'Twas eighteen-hundred and twenty-two
on a sultry afternoon
when Private John succumbed to lust
for a shiny silver spoon.
He looked to the right, he looked to the left
and then at his heart's desire;
he slyly slid it into his pants
where it set his loins afire.
All day long it kept him warm
and his hands kept wanderin’ there;
he wasn’t subtle, Private John,
and some began to stare.
“What’s that in your pocket?” the Ensign asked
and poor John’s heart almost stopped;
“’Tis nothin’!” he cried and tried to run,
but the spoon from his sweaty pants dropped.
Poor John was arrested and bound in chains
and they rattled as he quaked;
during the trial, he missed his spoon
for which his poor heart ached.
“What would we do if every man
were to pinch a spoon a day?
You’re being charged with treason, boy,
have you nothing at all to say?”
Poor Private John, he was so young
that the bloom hadn’t left his cheek;
all during the trial he nervously smiled,
unable at all to speak.
“For your heinous transgression you must atone
you treacherous, deviant trash!
You’ll learn every spoon is important, young man,
by suffering under the lash!”
Poor Private John did not live long
on that dog day afternoon;
they beat the flesh off the bones of his back
and all for the love of a spoon.
A contest entry
- Edna's First HISTORICAL Contest: York 1822 by Edna Sweetlove.
300 points, ended November 28, 2007, 2 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
.
Comments
1 - 9 of 9
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Good effort
It reminded me vaguely of Kipling's 'Danny Deever'; but Kipling used the language of the soldier of his day. This slips a little: 'deviant' is relatvely modern, and there are other examples. Still, a good tale.
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This is very good indeed and brings a nice lyrical quality to the tragic tale. One serious point of criticism: "buddies" (line 13) is a totally inappropriate term, being both alien to Britain and unknown in 1822!
Once you have thought of a replacement word I shall be happy to return with a clappy or two and very probably a nice shiny medal. -
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Thanks, Edna! Edit made.
"Ensign: lowest subaltern rank in infantry regiments; replaced in 1871 by Second Lieutenant, but still used to refer to Second Lieutenants in some Guards regiments."
I have another alternative as well -- let me know if this one doesn't feel right to you. -
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An Ensign was a (very junior) officer. But he was still an officer (i.e. middle/upper class). No officer would talk in working class terms. So if the character was an officer he would need to speak in correct English. However, a sergeant or corporal would be "other ranks" (i.e. not an officer) and would speak commonly. Since he was one step up above the privates he would wish to curry favour with the officers. And it would have been a corporal or sergeant who administered the lashes. Such is the way the officer class kept the cannon fodder scum under control. Sadly, not much has changed in modern armies.
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I thought that the Ensign in those days was a NonCommissioned Officer -- but even then, as you've pointed out, he'd likely be currying favor and trying to better himself.
Well, to be sure, I am now double checking all my references for the second alternative.
However, the information out there on the slang term I was going to use appears to be equally divided between multiple usages, origins and at what point in the 19th century it was actually used (I have a feeling that all slang, especially old slang, will produce similar results in scholarly circles).
For now, I have simply changed the word "yer" to "your" so that the Ensign will be speaking properly while I continue researching. =)
p.s. Was your comment regarding the fact that a Sergeant or Corporal would be the person delivering the punishment another correction or just an observation?
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This was GREAT!!! If I hadnt read the prompt I would have still known what you were writting about... Incredible job...well done and good luck in the contest!! Looks like a winner to me!!
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Heh -- thank you =) it was fun to write, despite the horror of the story that inspired it.
Edna has interesting contests.
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A Galloping rhyme indeed. One words jarred a little 'buddies'.However the whole poem is enjoyable to read and stays close to the newspaper report. Good Luck with this. Von
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Hi Von -- thanks for the comments =)
I did think about the word "buddies" when I wrote this. I should probably look it up to see if there is a more suitable term from that century.
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