In shadows of what could have been,
haunted by darkened seas.
Intoxicated, thoughts tailspin,
as I fall to my knees.
Gone in a flash, you sprouted wings,
the pain and anguish heartbreak brings...
gone in a flash
gone in a flash
from my gelid heart, ice now springs.
In shadows of what could have been,
hiding the tears I've shed.
Another morning I begin,
loneliness lies ahead.
Cinnamon tea to start the day,
peer out the window, skies are grey...
cinnamon tea
cinnamon tea
in corner seat at the cafe.
In shadows of what could have been,
shattered dreams all that's left.
Not knowing why, how, what or when,
I'm lost, feeling bereft.
Lucky at love, that isn't me,
you said that we would always be...
lucky at love
lucky at love
now all that's left is love's debris.
Author notes
Option 1 - Song (Almost Lover) by A Fine Frenzy &
Option 2 - Wordbank (haunted, wings, shadows, lucky, cinnamon, morning, gelid, (intoxicated) form of intoxicating)
Trijan Refrain
The Trijan Refrain, created by Jan Turner, consists of three 9-line stanzas, for a total of 27 lines.
Line 1 is the same in all three stanzas, although a variation of the form is not to repeat the same line
at the beginning of each stanza. In other words, the beginning line of each stanza can be different.
The first four syllables of line 5 in each stanza are repeated as the double-refrain for lines 7 and 8.
The Trijan Refrain is a rhyming poem with a set meter and rhyme scheme as follows:
Rhyme scheme: a/b/a/b/c/c/d,d (refrain of first 4 words of line five) /c
Meter: 8/6/8/6/8/8/4,4 refrain/8
A contest entry
- Almost Lover - Todays Group Contest by Todays Poem Box.
600 points, ended November 28, 2007, 12 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Like Music? Enter Now! by Athena of Starlite.
800 points, ended December 20, 2007, 18 entries
Bronze trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
1 - 30 of 30
-
Congratulations on the hardware. They are both much deserved. I don't understand the form, looks like you got this one right for sure. You nailed it. You struck a chord here as I just lost my love before I even got a chance to know if we would have worked. Stay cool.
-
-
I'm sorry about the loss of your love. Don't give up on it though. If it's meant to be it will and if not the right one is out there. Thank you for the applause and your words so kind. They are greatly appreciated. seamaiden ♥
-
-
This is amazing....
Congratulations on both awards, very well deserving.
Your words in this is enchanting and refreshing. I think you did a wonderful job here.
ephiphany♥
-
-
Thank You!
I downloaded the song when we had our group contest and I can't even tell you how many times that I listened to it. The form seemed to be a perfect one for the write needed. I'm glad you liked this one. Thank you for the applause and you words so kind. They are greatly appreciated.
seamaiden ♥
-
-
Too beautiful for words. I've lost two very important souls since the last couple of weeks, our daughters Godfather, 35 and our dog of 15 years. This poem has healing powers. i don't know how to explain but things don't always have to feel good for there to be healing. Every line, every word is perfect. I came to thank you for your lovely comments earlier and am so glad I found this.
-
-
OMG!
I am sorry for your loss and I do understand what you said about the healing powers. I thank you for the applause and your words so kind. I'm glad this could help you in some way. Thank you for the work you shared with me. 
seamaiden ♥
-
-
interesting
Congrats on the silver winnings! I like the way you wrote your poem.Sometimes repetive words seem too much, but with a poem like this about broken love you made a good choice on which words to use as repeats.Masterful call!! Keep on writing & I'll keep reading.
-
-
Refrain words or lines are important in the sense they can add so much strength to a write. You called it well when you said I chose the proper ones to use in this. Thank you for the congratulations and your words so kind. They are greatly appreciated.
seamaiden ♥
-
-
Congrats on your silver in the contest. Somehow I did pull off the gold, but personally would have placed this above mine...for it was an endeavor with a form that you'd only used once and it was done so well, and a much, much harder write as it is so structured..and I just talked,
Congrats again,
Evan -
-
Thank you for coming by again to say congratulations and the same comes to you for gold. I am going to read yours now. I am not sure if I did or not because I look at so many poems. Keep writing poet. seamaiden ♥
-
-
Very well penned combination of the prompt choices. You made this poem so melodic. Bravo!!!
