Give me the words I値l say
Give me the orders I値l do them
Give me the wishes I値l live
Give me the strength I値l fight
Give me the serenity I値l sleep
Give me the chance I値l run
Give me the power I値l live
Give me the reasons I値l know
Give to me whatever you have
Whatever you can spare
Give me proof and give me truth
Give me whatever you dare
Give to me the qualities
That you want me to own
Give me a lie and watch me try
I will fall and I won稚 moan
A contest entry
- Lost love and getting it back by useles.
900 points, ended November 12, 2007, 11 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Thrown together quickly... does it show?
Comments
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Personally I like it.
Many poets won't like the repitition of - Give me the - in the beginning but I don't find fault with it. I do think there needs to be a seperation of some kind between that and the rest of the line. Maybe:
Give me the words; I’ll say them (it seems unfinished without {them}) This is a good way to seperate two independant sentances without ending the first. I think you should end one of these differently:
Give me the wishes I’ll live
Give me the power I’ll live
I think you could tweek it a little and make it better, but I don't think it's bad to begin with.
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