Boy
I reach out behind me
I always find your hand
But, boy
Isn't it nice to be
Able to understand
Girl
You've never felt so cold
Please come to me tonight
Still, girl
Lie still as you lie close
There is no need to fight
Boy
I feel this should be wrong
And yet I feel no shame
No, boy
Did you know all along?
Were you playing your game?
Girl
It hurts me to no end
To see you fight so hard
Oh, girl
It's not wrong to depend
You're not ready to go far
Boy
Why am I still scared
To trust you even now
Girl
Because it isn't fair
I'll make you love somehow.
Author notes
It's really just about the frustration caused by attempts to communicate. A story about a girl who can't trust and a boy saying yes, it really is this easy.
A contest entry
- This is your opportunity to write about your life by only1love4ever.
758 points, ended November 27, 2007, 19 entries
Bronze trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Enter All Your Love Writes Here! by xxRainbowDawnxx.
300 points, ended March 8, 2008, 306 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Did the ending conclude?
Comments
1 - 15 of 15
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I can feel a tension rising with every line in this poem. The way you intercept the two people in here is creative. The way it goes from each POV then back gives the reader just enough information to establish a thought & what they feel this couple's connection is. Lots of frustration, definitely, with how this is played out. The ending was my favorite part, though, because it had just so much promise & the determined voice gave a great effect. "I'll make you love somehow." Awesome job.
Thanks for entering your write in "Enter All Your Love Writes Here!", and good luck!
M a r l u x i a
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The whole idea to use dialogue was based on wanting to have people see it exactly the way I do. I figured that since I learned everything through dialogue, the readers should, too. Frustration was definitely an element.
I've always thought the ending was the most important part of a poem, and I was fairly satisfied with this one.
Thank you, for the critique and the wish of good luck. I really appreciate that.
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Nice
This was simple and powerful.
Loved it.
Sweet write. -
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I suppose simplicity is power in itself.
Thank you.
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It's a good poem.
Love can be very frustrating at times.
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Thank you. I think most people can relate.
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Ace
It really is; its well written and flows brilliantly; its absoulutly fantastic, u shoul win! lol
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Wow, Thank You
I don't know you, Kep, but any and all ass-kissing is appreciated and well received.
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WOW
This is the most wonderful love poem I have ever read, I could have never written anything like this before in my whole life
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Nice Picture
Wow. I've never gotten such praise before. I do believe you are biased. And I think you are wrong; you have written things of equal if not greater value. -
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Well
I don't know about that, but I believe that you are better at it!
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No it didn't but leaving it open made it better.
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I agree. The story hasn't ended yet, after all.
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Wonderful
This is a great love poem, how we do forget, but how we do remember, the attempts we make, the striving ability to love. Trust is such a delicate issue, we all must learn to some how, and it is made easier when we have someone there to guide us. The ending is just the perfect touch! :]
My favorite part of the poem is:
Boy
I reach out behind me
I always find your hand
But, boy
Isn't it nice to be
Able to understand
The way that these lines intertwist, it is just gorgeous. Very well written. Thank you for sharing it with me, and best of luck to you as well!! Have a great day!! ...much love... -
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Thank you so much
I love sincere commenters like you. It means so much and motivates me to write further.
This poem broke my mental block; I'm glad it did so well.
I liked the ending as well, which is rare
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