Have you ever
scribbled on someone's world
colouring their lives
in shades of pale ~
artifice ink
dipping deep into emotions
tracing borrowed time;
sharing crayons
not meant for you
drawing the outline of bodies
entwined in misuse.
Have you ever
stolen her pen
to write your name on his heart?
A contest entry
- Have you ever...? by Exodus.
2550 points, ended November 27, 2007, 38 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Favorites - Your best Prewrites by Cupcrazy.
1000 points, ended January 17, 2008, 31 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 25 of 25
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Beautiful piece, wonderful metaphors, loved it, Hugs, bunny
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Beautifully done, the wording is uniquely scribed and such divine emotions wrapped around.
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great words, poet, great words.
touching. and beautiful
well done
Abby -
Beautiful metaphors on such a cliche topic. You have drawn out the usuals and penned this with alot of beauty and emotions.
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Beautiful...
This is a beautiful write. Your words flow so well. I can really feel your words. You never cease to amaze me! Best of luck to you in this contest
~Jill
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Wonderful, flowing with unsurpressed talent. Keep it up.
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A really creative approach to the thematic matter. I liked the use of the childhood images to convey the idea in the last stanza. I know this sounds wierd but I also liked the background color because it helped convey the childhood metaphor even further and also helped convey the idea of romance. Nice job!
John Carney
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Liked the crayons and the last stanza of your poem. I hope you win!
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this is a really great poem.
Caycee
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thanks for sharing
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Excellent write!!
Very creative write here my dear!! Makes one double check the personal feelings about one's own methods and purposes! Very well done! Don
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to reiterate yet again the words repeating numerous times already, amazing, creative, vivid, well-executed metaphor... having worked quite a bit in my mom's kindergarten, especially appreciated the lines about "scribbling on another's world" and "sharing crayons." impressive how you twisted them so much to speak of something else. the final stanza sums it up, clever double meaning makes it more explicit.
not so sure about some of the more pointed, heavy foreboding of "artifice ink/... tracing borrowed time," "drawing the outline of bodies/entwined in misuse." feel if not so heavily suggested right away, stick more firmly to the childhood images, the impact of the far less innocent situation actually being described when it is more explicitly revealed would be more powerful. anyways, like this style, love the metaphor, and you did great things with them. -
Beautiful.
=]
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wow!!amazing gr8 job
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Wonderful
I loved the metaphors you used in this poem relating to art. Very creative and very well done! I especially like the second stanza; it captured my attention. A simply beautiful description of life's troubles portrayed through art supplies! It's amazing how you can take the simplest ideas and turn them into something amazing.
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Clever piece
& a great read. But I wonder.. In the end do you win?
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Wow!
That last line is....Wow, deep and a beautiful sense of wordplay. Very nice. -
This really was a wonderful piece of poetry, the metaphors are really strong,
Have you ever
stolen her pen
to write your name on his heart?
That last stanza is so powerful, I reread it atleaste 4 times, wonderful piece of poetry, keep it up, Romanee, xx
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The last stanza is my favorite. Sucha beautiful piece!
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BRILLIANTLY WRITTEN
LOVE THE MATAPHORS VERY EFFECTIVE....AND I MAY HAVE ONCE....AND WE'RE MARRIED NOW!!! -
so very clever... and elegantly penned.
nope~ never.
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WOW!
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Oh wow. Normally I am not one for love poems (of any sort) but this is extremely well written. You've got some great metaphors in here and a beautiful use of language. Thank you
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D@MM GooD
This is perfect.
Joe
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Oh My!!
Wonderful piece penned with images to stain the Mind and also Love Your weaving of words
Beautiful!!
Love the words: entwined in misuse...
that certainly grabs...hard....
Keep that ink flowing!!
Thank You for sharing Your Talent!
Best wishes to You in the contest
Many blessings too
and much love~ Desire~*~
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