Night's restless shadow
casts gray over November sky.
I launch my raft,
patched with shallow excuses.
Deep waters of remorse
drag tears to muddy depths.
Queasy, I steer craft,
retrieve what I alone must shed.
Ripples rise
to punishing rapids
hurling my boat into sharp rocks;
taunting attempts
to stay afloat.
Swallowed;
murky silence.
Crystal tears
shimmer in the deep.
Gently I gather
sweetest dew.
Lungs fill with cries,
gasp franticly for air.
Strong currents carry me to shore.
Morning Star whispers forgiveness;
grace caresses mud streaked face.
Grateful tears flow.
Author notes
I reworked this poem on July 6, 2008.
In a list
A contest entry
- A UNIQUE CHRISTIAN CONTEST by The-Human-Stain.
300 points, ended November 27, 2007, 8 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Your Best Prewrite by Heavenly Angel.
450 points, ended December 8, 2007, 38 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - For the love of god CONFUSE ME by h202.
450 points, ended February 10, 2008, 64 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Give Me Your Best! by Celticmoon.
450 points, ended January 14, 2008, 56 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Deliverance by Danna Hobart.
375 points, ended March 15, 2008, 8 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - I'm Proud of myself! Look inside! Prewrites contest! by Beautiful-N-Broken.
700 points, ended March 20, 16 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Got an HM You Think Deserves Better? by Paloszoo.
900 points, ended April 9, 36 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What do you think?
Comments
1 - 40 of 40
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Mom, this is perfect! I will use this one.
The poem...I can hardly think of what to say. It's great! It's not what the title leads you to believe, & I like surprises (as long as they are good).
Thanks for sharing this! I'm bookmarking it for later.
Love,
Your daughter
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Hi. Thanks for entering my contest and good luck! I’ve decided to use a slightly edited version of my friend Arkbear’s grading scoreboard to help me judge this contest. I hope he doesn’t mind. It’ll aid me in organizing my thoughts and judging fairly versus randomly. I hope you enjoy it and find it helpful. Writers with the highest possible points out of 80 will obviously win
Title Appeal: 9.25 – Pleasant title. I like it, but I’m not sure if I’d click on it. It screams NATURE POEM, which isn’t necessarily my genre, so I’d likely pass it up. Depends on my mood. Creative, though.
Poem Flow: 9.75 – Flow was great!
Depth: 9.5 – Nice visuals and impact. Power behind your words is slightly lacking.
Emotional Impact: 9.35 – I could relate to this poem, and I felt like you took me on a journey with you. Nice job!
Spelling and Grammar: 10 – Excellent!
Punctuation and Caps: 10 – Right on!
Presentation: 9.75 – Stanzas are great.
Personal Appeal: 9.45 – Loved it! A great read!
My score: 77.05/80.00
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Great write! Thanks for entering!
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Love the powerful wording, emotion and images in this! I much enjoyed it.
Excellent! -
Unfortunately, this has already won two trophies so I can't fairly judge it. However, it is a lovely piece and your faith is strong. Thank you for your entry. All my best!
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love the poem and i love the background. thank you for sharing this. sorry it took nme a while to get to this. keep writing and designing! God bless you sister always
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Thanks, Sis!
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Such a great poem, I felt as though I was being carried by it. The background is great on my screen, it is very beautiful. I am not a fan of red but this one I like
Nice work sis on both
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Thanks, Cindy! I'm glad it "works" on your screen. Thanks for letting me know, and the nice comment on the poem and clappies!
This might work as monochrome in grays and black also.
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wow this background is brilliant the colours are wonderful together and the effects are amazing some rilliant hard work congratulations on your honor
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Thanks for your comment!
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Exceptional!
Wow!!! The background is beautiful. All your work really paid off. It looks fantastic and displays your incredible poem beautifully. Well done on both. Take a bow, you deserve it.
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Thanks, Sis! You can see both roses in their full?
I had these elements from before. "Easy" I thought. Nay!
I'm glad it's working on your screen It's growing on me.
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Impressive!
This background is perfect on my monitor sis, its seemless, readable and not fussy at all, I love the colour scheme, and of course your poem is so engageing and full of descriptives for the readers mind to imagine...both poem and background compliment each other perfectly
Much love...x ~Lilac
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Thanks, Claire! Yay! I darkened the border some more so it has less contrast and nudged it just a bit by adding 1 pixel more width to the tile.
