If the sun could,
it surely would,
shine upon the sea.
The clouds they say,
ahh! but nay,
your rays are ours to see.
The sun he casts,
like furnace blasts,
his arms down to the earth.
The clouds obscure,
with mist demure,
the breadth and the girth.
With twilight gleaming,
the evening beaming,
trying to find a way.
To touch the shore,
the clouds abhor,
the mist will win today.
A contest entry
- Inspirational Quickie/ 8 Poets - 30 minutes by Think2wice.
525 points, ended November 11, 2007, 4 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - PRE-WRITES WITHOUT TROPHIES ONLY by lindaburns.
1300 points, ended December 13, 2007, 31 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - A Moment in Time (contest by sinnastarr) by Sinnastarr.
590 points, ended December 31, 2007, 39 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Next by C J Weatherholt.
525 points, ended January 14, 2008, 38 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
An honest citique is well accepted
Comments
1 - 10 of 10
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Hey! I was an honorable winner in this contest also. I agree with the judge. Thsi it AT LEAST worth Honorable Mention.
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I enjoyed this piece very much. You captured a great moment here. Also, very elegantly written. The words did indeed roll off the page as per the contest rules.
Well done poet.
Good job on winning an honourable trophy for this poem.
I really enjoyed the lines,
"With twilight gleaming,
the evening beaming,
trying to find a way.
To touch the shore,
the clouds abhor,
the mist will win today"
Again, well done.
Thank you so much for entering my contest and I wish you the best of luck.
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This was great in imagery. You took me there......the sun, the sky, the clouds brilliant in great form.
Thanks for sharing this write.
Good Luck in this contest.
Peace/Mia Linda
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Comment by Judge
I tried to pick a favorite line but they are all pretty good. You use the meter I employ myself sometimes. Maybe that’s why I like it. Well done.
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Nice write!
I truly like this and impressed it is a quickie! wonders in the 30 mins or less are not easy to write I applaud you on this fantasticly done! Love this stanza!
The clouds they say,
ahh! but nay,
your rays are ours to see.
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Good luck in the contest. This is very inspirationial.
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With twilight gleaming,
the evening beaming,
trying to find a way.
So love these words
Lovely write and wish you the best
Julie
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That was awesome. I always love a poem with a story behind it, and it was such pleasant read! Best of luck to you in my contest.
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awesome rhyme and flow. Fit perfect with the prompt given
Great job and the best of luck to you in the contest!
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nice! Loved it! Great job on this it was an engaging read! Great take on the prompt! I wish you the best of luck in the contest!!
-Steve-
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