Yesterday both of us were alive
Today I am living but you are dead.
The devil in his vilest mood under your own shed
Raised the rusty rod with his bristled hands
And brought it down with all his vulgar might
On your head held high at least once
In defiance to his relentless claim,
In refusal to be blackmailed any more
By those goons growing from strength to strength
For our cowardice and callousness
Or compromises for petty gains.
Didn’t you also turn a deaf ear or a blind eye
To the helpless cry of your neighbour
When it was his turn to suffer alone and die?
However much we may try
To give a lie to this
Can we deny the devil his due
Having patronized and pampered him so long
To defer our individual doom by a day or two
And estopping thereby our very right
Not to gratify his unnatural greed?
Or didn’t we consider it a piece of quixotry
To take a stand sometime somewhere and say,
‘Thus far and no further, come what may?’
Instead we chose the easiest way,
We joined the devil’s band,
We became his bannermen.
At your tether’s end
You decided otherwise
And took a stand;
With my seeming strength unlimited
I couldn’t do that. I couldn’t even sell my soul
To see the face which launched a thousand ships
And burnt the topless towers of Ilium.
I have mortgaged myself in perpetuity
Not for immortality from sweet Helen’s kiss
But for mere crumbs
And my bondage is a state as complete as death
Yet I am not dead
It is a kind of stupor, a nightmare.
I cannot raise my paralysed hand
To give you succour
And my anguished cry
Is muzzled into a whimper.
Yet your shattered skull and battered body
Should not make me cry,
For whosoever loseth his life shall save it
And afraid to lose it I made myself over
To the safe keeping of the devil
And bound to a wheel of fire
My existence I find
Hardly worth anything
For that perhaps I should cry.
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A contest entry
- Can You Write like Service, Kipling or Noyes by ecrivain01.
1900 points, ended December 22, 2007, 12 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - your best work composed over the last twelve months by Lute.
600 points, ended January 9, 2008, 69 entries
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600 points, ended March 10, 2008, 7 entries
Bronze trophy winner
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450 points, ended May 8, 2008, 24 entries
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500 points, ended July 30, 2008, 90 entries
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700 points, ended October 20, 2008, 14 entries
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900 points, ended December 6, 2008, 19 entries
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550 points, ended December 27, 2008, 105 entries
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• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 21 of 21
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This is sad. Thank you for entering
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I love all the alliteration and the flow is perfection. Your allusions are perfectly placed and the details show me that you took your time on this.
"pralysed hand" - Paralysed
Thats the only error I found. Great Write -
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A-Daisy-Among-Roses
That was an unpardonable slip, since corrected. Thanks for close study and comments pointing out this slip.
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Just a stunning and intensely moving piece - well done
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Well, this is intense! Overall, I very much like this poem - the message, the images, and the rhythm all work together in conjunction beautifully. However, I do have two issues. "For whosoever loseth his life shall save it" seems a bit odd in its use of "whosoever." For me, it gets stuck on the tongue. I do understand the biblical reference (Luke) but I think a simple "who" might be more effective. Additionally, the end "For that perhaps I should cry" seems weak in comparison with the rest of the work. I went into the last line expecting some profound bit of nihilistic/berkelian philosophy. I think that this poem is fantastic but re-working that last bit would make it outstanding. Thank you so much for entering. I really enjoyed reading your entry.
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demetrah10
Many love poetry, but few have the capability to really appreciate it and you are one of those few. It is always a pleasure to meet a critic like you. Congratulations!
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content-7.3
vocabulary-9.8
accuracy-7.5
creativity-7.3
theme-7.3
originality-7.1
totals-46.3
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Shorter Oxford English Dictionary shows three permitted spellings: Paralysed, paralyzed, paralized with paralysed as the headline (preferred) form.
I wonder if this refers to a real event or if the shed is metaphorical and the poem relates to the generic sacrifice of all our friends who are braver than we are.
In either case, this is a moving piece that captures something essentialabout taking the easy way out and the perils of compromise. Hamlet's dilemma...
"Whether 'tis nobler in the mind to suffer
The slings and arrows of outrageous fortune,
Or to take arms against a sea of troubles,
And by opposing, end them. To die,"
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Dear Philogos, I must thank you for your wonderful comments and for defending me over the spelling of 'paralysed' which is the British form, the US form being paralyzed which is obviously preferred by ecrivain01. Yes, the poem was inspired by an actual event in which a small scale industrialist was brutally beaten up with iron rods to death in his factory by his workers belonging to a labour union owing allegiance to the political party in power.His friend, a high official of the government, could not save his life. The culprits went scot free. I felt so strongly at the moment that the poem came out almost spontaneously. The dispute could have been settled through prescribed legal procedure. Instead with the active backing of the state the union took law into their own hand. Democracy is being killed in this fashion today almost everywhere and we are helpless onlookers and often colluders for small personal gains. Hitler and Stalin are convenient targets of our criticism. It is our cowardice, callousness and compromises that give birth to these monsters. Thank you again for reading and commenting.
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Not familiar ...
with "estopping" and you've misspelled paralyzed but otherwise, this is not a bad write. Larry hasn't weighed in on this yet, but I like it. All in all, not bad.
Thanks for entering and good luck in the contest.
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Honestly;
I haven't weighed in beause I don't understand it. I can't find the rhythm and the rhyme eludes me. I'm sure there is a very interesting story here, but I can't sort it out. -
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Dear LarryATilander, In reply to your comments I can only repeat what Dr. Johnson once told one of his interlocutors, I can find you an argument but I am not obliged to find you an understanding sir.
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I applaud the references in this comment. Find him an argument and I'll stand and place my bets on the understanding of it....!!! xx chills
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chilliwoman
I am a great admirer of Dr. Johnson and his flunkey 'Bozzy' whose biography of the doctor I consider the best biography in the world. Hope you know, comparing with other biographers what Macaulay commented on him - 'The Eclipse is first and the rest nowhere'. Eclipse was the champion race horse of the time. Thanks for your comments.
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The word 'estopping' has not been mis-spelt. It is a legal term. It means the loss of right to protest against something by admitting it earlier. If you do not proest against something wrong when it occurs, later you are not allowed in law to say that it is wrong.
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interesting piece
you paint a dark picture,and your ending line really has punch, i like your style and find it interesting!
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Most excellently phrased and punctuated (a dying art..) Like a renaissance painting. xx
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Dear chilliwoman,Thank you for your appreciation.
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totally unexpected and shocking. I share your guilt. I'm going away to think about this. "It is a kind of stupor, a nightmare"
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deedeewp, you are dead on target, and thank you for this.
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Dictators are born out of our cowardice,callousness and compromises for petty gains. They are our creations, in the end they become a scourge, our nemesis. Thanks for reading and commenting.
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