For some reason, the tile comes up in "add a background" with a conspicuous line between each tile. I fixed it at least twice. It doesn't affect the actual meshed background on my screen, but might on a wider one.
A simple pattern or a solid would work much more easily, I think.
I don't think I'll do one with a single object again.
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this is great hun for your first duo bg this is wonderful! I think you should move the tile on the outer background more to the middle so it tiles seamlessly
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It's not my first but it's my hardest. Believe me, I had fits with this rose! On my screen, it's seamless. The rose on the right could stand to be nudged a teeny bit. I will try it. I may not be able to nudge it that tiny amount.
Is your screen narrow? Very wide?
Thanks on the input! It's not too busy then, eh?
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lol - it wouldn't let me give 3 clappies
- now I see why - I must really like this, I've been here before!...LOLOL
Excellent! -
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Thanks again, aboomer! I've since renamed this poem and edited it some after a "live" group critique.
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wow - I love the wording in this! Great images, too!
Excellent! It would be hard to pick a favorite line - I like so many of them.
Congrats. on your trophies. -
excellent~
Simply beautiful
Love all the imagery in this one
Also congrats on the honorable mention...
A winner through and through
I just penned a new one hope you drop by
Love the background in this poem too
Hugs
Your sis
Susan~~~
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This is lovely. Thanks for entering.
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I think the wording in this is really beautiful! And it reads so nicely. On an emotional level, I can relate to this easily as I'm sure many can. Your wording is just outstanding in this. I really enjoyed it. (and the background is really nice also)
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Thank you very much!
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I must say that it took me awhile to get to the poems at the bottom of your page, soo many images, haha! Thanks again for leaving a pleasant comment on my poem. I liked this one of yours (chose it because of the title! I love the word dew, haha.) You are definitely a true poet.
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Thank you! I am very happy you chose this one. It is so close to me, I haven't been that sure that it works.
Yes, I'm involved in graphics here. Lots of images.
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I like it verry much!
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Amazing!
Wow, I really like how this is done. Even though the poem is written as a physical battle, it screams of the emotional and spiritual battle that is really happening.
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oh my this should be tacked on my wall for remeberance of the Grace God has shown us and still shows!! you words are very pleasantand sweet to my ears dear poet.I'm sure that God has read this and decided to give you extra blessings!!
Mary -
God's forgivness and grace sets an example for all of us and may even help us to do that which is so important aqnd that is to forgive ourselves. Nice job.
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Joyce your words though personal bring hope to others locked within the same emotions as you have been. To see another find the release, the freedom to remorseful and find redeption in God's loving grace is the helping hand many needs more often then not. Thank you for entering. Best of luck to you!
Blessings
Bel
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Thanks, Bel.
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What an honor to God! A very moving piece. This is how God touches your life when you allow Him to come in. Beautiful my friend!!!!
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Awesomely beautiful
When the Lord touches our lives, there is so much beauty, so much peace and forgiveness..wow
I love this from beginning to end; thank you so much for sharing! -
very nice
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Fantastic first five and last four lines! Outstanding descriptions and metaphor. Well-done alliteration. You express a Truth, that personal effort and commitment are necessary (combined with faith and trust in our Savior's power to cleanse and heal us) to make our repentence complete. I think this is one of your best pieces ever.
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To me it's about a little more than repentence this time. Tears are buried too deep and can't be cried until I face and grieve where I fell short with my Mom, my regret.
It's redemption of my heart and soul.
There is fear here, raw fear. But there is rescue from the depths of self remorse and mercy to spare.
I'm glad you like this. Thanks for the comments and clappies.
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I could tell it was more, but couldn't think of the right word...repentence was as close as I could manage, at least it started with an 'r'! This has strength and beauty, and your revision has only improved it!
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"Lungs explode with breathless cries."-very intense---
"Morning Son whispers forgiveness;grace strokes scratched and muddied face."- this was my favorite line, very powerfu and deeply moving, great write- good luck in the contest;
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this is poetry, all right... wonderful images and metaphors that just float down the page and into my mind... I am definately in awe, dear lady
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