And if I am dying,
on the verge of escape,
defying the rules I used to believe in
And these allergic conditions, as I see, as I feel;
I am agonising in this painful world.
The sound of my voice can surely persuade; interface
But it is a pseudo classic in real
Will I like my future away from you, "my Present"?
Superficial care if you think that I will be fine
Am I going now?
Meticulous about the after,
my guitar will be the momento of a trace; mine.
There is something meretricious about us,
that I fear but love also.
It is just too late now for these thoughts or any mirror image questions,
that will remain I suppose,
internal for eternal
Author notes
An artist, leaving this world. Her system lacks white blood cells and her own kids are not apt as donors.
A contest entry
- Transparent Thoughts by zochit2me.
800 points, ended November 18, 2007, 9 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - A Moment in Time (contest by sinnastarr) by Sinnastarr.
590 points, ended December 31, 2007, 39 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - show me your sensitiveness... by poetic-enigma21.
800 points, ended November 5, 2008, 11 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Everything 2 by Juno101.
500 points, ended August 9, 30 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What did you think
Comments
1 - 7 of 7
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yo, i think its interesting. i had a hard time making out what you meant and the meaning of some lines but your are keeping me thinking. i have no idea what the title means. thanks for entering my moresome.
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nice choice of words and a good flow as well....my fav lines are-
Will I like my future away from you, "my Present"?
my guitar will be the momento of a trace; mine.
great work
good luck
cheers
shilpa
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kindly mention your concern in the A.N
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This was a nice poem. You portrayed your thoughts quite well here. I like the use of extended vocabulary and the overall concept of this piece.
Well done.
Good job on winning an honourable trophy in the last contest you entered this piece in.
All and all a good contest entry.
Thank you so much for entering and I wish you the best of luck. -
* tears are reason for love *
How this is pulling at my heart. How well I feel I can relate. There are so many heart breaking emotion within this read I just want to cry. Well done dear poet. You have touched me deep in the soul that aches and that is hard to do. Well said.
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I cannot put my finger on what it is about this poem but something draws me to it. I am not sure I understand all of it but still like I said, there is something about it that hangs with me.
Thank you for taking the time to enter.
Becky
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She told me : " u r mine" and I believed her...
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