Fill this charcoal heart as wings of a dove upon desert sky,
What beholds gasps a dreamers eyes, her blue, driven in lavender that bathes every sense till her hairs raise high,
The trees upon the crisp hidden sky sway in elegance knowing of hidden treasure,
knowing of it's secret essence miles high.
they look to their reflections in the crisp clear water that lays beneath their feet.
Look in amazement to what everday they see.
Though welcoming a pure their leaves kiss her cheek,
For a passion in which natures soul shall only seek.
Absorbing every kiss and every inch of their nature,
To what secrets hold in a forest so deep, and to what depts their shallow waters shall run so clear.
gods painting in a canvas he shows to me, lavendar beauty never to eyes every see,
though my heart so full, he shows it to me.
Please tell me what you think
Comments
-
Your poem feels unfinished as if you are squashing the lines together. The images you have penned are quite beautiful but I think you need to edit and fit this poem in a proper format. It will make it easier to read and flow better as well. I have to DQ you for it is over 10 lines ,,,please do not be upset. Your poem is good, it just does not belong in this contest.
-
I like the language and imagery in this piece. On a personal note, I highly suggest that you adjust your poem by adapting break lines for it will add more unexpected visual and effect in your piece. Just my thought
Thanks for sharing and keep writing fellow poet.
Virgoan
-
This is gorgeous, dear... The pictures you have painted with your words are absolutely stunning! Best of luck to you, my dear.
Love and light always
Adding your comment:
