Falling snow still paints my luminescent smile,
floating past horizons lost for a blind while,
in fractions of a year lost in gentle breeze
strolling in snowy branches of winter trees
my tears turn to ice to shatter in the fall
in hands of winter trolls worthy to enthrall
this dream of ages lost in a truthful sigh
trespassed in the shadows of a dimming night.
I dream this December to see past the dawn,
how the roots are broken and yet again spawn.
Falling snow still paints my luminescent smile
floating past horizons lost for a blind while.
In fractions of a year lost in a gentle breeze
strolling in snowy branches of winter trees,
a new white canvas tainted with blood red tears
foraging centuries for those missing years
yet screaming in silence for truth to be told
of memories turning thousands of smiles old.
Another scent in the cold December wind
lingering instants written of hope ones pinned
against lies of your eagerly waiting lips
promising me the gardens of fresh tulips.
Falling snow still paints my luminescent smile
floating past horizons lost for a blind while.
My tears turn to ice to shatter in the fall
in hands of winter trolls worthy to enthrall
in future written for my very last role
these burning tiers of a play never whole.
A new missing chapter completed in time
fostering this singing heart quickly sublime,
hand me my wings longing for December’s gale;
I have been torn apart, but to no avail
for this soul still wanders in this very day
to find the melody and the words to say.
Falling snow still paints my luminescent smile
floating past horizons lost for a blind while.
© Janniina Hentilä
November 12, 2007
Author notes
I wrote this thing at work so the rhyming isn’t all that complex and the wording isn’t stunning in any way. But considering the fact I wrote this at work… I think I did a marvelous job… lol
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Licentia Rhyme Form
The Licentia Rhyme Form, a poetic form created by Laura Lamarca, consists of at least 3 12-line stanzas with 11 syllables per line. Of course, the poem can be elongated adding on to the following rhyme scheme: aabbccddeeAA, BBffgghhiiAA, CCjjkkllmmAA
The Licentia Rhyme Form is named after Laura Lamarca's signature, "La" and "Licentia" is Latin for "Freedom".
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In a list
Tell me what you think - be as bold as you can; I don't break.
Comments
1 - 27 of 27
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My tears turn to ice to shatter in the fall
in hands of winter trolls worthy to enthrall
in future written for my very last role
these burning tiers of a play never whole.
beautiful words, poet.
your imagery here is just wonderful. this deserved the spotlight!
Abby -
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I'm very glad you liked this piece, as it has taken my favorite spot of my own works.
Thank you for your words and your comment, they mean a lot to me!
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My tears turn to ice to shatter in the fall
I liked that part.I am sorry,I can't be harsh.But this was quite interesting and I,at first thought I wasn't going to read it because of the relation with the snow,but I am glad I did.
...Simply Me♥ -
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Thanks for reading it, even though the relation with the snow
And thanks for your words and the comment; they mean a lot to me!
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A lovely piece of form you have penned here. It is more simple that complex, but this also allows more of an understanding for your readers.
There is one line that seems possibly a bit off for me:
[["lingering instants written of hope ones pinned"
maybe 'lingering instance written of hope once pinned'...]]
Overall I applaud you for this - as one who likes to writa a bit while working, I know just how amazing it is to find the peace to do so!
Great write!
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I should work with that part of the write... There are actually a few parts I'd like to change of this write, but don't seem to find the time. That's one of the bad things when writing at work; actually getting lost to the world inside your head. But thanks for pointing that out for me; will see to it as soon as possible.
And thanks for your truthful words and the kind comment; they mean the world to me!
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I truly enjoyed this... you captured not only the form, but evoked feeling in this write . I loved the last two lines. Together they are powerful> weird thing as an aside.... i was going to do something similar for the challenge group I belong too! I believe I will scratch that.... LOL This write is simply elegant in its wording and form and i couldn't hope to write better. Peace and Harmony.... desi
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I'm so very glad you like this piece so much; I did the hardest I could at work to get it written... lol
Thank you for your kind words; they mean a lot to me!
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howdy
I like this one, I do like the wording.I think its very poetic though not with a snobbishly broad vocabulary.I like the sensuality and life given to ideas,I think it awakens us to the fundamental "realness" of how we interpret what we see in the world and our dreams and plans.As is the case with alot of abstract(though very well grounded) poems it is hard for me to get a theme or rather an underlying logical understanding in the boring left-brained sense of what your going through.But this does not detract in any way from the beauty of the poem
But its very well written and entertaining.Good Job -
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I admit my poems hardly ever have a clear structure or a true story I tell. It might be my mind just works that way, creating these abstract poems. But I like the poems where you have to really work to find the theme and understanding from them, or the poems that set out several roads to take to these aspects. It's a taste matter mostly, and I do try to write different kinds of poetry too. This is just what my mind is usually accustomed to
Thank you for your honest and kind words; they truly mean the world to me!
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I am not at all familiar with this form. But it is fantastic and i must say you worked it. Very well chosen words and a flawless rhyme. The flow was just right, very smooth and elegant. Great one!
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It's a fun form and I suggest everyone out in the world to try it out. It's tough, but definately worth it!
And thanks a million for you kind words and the comment; they mean a lot to me!
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Well, poetry can ALWAYS be revised. Yes you did a wonderful job with this form. I personally don't feel that the rhyming is the most important feature to a poem. It is all in the word usage. You did a splendid job if you were able to work and write this at the same time. Yay!
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I'm getting pretty good at it; working and writing at the same time... I'm a terrible worker... But I do get my work done lol
And I agree, it isn't about the rhyme but the word usage itself. Some people just like to remind me how typical the rhymes felt and stuff like that. I don't mind it, but enough is enough
And thanks for your kind words and the comment; they mean the world to me!
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Excellent write!
Amazed by the passion of this piece..it really takes on a whole life all of its own..
You are a gifted poet..
Peace and many blessings
~A~
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I try my best so it's great to know it payes off! Thank you for such a sweet comment and such sweet words. Every comment means the world to me and I appreciate them greatly.
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This is lovely! such vivid imagery, you can almost feel the time passing into a new season. I love the build up from the gentle breezes to the coming December gale with that expectant urgency anticipating it
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I'm glad I managed with this. I wanted to fit life into this one. At first it's easy, a gentle breeze of an innocent child. But little by little the wind starts growing to that gale of difficulty that takes place at some point. It's not fitting to this story itself, but it was a thought I had while writing this.
Thanks for your kind words and the comment; they mean a lot to me!
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Such a talent you have. A wonderful poem so well written. If I was locked in a room for a year I would nott been able to write this, let alone at work.
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Mind is a wonderous thing I guess... lol
And I'm sure if you were given that year, you surely would've been able to make a poem such as this one.
Thanks a million for your kind words and the comment; they mean a lot to me!
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You did do a marvelous job, I love this! You certainly did Laura's form justice. The image you painted is fantastic filled with motion and passion, sorrow and hope. The flow isn't forced and rolls off the lips like honey. Well done!
Love,
Amera♥
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I love this form so very much so I'm glad I managed to write well on it! My biggest fear was that I might've destroyed it while writing this... Work and poetry don't really match up with oen another lol
Thanks for your kind words and the comment; they mean the world to me!
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what an enjoyable poet you are
you really teach us the importance of writing with a
flow~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~I felt like the snow in this poem,
I saw the Blood Red Tears, I felt too like a wandering
soul...okay, how'd he do that? Was it this structure,
Licentia Rhyme form? brillantly done! good job dear
poet good job! (I am never entering a contest he's in)
will learn and grow from this piece!
ears2hearyou
Kathleen : )))
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I got my inspiration from the snow. It started snowing here yesterday during my work day and my head was filled with these images I just had to put to paper... I guess the thing that shows in this piece are the emotions that went through me when I wrote this. I love the snow. *runs away from her computer to make snowangels in the ice* lol
Thanks for your kind words and the comment; they mean the world to me!
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You did do a marvelous job This form suits you
Well done with this and thank you for sharing! Laura x 
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I like this form a lot. I've only written 2 poems in it, but for some reason it just fits in my mind. It's fun to work with this form so thank you for sharing the form with us
Thanks for your words and the comment; they mean the world to me!
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