I know in my mind
your love is first class,
but my heart blossomed
from gold fertiliser.
Kisses are champagne
and I have always been
an expensive drunk.
Someone grown in
fighting
&cheating
&drama
&rum &coke
would appricate you more.
Their third world mind
would be
in awe
of your beauty.
They would feel it
burning down their
. . . roots.
But I will not give you up
because I am first class
and I give as good as I get.
Author notes
So I scribbled this on the back cover of my environmental policy folder after a lecturer about the different theories for the solutions to the inequity of this world.
I'm not sure the last stanza works, your thoughts?
A contest entry
- No Perfection by xTomorrowx.
500 points, ended June 6, 2008, 33 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Just Give Me Something To Read by HerbalGoat.
300 points, ended January 18, 2008, 89 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Anything Goes (Almost Anything) by Carly Pop.
500 points, ended December 15, 2007, 23 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Does it mesh together? Inconsistancies and bits that don't fit please.
Comments
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The last stanza works...it refers to your expensive drunk analogy, which shows quite nicely how you treat love and accept it...though the part about "burning down their...roots" is abiet confusing. Perhaps it's referring to your golden fertilizer, or it's just another facet of the poem...still, for me at least, it breaks the flow a little...
perhaps add another metaphor about love and money and class to that line and the poem would be fantastic!
~hippie
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I like this ! Love the way you use words Ahhh <3 x
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This is cool, different and interesting =)
I really like it, you have a unique talent =)
Thanks heaps for entering and good luck! =)
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