Night's restless shadow
casts gray over November sky.
I launch my raft,
patched with shallow excuses.
Deep waters of remorse
drag tears to muddy depths.
Queasy, I steer my craft
to retrieve what I alone must shed.
Ripples rise
to punishing rapids
hurling my boat into sharp rocks;
taunting attempts
to stay afloat.
Swallowed;
murky silence.
Crystal tears
shimmer in the deep.
Gently I gather
sweetest dew.
Lungs fill with cries,
gasp franticly for air.
Strong currents carry me to shore.
Morning Star whispers forgiveness;
grace caresses mud streaked face.
Grateful tears flow.
Author notes
I reworked this poem on July 6, 2008.
In a list
A contest entry
- A UNIQUE CHRISTIAN CONTEST by EverLast.
300 points, ended November 27, 2007, 10 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Your Best Prewrite by Heavenly Angel.
450 points, ended December 8, 2007, 38 entries
Honorable winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - For the love of god CONFUSE ME by smokeringsandscully.
450 points, ended February 10, 80 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Give Me Your Best! by Celticmoon.
450 points, ended January 14, 66 entries
Honorable winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Deliverance by Danna Hobart.
375 points, ended March 15, 8 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What do you think?
Comments
1 - 23 of 23
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lol - it wouldn't let me give 3 clappies
- now I see why - I must really like this, I've been here before!...LOLOL
Excellent! -
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Thanks again, aboomer! I've since renamed this poem and edited it some after a "live" group critique.
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wow - I love the wording in this! Great images, too!
Excellent! It would be hard to pick a favorite line - I like so many of them.
Congrats. on your trophies. -
excellent~
Simply beautiful
Love all the imagery in this one
Also congrats on the honorable mention...
A winner through and through
I just penned a new one hope you drop by
Love the background in this poem too
Hugs
Your sis
Susan~~~
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This is lovely. Thanks for entering.
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I think the wording in this is really beautiful! And it reads so nicely. On an emotional level, I can relate to this easily as I'm sure many can. Your wording is just outstanding in this. I really enjoyed it. (and the background is really nice also)
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Thank you very much!
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I must say that it took me awhile to get to the poems at the bottom of your page, soo many images, haha! Thanks again for leaving a pleasant comment on my poem. I liked this one of yours (chose it because of the title! I love the word dew, haha.) You are definitely a true poet.
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Thank you! I am very happy you chose this one. It is so close to me, I haven't been that sure that it works.
Yes, I'm involved in graphics here. Lots of images.
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I like it verry much!
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Amazing!
Wow, I really like how this is done. Even though the poem is written as a physical battle, it screams of the emotional and spiritual battle that is really happening.
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oh my this should be tacked on my wall for remeberance of the Grace God has shown us and still shows!! you words are very pleasantand sweet to my ears dear poet.I'm sure that God has read this and decided to give you extra blessings!!
Mary -
God's forgivness and grace sets an example for all of us and may even help us to do that which is so important aqnd that is to forgive ourselves. Nice job.
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Joyce your words though personal bring hope to others locked within the same emotions as you have been. To see another find the release, the freedom to remorseful and find redeption in God's loving grace is the helping hand many needs more often then not. Thank you for entering. Best of luck to you!
Blessings
Bel
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Thanks, Bel.
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What an honor to God! A very moving piece. This is how God touches your life when you allow Him to come in. Beautiful my friend!!!!
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Awesomely beautiful
When the Lord touches our lives, there is so much beauty, so much peace and forgiveness..wow
I love this from beginning to end; thank you so much for sharing! -
very nice
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Fantastic first five and last four lines! Outstanding descriptions and metaphor. Well-done alliteration. You express a Truth, that personal effort and commitment are necessary (combined with faith and trust in our Savior's power to cleanse and heal us) to make our repentence complete. I think this is one of your best pieces ever.
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To me it's about a little more than repentence this time. Tears are buried too deep and can't be cried until I face and grieve where I fell short with my Mom, my regret.
It's redemption of my heart and soul.
There is fear here, raw fear. But there is rescue from the depths of self remorse and mercy to spare.
I'm glad you like this. Thanks for the comments and clappies.
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I could tell it was more, but couldn't think of the right word...repentence was as close as I could manage, at least it started with an 'r'! This has strength and beauty, and your revision has only improved it!
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"Lungs explode with breathless cries."-very intense---
"Morning Son whispers forgiveness;grace strokes scratched and muddied face."- this was my favorite line, very powerfu and deeply moving, great write- good luck in the contest;
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this is poetry, all right... wonderful images and metaphors that just float down the page and into my mind... I am definately in awe, dear lady
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