I remember a small movement,
As if to spear the rising arc of fear.
His hand was cold in that moment,
His breath at once let go away from here.
I remember the fall of the chest;
Drunken fields, then dried and sunken,
The trees suddenly bared of leaves,
My icy howling final note unbroken.
The slumping from the hospital chair,
Lost and alone on supporting bones,
I see myself as flat; stapled there.
I remember the small movement I still own.
A contest entry
- Emotion. by IsNoLongerOnAp.
360 points, ended January 11, 2008, 25 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
1 - 11 of 11
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this is a wonderful poem, I however do think some punctuation marks would help improve this write and but more feeling into it. But I do like the words a lone.
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I love this soo much. I really do, Your one of the only people that are in my contest that I dont have to critisize. I love that veryy much, big bonus. Good lluck
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Excellent Writing
You got INSIDE the man at that moment ("alone on supporting bones") I felt a taste of what you AND HE felt.
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Such emotion in so few words.Beautiful peice you have penned,thank you for sharing
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so much emotion...very beautiful
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great!
amazingly descriptive, get still wonderfully vague. i love it -
Wow, a very moving piece. Shows the reader directly into your eyes and emotions. I enjoyed the read.
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This is so beautifull! Thankyou for sharing this!
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This is a truly touching touching piece, the last five lines especially heartbreaking. So much feeling captured and imparted in this brilliant writing. Very well done.
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Mallig
Thank you for your kind words - - I truly appreciate them - My best to you and yours
Mr. Doug -
Thank you so much. I'm so pleased it touched you, you've made my day.
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