Trying to hold back your tears
As you say goodbye
But you can't do it
So teardrops trickle down
As you get into the car
And your dad starts the engine
You turn around and say one last goodbye
Tears salty on your lips
On the journey to the other side
Of the country, a place you'll soon call home
You hear soft tapping on the car window
The rain reflects how down you feel
As each raindrop falls on the window
But amidst all confusion in your head
The graceful sound soothes you
As you look at the raindrops
That had collected on the window
It seems that they have painted a pretty picture
Telling you that you're going to be alright
A contest entry
- 3 Options by Beauty Of Silence.
650 points, ended December 25, 2007, 17 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Rain by kales4.
450 points, ended July 21, 2008, 90 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - The Rain by Dragonbabyx3.
2399 points, ended December 23, 2008, 48 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
1 - 6 of 6
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This is beautiful and yet sad write. I remember feeling this way when I moved away from home. Beautiful job on the imagery! Thankyou for entering my contest and Good Luck!
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Thank you for entering my contest. I really enjoyed this poem. As a recent high school graduate i am feeling the same anxiousness about moving and starting a new life. I like how in the poem the rain soothes the narrator, as it seems to be starting a new slate. Great write and good luck
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wow!
This was truely an amazing piece of poetry! It just fascinates me how you write in such a oetic manner and paint such beautiful imagery in peoples minds!
Great job dear... And i love the way you incoperated friendship into this poem... You weaved the emotions so well... i could feel the sorrow behind each raindrop! It definitely hurts to leave a friend behind and move on...
You last stanza was very soothing! It ended the poem very well... and it showed hope too... no matter what happens... you will be fine in the end! just keep the faith alive!
OH! and there's a mistake. the last stanza's first line... Shouldn't it be "look" Other than that, this poem was simply brilliant! best of luck in the contest!
Much love always,
Ranji
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Thank you for entering my contest. I like the flow, a little hard at part, maybe break it up a little more for a greater pause. Ex: "You turn around and say one last goodbye" to
You turn around
(gives a pause to lead the reader on)
And say one last goodbye
Sounds like a sad experience. I like your reference to the elements. Your tears and the rain, almost like natures expression to your pain. Nice write. -
Awww, such a sad time when one is moved from where they were comfortable and surrounded by friends to a new place where one is an outsider and it takes much to become accepted, yet it does happen. Nicely done and thanks for entering into the contest.
Be well and be blessed,
Mouser -
wow!
this is such a lovely poem. I could feel the emotions of leaving friends. beautiful!
such a sweet piece and it shows the lighter side of life. I love how you took the picture to a whole new level. I really loved this. best of wishes in the contest!
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