great piece here.
well done. best wishes in all you do
tory
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great photo and poetic study on the skewed image one sees when they view themselves in less than flattering ways,
the darkness of your self analysis, the ending shamed and saddened on the passenger door, exit behind you as you sink further into despair. Thanks for your entry- Artis
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Oh my gosh this an amazing poem!
You have done an extremely wonderful job with this write and are much deserving of teh trophies and such that you have earned.
I really don't know what else to say that hasn't already been said.
LOVED IT!!!!!
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This piece was spectacular! You convey the thoughts/personality of the narrator so well...and I loved the bracketed lines. Loved the title too...
Your word usage is perfect and creates exactly the ambience that you want it too. The alliteration you used was effective, too. Awesome images throughout the piece, too!
The flow is occasionally *slightly* awkward, but it isn't very blatant. In fact, it didn't distract me at all while I was reading. I wouldn't honestly worry about it too much, definitely don't sacrifice any of the awesome emotion and images to make, say, lines 3-6 flow less awkwardly. As I said, it's not bad at all.
Awesome job on this piece--it's well done, a very enjoyable and intriguing read, and memorable besides. Thanks for entering...
~QoA -
Great write... I liked this one a lot!! Write on!!
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Would love to comment on this
for looking it ove it seems to be a worthy read and a wrok maybe well done. But, my pet peeve is the usage uf teh brackets here once again..[[ ]] [ ]. No one as of yet has given me an explanation of just why theu were used. Im sure Shakespear didn use them, nor Ellliot, Gibran or a host of names you could add here. So when I see these, I dont even bother reading hem, for they so break the flow of the pen, he rythm and the train of thought. One told me it was to show emphasis on a certain word ot phrase...but thats what words are for, you create the emphasis by the choice of word uses, punctuation, phrases...not btrackets. If someone would be kind enough to ckarify if this is the reason they are used, or th eright reason, that would be nice. Still i say let your words do teh speaking. I'm sorry, just my opinion..and I dont read these when i see all of these. Just me? I dont know, I suspect not...
Evan -
Well... I swear I have seen these gals at the bar. They wouldnt talk to me at all. No wonder now I see why. Models. hmmph.
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Models?
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Yes you know the ones that go down the aisle in fancy dresses and such.
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Ummmm...
Thank you for your insight and I'm glad this piece invoked imagery and feeling for you, but it actually has nothing to do with models...I guess it's open to interpretation though.
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i love it.
total vanity and low confidence. reminded me of someone.
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Sorry! Didn't realize I'd seen this. I owe you when I get some points.
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awww it unquice i love that and it powerful just wounderful art is what you make my dear
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Wow. You did a fantastic job with this poem. I absolutely loved the flow and the intense battle with one's own self. You chose a great pic to go with it, too. I especially loved the lines in [[.]] - you chose quite an astounding selection of words. Best of luck in all the contests, you deserve quite a few gold trophies for this.
Write on.
~*~SP~*~
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this is amazing nice job!!!
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i absolutely love this-its probably the best ive read for this contest! ♥ thanx for entering & good luck
Dead Star--x -
this is a really really good poem.
i would have to say that this is one of my favoret peom.
keep up the good work.
Caycee.
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Deep, very deep. I love the way you used your words. Some of them were a bit too complicating for me, but I managed with a good dictionary lol
At some points it felt like you were putting all these big words one after another, and it bothered me a bit of it, but I love the way you put it all together. This is a very eerie poem with a very deep message, and I simply adore the title. Wonderful work with this one!
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I thought about adding a few definitions to the author's box just to help...maybe I will. A lot of the words were new to me too. I'm not gonna lie, this piece was meant to be a bit arcane...
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I do like the arcane side to it a lot. Mostly my need to use the dictionary comes from language problems in general... But I guess it would be a good idea to put at least a few words there in the author's notes. If you ask me, it works out more than well this way too. If people are eager enough to understand your words, they will definately take the time to find out!
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every has a human side and your being unconventional is very refreshinf
Joe
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a very interesting write.... something i do appreciate, good piece here
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WOW
this definitely was different than anything i've ever read before, you expressed yourself explicitly, it was absolutely superb. keep writing!
~gracing~
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yknow inspiration is all good in contests but sometimes a pic just sez a 1000 words...a manikin often stands silent yet encourages us to talk when all else fails...self reflection thru their eyes...gee WHAT WAS I THINKIN
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Definitely abstract and like nothing I've read before, you don't false advertise 
. This was a quick read, but I read it twice, for pleasure and understanding. And I can say that I loved the poem, whether I get it or not. Especially the ending that matches the first line, not completely, but well enough to sum it up wonderfully ^-^
GREAT job
diggin it majorly
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Incredible. Great job!
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Wow!
I love it! So very descriptive & yet very abstract! It's so thought provoking. Beautiful words! You are an excellent writer! I could learn a lot from you! Lol!!
