Together, we walk a tender path.
Along these frozen fields,
where the reeds, wrinkled crepe,
bow under the rime, waiting
to sway back when released
from the cold blasphemy --
winter’s song shining in its
mirage of diamonds. Ice,
a clear frigid spell: a drape
of icicles from the eaves, teeth
broken on sorrow’s sad sun.
You huddle beneath my arm,
stealing warmth as you dream:
a Mediterranean mandolin
playing on coastal blue,
sitting in the shade upon
a hotel verandah, biting into
Bosc Pears, licking
the juice from your chin.
We laugh at the righteous
rhetoric of young men at a near table.
The season’s bluster bursts your hot dream
with blunt ravenous fingers of cold seeking
the last steamy memory. With old men’s
breath, we crunch on the backs
of grasses, wonder when we shall
face the cotton flakes of the first
snow and leave the misery:
this time between the last leaves of fall
the buried landscape of winter's mystery.
7:56 PM
11/11/07
Alexandria, VA
Author notes
I read Forest Foundry by frownsnfreckles
In a list
A contest entry
- for the poets who think they can write imagery (pw allowed) by abuyi.
1200 points, ended January 24, 2008, 29 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 29 of 29
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i loved your imagery .. its so pleasent too read
thanks for entering my contest and best of luck
regards
abdulla -
Your imagery is gorgeous. I felt like I had been there too. Very powerful.
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I couldn't ask for more. This is, just, a visit within a visit, a moment capturing itself. You compliment me deeply with your comment. I could ask for no more.
Love, Tom B.
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Mountains are glorious things when fresh and green but they also have that reverence when topped in fresh snow. I enjoyed this walk of memory along the peaks and it again speaks of a day that sits in your memory with one you love. Love, C PS: Ghosts are always there whether we revisit them again or not.
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Is a ghost that is unseen haunting? When our memories steal us from where we are now, do we become a ghost in the moment? The back of the mountain is there only because we have declared another the front.
Love, Tom B.
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alot going on here..
I really do enjoy the middle verse...
"a Mediterranean mandolin
playing on coastal blue,
sitting in the shade upon
a hotel verandah, biting into
Bosc Pears, licking
the juice from your chin.
We laugh at the righteous
rhetoric of young men at a near table."
The images there are vivid and powerful...palpable.
I enjoy the reference to the seasons..
But I am confused by the title and some of the other words. Perhaps I am just too out of touch with free-verse.
I'll give some of your other stuff a read...
All the best, Mat -
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I have thought about this for awhile and I don't know what to say. It is only a walk in the winter with a dream of a warmer time. Our memories: our ghosts. Prose is about life and the story we make out of it. It is always an explanation of something. Poetry is a revelation. Feelings, relationships, sensation becomes both what it is and a metaphor for the wordless wonders we find so important. Perhaps this helps or I am helpless.
Peace & Light, Tom B.
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Oh beautiful. I love your references to the seasons, really made this piece work. I feel it was the backdrop of the poem that gave this life! Well done.
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Thanks, the currents of the season spark our feelings as much sometimes as the person we are with. I always appreciate you taking the time to share how my simple words touched you.
Love, Tom B.
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i love the vision of reeds and wrinkled crepe. a beautiful piece and i love the title as well... but unsure as to what is has to do with the poem. unless the ghosts on the mountains back are to do with snow covered tips. beautifully penned,
hugs,
georgie,
xxx -
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Memories, often haunt us. The vision painted is from a walk taken so long ago on the side of a mountain before the snow. Glad you shared how it touched you, Thank you.
Love, Tom B.
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What beauty you find to talk about
The beauty of being with the one you love...mac
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i would rather celebrate what I find worthy than moan about what is not available.
Thank you for sharing your joy with me.
Peace & Light, Tom B.
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Another great one.......................
you have penned here my friend!!! Your imagery was as always s vivd and brilliant!!! What it must feel like to have a love like this in your life. I would love to have that to feel that way again. It just makes the seasons of life more colorful and enjoyable. Thanks for sharing!!!~~Toni~~
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I understand the sensation you describe. It is unfortunate that we can't live in the highs, but our mind steals our moments from us and keeps us to often in the memories and not enough in the experience of the experience. Glad to hear you were touched by this.
Love, Tom B.
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I am extremely impressed with this. Such wondeful symbolism and imagery. I think that you shouild submit this for publication.
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Thanks Dana. I read these poems at open mics, where I have been the featured reader on occasion. I know I should work at getting published, but so much of my needs are met in preformance that I have trouble getting around to it. I live for the faces that look back at me and slip into the flow of words and I can see them become wrapped in feelings and so entangled in lines that they mouth them as I read them and repeat them to me after the show is over. But, I will admit, it would be a good thing to do. Love, Tom B.
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I admire the skill it must take to create something this succinct from a limited choice of words. I don't mind the restrictiveness of rhyme but for now word banks are off limits to me. You on the other hand have created an astounding vision of winters grasp. Adding the contrast of the Mediterranean, made you feel the icy cold even more as they long for warmer days. Great work!
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I liked the effect of contrasts in this as well. Thanks for sharing your joy in this piece. Love, Tom B.
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For someone who doesn't like
to use wordbanks...you sure know
how to make them whirl and twirl
for you Magical, as always,
dear Poet...Love, Lane
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Words banks too often feel like a constraint rather than an inspiration. Only the second one I have done in two years on AP. I was going to try to use them all, but, truthfully, the poem became far more important. I like the images something magical occured between mandolin and pears.
It is you contest so I will just blame my good fortune on you.
Love, Tom B.
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Loved It!
Winter is surely coming, and alone with it all these beautiful memories. I love each metaphor, just had a juicy barlett paer...So that was my favroite verse.
This one had me wondering about the snow coming also....smile...novy
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Our memories tie us together. Often we use them to make the present more bearable. i used many contrasts to heighten the present and how much the couple was trying to escape it.
Love, Tom B.
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Ghostback mountain....is that about two gay ghosts rustling up lost souls in the frigid abyss?????....nevermind
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You may hate word lists but you have woven them beautifully and seamlessly into this. Love, C
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Thanks Cheryl. I started with a title but got caught between a couple and then thought i would try to the list. Surprised myself.
Love Tom B.
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i liek this. the memories of a beached vacation while the snow flies and keeps us cold. *chuckles* oh yes, they do keep us warm as the cold starts to creep in.
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I like to play with contrasts, irony, if it is not obvious and the way we use our memories to keep away the present. This one got to all three. Glad you liked it.
Love, Tom B. -
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i could tell, Your last few pieces are in the like. memories are all we have for places and people. and the good times. to know that we can look back on those trimes that we charish and know that they are locked in our minds. is just a very subtle way of being ourselves and unique.
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