I feel the wind touching my skin
as it arouses my emotion.
Here again seems blind to be
for I couldn't see any affliction.
I'm glad I'm here with you
how I wish this would always be true.
Here we stand like no other
I'm awake feeling you.
Sweet and calm flow of the river
creating echoed of love in my soul.
Here me now with still direction
because you create such destination.
Still, calm, peace as we let it in.
Love that grows abundant;
Freely moving as we wade deep
creating no space between.
You become my life, and I became yours.
We share the moment of ours devote.
This love will never end but still it grows
a bountiful start that will always glow.
Here arising, here we fall
Love in an endless splendor.
An elegance of love divine
to stand in river, to flow no more.
To reach my hand, to fell your warmth
That love we cherish
'Till I breath, 'till I stand
Love rich with heart as river flows and agonize.
Author notes
#11
I just want to inspired everyone to let the love enter ourlives. There's no harm for someone who Truly lOVE..
A contest entry
- OPTIONS (16+) - PW's are fine by Page Deleted..
600 points, ended November 17, 2007, 37 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - cookies and cream ice cream (for you) by u took my user name.
650 points, ended November 22, 2007, 18 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - LOVE IS A RIVER DEEP AND WIDE by Swan song.
1100 points, ended November 24, 2007, 11 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
1 - 6 of 6
-
i love how you can relate love and the river togeather it is fantastic
-
This is a very beautiful background and from what I could read of the poem it was good to
-
nothing against pretty backgrounds..... but i cant read. lol. i have to highlight it in order to read it... which kinda sucks
aside from that:
ok, the first two lines, great start. got my attention, despite the colors
the second two lines... i'm like... WTF... a little lost. what's the reason you use the word "affliction?" So.... the wind arouses emotion.... just one emotion?? And who/what seems to be blind? so when you're blind there's no suffering? i was thinking more on the lines of being numb. but hey, i don't know your take on the poetry, so i'm just blahbbing
Also, in the second stanza i'm not liking the "you" "true" "you" endings/attempt to rhyme.
I am not aware of you age or experience in writing, but hey... this is criticism, no? lol
Ok, punctuation in poetry is important. You might not think so, but it is. Writers like e.e. cummings chose to write everything (even his own name) in lowercase... don't ask me why... but i know he had a reason.
Or some writers have a pattern in their capitalization. There is ALWAYS a reason why one choses to have a capital letter in the middle of a sentence, or a particular word....
so here's the problem.... i don't see a pattern in yours. In the first two stanzas you start all lines with a capital. In the third, the first two are lowercase.... even though "sweet" follows a period. Third line is with a capital, even though the previous line does not end with a period.
"direction" and "destionation" .. seems like those two were used to the sake of a rhyme... which kinda messes up the rhyme. Also... when you give me the image of the flowing river... and then you tell me that she controls you destination in the same stanza with punctuation... you might wanna show a connection between the direction that she determines for you (which you don't really mention how or why ...or what) and the flow of the river, controled by mother nature maybe, which has ultimate strength over its subjects on earth (rain, storm, sun, river, oceans..all that) as she/he might have total control of the way things flow in the speaker.
also, third stanza doens't logically make much sense.... "soul/here me now with still..." I'm like... WHAT?????
"You become my life, and I became your's" i think it should be "yours" not "your's" as i believe you mean that the speaker becomes that person's life
"devote" is a verb, thus it doens't make much sense. You might want to not try so hard to rhyme.... b/c it is limiting you on the word choice, or leading you to their missuse
"This love will never end but still it grows" you should not use the word "but" there. it doens't fit, in my opinion.
last stanza:
it's "feel," not "fell"
You should read your work over if you know you don't always get the punctuation or right word the first time
You have lots of great ideas here, but you should put more effort into it. It's poetry, make it worth your time, my time, and other people's time
-
Beautiful thoughts, and you are correct there is no harm in showing and giving love. Love, C
-
Great write here Ruthy. good luck in the contest.
Adding your comment:
1 - 6 of 6