Blessed be,
Billie Jean
-
-
This was my second attempt at the form used and I wanted to try it with the first line being a refrain seeing as my first one didn't. The song was sad and lovely which made it very inspirational for this write. The word bank seemed to fit right in with it. I'm glad you liked it. Thank you for the applause and your kind words. They are greatly appreciated. seamaiden ♥
-
-
A truly beautiful work from beginning to end and a beautiful example of how the Trijan Refrain can be of good use for I doubt that it could be done as well in anyother form. Beautiful penning here and best wishes in this and further contests,
Evan
-
-
I am very taken by your words. This was my second in this form and I wanted to use the refrain in the first line for this one. My first it varied. I'm glad you like this. I did put a lot of thought into this one. Thank you for the applause and your words so kind. They are greatly appreciated. seamaiden ♥
-
-
Your poem is beautiful!
-
-
Thank you for your kind words. They are greatly appreciated. seamaiden ♥
-
-
Excellent!
You did wonderful with the word bank and did more justice to the poem. It seems I am listening to a cool music by just reading your poem -
-
I'm glad this one could sing to you. It was fun to try this form a second time keeping the first line as a refrain line too. Thank you for your kind words. They are greatly appreciated. seamaiden ♥
-
-
This is an excellent take on the prompt. You did a great job with the word bank that was provided. Thank you for entering the contest and best of luck!
Write on.
~*~SP~*~
-
-
I'm glad you liked it and the contest was fun. The song was a lovely one even being sad. I had never heard it. Thank you for the applause and your kind words. They are greatly appreciated. seamaiden ♥
-
-
WOW!!!
Oh wow....this is such a lovely sad song here...it almost brought me to tears...and I am so anxtious to go and listen to the song that inspired you...But if you ever find yourself some good musicians to play the music with your song here I am almost sure I am going to buy yours immediatly
XXJeannette
-
-
OMG, your words have taken me aback here. I didn't know of this song before the contest. I listened over and over as I wrote. I didn't expect the responses I have gotten. Thank you for the applause and your words so kind. They are greatly appreciated. seamaiden ♥
-
-
Wow! This is a word bank? How cool and you did such a wonderful job with it. I line how you used the traditional Trijan Refrain using L1 as a refrain to head each stanza. This piece flows like silk and yes, you can sing it. Well done!
Love,
Amera♥
-
-
I used the song prompt and the word bank. I must have listened to the song at least 20 times while I was writing. I had never heard the song, it was very good. The first attempt at this form I didn't use that L1 refrain and wanted to get one with it in there. Thank you for the applause and your words so kind. They are greatly appreciated. seamaiden ♥
-
-
we really felt the beauty in this poem.
Didn't this writer lead us well! we experienced her
sorrow but didn't drown in it...she used her words wisely
creating the imagery..and the anguish..longing, questioning. I really enjoy this poem!
ears2hearyou
Kathleen : ))
-
-
I am taken by your words so kind. I don't know quite what to say except thank you so much, both for the applause and your words. They are greatly appreciated. This was my second attempt with this form and I this time I kept the first line of each stanza as a refrain instead of changing it, which is allowed. I'm glad you enjoyed it so much. seamaiden ♥
-
-
beautifully painful, i think we can all relate in some way to this. very different form, you did it wonderfully. best of luck in this contest
Tasha
-
-
I wanted to combine both options there and Denierim sparked my interest in the form when she did one for the other group contest. It is a challenging but fun form. Thank you for the applause and your words so kind. They are greatly appreciated. seamaiden ♥
-
-
Relating
I can currently relate very well to your poem. My serious boyfriend of three years left me yesterday. He didn't give me a reason. Stanza three really got me, because I feel lost and I know I'm going to for awhile. He told me forever and now look. I've never been lucky until I met him, but I guses that wasn't so lucky-so you see I relate to your poem personally. I think you did very well at portraying heartbreak and how [you] sit alone at the cafe sipping the usual, but the rest of the routine is undone because a large part is missing now. Beautiful. Keep penning and good luck in the contest!
-
-
I'm so sorry that you can relate to this personally. I don't know what I would do if something like that happened to me. I have been married for some time and when we said the words "I do" in my heart that meant forever. Thank you for the applause and your words so kind. They are greatly appreciated. I hope that things will turn around for you. seamaiden ♥
-
Adding your comment:
1 - 30 of 30
