Have you ever watched lightning
thrash about the stormy sky,
seeking revenge through
pelting rain and darkness, believing
that although the danger is deliciously
near and your heart is racing...
...you're still untouchable?
Author notes
Word count: 35
Please be honest in your criticism.
I tried to use as much imagery as possible. I hope this is ok, but feel free to DQ. =]
A contest entry
- Have you ever...? by Exodus.
2550 points, ended November 27, 2007, 38 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Pimp up my quickies or snippets by leander.
400 points, ended December 4, 2007, 37 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - The news in brief - Short poetry by ilovemygrape.
450 points, ended February 5, 2008, 22 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
1 - 11 of 11
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This is a nice description of the awe we feel when surrounded by the visceral power of nature and the intoxicating urge we have to let it absorb us. A thunderstorm is a wonderful reminder of the real world; it reasserts the power of mother nature and outshines the artificial lights of our feeble cities. I saw a thunderstorm on holiday in Turkey last year that literally filled the sky. Sheet and fork lightning annihilating what seemed to be the entire world. Nature's revenge is sweet.
Thanks for the entry -
Ooh, good one
I actually like the imagery you have managed to capture within the words of this poem and at the same time you provided something to think about 
well done!
thank you for entering this contest, I wish you the best of luck!
Leander -
The empty lines near the end help make it even more powerful, speaking without words, building toward the unexpected final lines.
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Amazing
I loved this poem from start to finish. The imagery was awesome, and I could relate to what you were saying gj, and good luck in the contest.
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hehe, you really captured the thunderstorms, i remember you telling me you loved them, this may be how you feel, i myself am not a fan of thunderstorms meh, i got a little confuzzled with the lines that didn't end on the line and kept going, but i guess that coz all my poems end like that, i really like the untouchable thing as i didn't know how you could work untouchable into something about a storm, but you did it really well
congrats xx.x Jordy -
so true how we believe we are immortal till the first illness or accident strikes us,
then like a bolt of awareness, the shock settles in, and we realize we are but a speck of dust, in a sunbeamed moment swirling rapidly downward towards oblivion.. Great write~~Artis
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oooh this is eerie and haunting, but very deep and relateable as well! I think you really captured what this contest was about. best of luck & thanks for sharing!
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I loved this
Thank you for adding the word count in the Authors Notes.
I liked how you seperated the last bit, it added to the potency of what you were saying. Personally I think you could get rid of "the" in the first line, as it is in the first three and does not sound as good as it could. Break it up a bit, if that makes sense.
Thank you -
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Thanks, I knew it sounded a bit clunky and you just pointed out the culprit!! Much appreciated, and let me know if there's anything else I should change. xx
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i really love this poem.ive always been a big lover of the rain and i love walking outside in storms . great write!
<3 Zannah
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Cool ending. Unexpected too. Interesting because I had a dream about a really strange storm last night. There were all these tornadoes coming down. Ha ha. Come to think of it... it's probably from playing Sim City 3000. ;) Sorry for rambling. Interesting piece. I, personally, would move the "near" up from the 6th line and put it at the end of the 5th. I think it might read nicer.
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