Dear Young Boy,
Your life is not as important
as the ideas of your elders.
Dear Cherished Son,
Your hapiness is not as important
as your father's property.
Dear Beautiful Brother,
Your safety is not as important
as that of your sister.
Dear Honored Father,
When you are gone your children
will commemorate your sacrifice,
they will honor your memory,
remember your love,
love without you there.
Dear Citizen,
Your death will bring fortune
to the fortunate.
For giving your life,
you earn honor.
It will warm your grave.
Author notes
I'm sorry if this doesn't quite fit your contest, I'm just a bit pissed at how people hold dying for your country as such a great honor right now.
A contest entry
- A World Beyond Your Own by Cacho.
600 points, ended November 24, 2007, 9 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - A Contest For Teens by xTomorrowx.
750 points, ended February 3, 2008, 50 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Does it mesh together? Inconsistancies and bits that don't fit please.
Comments
1 - 6 of 6
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I really like this, i completely agree with your point of view in this poem, I don't believe people should be made to go to war against their will in the first place, and if they are, dying shouldn't make them heroes, war in my opinion is stupid and anyone who participates should not be rewarded.
I know, there are those who are forced to go to defend their country or everyone could die, but I do not believe the government should be able to make people go out and die and then make them heroes... It's wrong... But that's just my opinion on war....
A great poem, and a great opinion, written so strongly...
Very good job, thanks for entering and good luck. -
exactly!
Like, I hate it when their like, "if you die, then you're a hero instantly..."
Not be a jerk, but no, it's kind of the people who live who should be honored...
I had to a comparsion last year between Anne Frank and Guy Montag about who was the greater hero. Now, i adore Anne, but personally, what Guy did was much more couragous, saving books from being burned and turning againist his oppresive soicety, not to mention that metal dog monster thing...
Anne just hid and was eloquent with words, and then sadly, died. But so did millions of others...how are they not any less heroic? Yeah, my peers hated me for that, but my teacher was like, gee, you think so different...it's amazing!!!
Ah, the whole middle east conflict sucks...there are no true heros in war.
~Hippie
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I reckon the medics are heroic, they heal indiscriminately in dangerous situations, but I also think the consciencitious objectors are brave, in the 1st or 2nd world war here they were shipped over and made to do medic working and cleaning and all that, unless they were exempt for religous reasons, but my favourite poets father was a famous objector.
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It does speak on a global stage and for that I will allow it. You misspelled cherished in the second stanza, but besides that, no major errors. The idea is well presented, the full spectrum of perspective is taken in consideration and that is very interesting. The sarcasm is clearly driven in the beginning, but I honestly thought you were serious in the last half of the poem, maybe you could find a way to carry the satire all the way through. This is a thought-provoking piece and as far as intent, I'd like to see your frustration show throughout the entire poem.
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Thanks for the comment, I will strive to try and carry the sarcasm through more, I was just having trouble finding things that were server enough to show my point.
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I think its beautifully writtena nd stuructured Kate..
It is what you wanted to say and they way you wanted to say it .. so nothing else matters
i really like it
I love the way you express your view of soldiers loosing their lives in this.. how their life isnt important to the ideas of other people...
People forget to think of soldiers as people and not just protectors and other things but as humans
I wish youa ll the best in this contest
well done great write.. keep it up
Trandivine love
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