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flippin amazazing!!!
i loved it! please drop by my page sometime so i can get some advice on my from someone who is talented!
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amazazing!!
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wow
i love that, and the way you use words and all those really descriptive ones, it just turned out really well -
over all i thought the poem was good the flow i agree did need work but hey all i have to say is poetry is a form of art and art can not be perfect. and aslong as this write depict the feeling that you were feeling when you wrote this then i would have to sat that it was truly a good write come and see my poems i think as well that i need to work on the flow and maybe we could learn something off each other poems
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I liked this. I liked how this was written and it is ver true,the human side facts that you wrote here, and I wasn'tgoing to read this but I am quite glad that I did. This was also gorgeaous and very creative.
...Simply Me♥ -
I'm not sure - when I read the double-bracketed lines by themselves, there's another story here - but I love the image of the girl looking at herself in the mirror to apply make-up, and suddenly looking further into herself, while the poem goes from the dressing up to the presentation in the lounge, to the let's go to the crumpled person in the car, in few words, quite an accomplishment
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Creative
Wow!!! You just about left my ability to follow beautifully written poem. The depth is where I will fall short of appreciating this intriguing write for what it truly is. I felt more when read this poem than ever do. Strangely enough, I not quite sure what I felt. Nice Job and take care. Rhon
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i like this poem, and your word choice!
My favorite lines are "Misaligned eyeliner matching my serrated self-confidence". Wow that is wonderful imagery! i REALLY like it! =) -
Very extensive and interesting vocabulary that trails through this poem! I like the concept of this poem, with the idea of something more and the division. Great work and thanks for entering my contest
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I really like your greater use of alliteration in this poem. I think that's really one of the its strengths.
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AMAZING ! ! !
I loooove both structure and style and as for the title you've managed to explore its meanings in a veeeeery original mannerwell done indeed!BRAVO!
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YAY! this rocked !!!!!
your imagery and adjectives painted the picture so
well...increased it's beauty and intensity!!
Damn...that must have been a wonderful adventure to
write so bold and fearlessly too!
great great job!
ears2hearyou
Kathleen
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It could be worse
Nothing wrong with being human. Seems today many arejust taken in by the so called elite. Everything is beautiful.. But I am here also & so are you
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I love this poem!!!!
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Thank you for commenting on my poem! Enjoy your virtual daiquiri.
I actually didn't notice any problems with the flow, but I suppose it's all in how you read it. I really liked your imagery and use of diction-- the line about an "annotated girl at the face of the mirror" really stuck with me.
I also liked that you used the double brackets to end each stanza. It added an interesting visual element, and also kind of put a period at the end of each section.
Overall, I really liked this.
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Different from what I've read before on AP....
but that is what make Poetry so broad and interesting. Great job
Ephiphany
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bravo
A pretty potent piece of poetry, no question! (suggestion: do away with the double brackets, as it only slows the flow and sense and, indeed, punch of the poem.) bravo... bravo...
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hmmm... this is different... it's amazing, but different nontheless, in a very good way. i wouldn't so much want to change anything, as maybe pick a couple different words at the beginning, or end of a few of the lines, that might make it flow a little better, or just think of a different way to reword it? lol i wouldn't change a thing tho, it's amazing just the way it is...
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This poem was very well written. Great word usage I have to say. The ending lines to each stanza sort of distracted me though with the punctuation. But all in all, you wrote a very deep and moving poem that I enjoyed reading.
Yay!
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Thats because its a slightly dirrty pretty offspring....Thanks for the comment though!
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nice job
Hey im new to all this i just moved from florida and i happen to be checking out this web site. i will be adding some of my poems later today. good luck and you have a strong talent
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thanks for sharing
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"Abashed anger fumbles me stupid" I love that line the best. I like the dark and jumbled mix of emotions, almost as if they flow onto the paper all by themselves. Enjoyed immensely.
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It is kind of strange yet beautiful. I definitely feel the emotion of the poem. A great use of words.
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I think that this was totally wonderful! The vocab was outstanding. Myself, I don't think that you need to change any of it. You did totally wonderful with it. Great job. You should be proud
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Dear Angel
I usually write rhyming things, but have a great appreciation for free verse. Been a long time since I've
seen anything this good. Looks like you threw everything but the kitchen sink into this one; well maybe that too!
It is intelligent and artistic! Grabbed me where it's supposed to!
Nice work!
John-Las Vegas, Nevada
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I thought the flow was very good, great rythm.
The entire piece is really quite good, thanks for sharing it with us.
I especially like the lines
Lying forlorn against the passenger-side door.
Chagrin and shame-smeared, in
makeup and stilettos. That's me.
[[That's just My Human Side]]
I am not a master poet by any means but i think this is really good!
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good good
good write
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I always cosider poetry unique in that it is a form of rure expression and therefore cannot be wrong. I don't know enough to give you suggestions on form or flow, I did enjoy the write very much though. Thanks for sharing.
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