No bleeding optimism can arrive
through crimson webs on broken glass,
depression screams no more from silent eyes
my fragile heart has wept it's last
over a fractured dream,
a fractured life,
a fractured hope that chases every night
into each day where handprints of
million disappointments sting the soul
and sunlight bruises peacefulness
and Love hides deep in Doubt's dark folds.
Sometimes a haunting laughter trickles through
still staining shadows, staining light
but pain falls dead where numbness smiles
while promise gasps and mem'ries fight
for bits of reason, coaxing words,
for shards of life I once held dear
for roaring fires I haven't heard
since hopelessness crawled in my ears.
A contest entry
- word bank and pic. inspired by serenity silvermoon.
600 points, ended December 7, 2007, 16 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
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Oh how this one grabs the readers heart. Beautiful imagery and good writing on a subject not always easy to write about
Ruth
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Exceptional
This is powerful and poignant in the deepest sense of my mind. I love your meter and assume you've written in many forms (considering that i just read your piece on the villanelle), and suspect that you have written a few sonnets. I'll have to investigate further.
Regarding this though, i love the imagery, you have a talent for it and show it immediately in the first four lines, particularly "...crimson webs on broken glass," and into "my fragile heart has wept its last" (just fix that typo in it's).
I like how you capitalize "Doubt" too. It is the way many great poets would've approached this. I suggest doing the same for Heart, Life, and Hope, but that's just my preference.
Your last four lines are also genuinely strong and give that much more resonance to the beginning. I also see and feel an inspiration of Emily Dickinson, and wonder about this. Do you like her work? Thanks for this and i shall read more. Best Wishes.
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Thank you so much for the in depth comment
s
You're right, I have written a lot of form poetry, my favorite form of all is the Kyrielle. However, changes in the pace of my life don't often allow me the amount of time needed for me to write form poetry very often anymore.
I like to personify things, not just by giving them human attributes but giving them the importance of a proper name. I don't know if I would capitalize "heart" or "life" here, but hope certainly fits into the scheme of significant feeling in this write.
Yes, I love the writings of Emily Dickinson
Of all the old poets I've come across, her manipulations of sound and meter appeal to me the most. Her work is my idea of mastery of putting profound, powerful thought into rhyme and rhythm.
Again, thanks for the wonderful comment and suggestions.
s and best wishes always... ~Genie~
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