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The breeze plays with a mischievous ease,
outside my window in the sleeping trees.
They softly whisper from the gentle blow,
singing a peaceful melody I fondly know.
Raindrops tap gently on the window pane,
as I listen rapt in the dance of falling rain.
A brooding moon casts a pallid pastel glow,
to make the tree’s shadows in rhythm flow.
Some stars peep shyly from patches black,
and I savour the scene from my warm sack.
I reach for my lover and angel of the night,
bathed in the soft moonbeam’s dappled light.
Then I take her in my eager welcoming arms,
as I admire her delicately soft supple charms.
I drink deep the nectar sweet within my chest,
while I marvel at She with whom I am blessed.
And in the warm and sweet hues of love I find,
great Happiness beyond the limits of my mind.
For those tender balmy nights in a far off land,
is where I have found my darling Lover’s hand.
.
Author notes
The mystique continues.
Bazza
A contest entry
- Need New Favourites by xxRainbowDawnxx.
300 points, ended April 10, 2008, 16 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - GOOD poetry by Perception.
700 points, ended April 12, 2008, 12 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 36 of 36
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Dqd for failing to comply with all of the rules. (author notes.
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Outstanding
I thought this was full of romance with a strong use of imagery and gentle flow. I liked the opening of the poem very much and how you developed the theme of love in a subtle way. The rhyme is fluent and I thought this was well-written and articulate. Thank you for posting.
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Very beautiful... Very beautiful... The rhyming did not help with the flow, as i wish it did...
I loved your imagery and your descriptions... they were wonderfully crafted.
Thanks for entering...
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I speak Ozzie
Thank you for your comments and as far as the rhyming goes you should take into account that not everyone in the world speaks with the same accent and actually you are the only person out of all the comments who had a problem with it, so I put it down to accent.
Something to consider on this worldwide site that many things are interpreted and pronounced differently in every country.
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I have to agree with Perception
Hi, Bazza:
I don't think, in this case, that what Perception is experiencing can be entirely chalked up to the Oz accent. There are several places in your poem where you mix around the grammar to get the rhyme in the right place. For example: "to make the tree’s shadows in rhythm flow" rather than "to make the tree's shadows flow in rhythm." By twisting the grammar in that way, you call attention to the rhyme, which can be distracting. That's grammar, and it's universal, regardless of how gorgeous your accent (I was a tour guide in Southern California when I was in college, and regularly took whole busloads of Aussies to Tijuana for shopping excursions — I'll never forget the first time the whole bus sang "He's a Dag" in my honor.)
Your poem does have lovely imagery. While it doesn't have a set meter, it flows nicely with a rhythm that suits the piece very well. This is a very successful poem, and I'm glad that you posted it here.
~Epistomolus
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Hmmm I like the kind of mystery sense of this. Great imagery used here too and the rhyme is nice, kind of singsongy.
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Brilliant
There is so much right with this poem- where does a girl begin? How about your vocabulary- wonderful word choices, your intellect positively shines. The flow- flawless, the form-well done and the content...so beautiful. I could hear the rain and smell the sweet, thick air of the tropics...fantastic imagery. You made my heart skip a beat with this one, and that, my friend, is a rare and wonderful thing.
Cheers!
Tilly
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Excellent
Barry, you sure can clearly paint a lovely picture with words!
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wow! full of love and, as you said, mystique. I really like that you're telling a tale in this poem, and it is hanging right by the line of either being like reality, or being a dream. Very special! Good job!
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THIS IS REALLY LOVELY!
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This is truely a beautiful piece of fine writing.Alot of thought went into this one.I think that you chose your words well and they seemed to just flow all the way through it withe ease.Truely remarkable.I loved reading this.
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I like this…especially its beautiful rhymes, natural flow, and fantastic images…thank you for sharing a very lovely poem…
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Wow this is so beautiful! I loved every word of it! You paint such a wonderful picture here with in this peice! It has a very nice flow to it and i loved the style you chose here, for it fit this peic excelently. The reader could really feel the emotion flowing from the page as they read and you could feel as only I can imaging you felt at this moment. Great write and thank you so much for your entery. Good luck int the contest and keep up the excelent work!
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Sounds idyllic Bazza and it reads as such too! Perfect in every sense - loved reading this, a pleasure!
galfalfa
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This is a very beautiful song. I loved it a whole lot. The picture it painted, the love & devotion it showed. Truly remarkable and outstanding. Remember this my friend through each obstacle that you may face love has yet just one demand and that is to be felt. Continue with your wonderful words of rhyme and flow. Good luck to you and your lyric you've entered into my contest. Keep up the excellent work.
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Thanks mate.
Thanks mate for such a nice review and I am glad we have similar thoughts and feelings. I cherish such comments as they are worth more than the trophies for they are real words from another person who has been able to share the wonder I am experiencing. Thanks again.
Thanks for adding me to your Favourites and I hope I can mantain the type of work you like. I am honoured.
Barry
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BEAUTIFUL!
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Woo!
I think you must be a very romantic kinda guy! A beautiful poem, but kinda hard to read on the black background and blue font. I would change it to a white font so it won't be missed! Blessings!
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wow i love this poem i really like it i love reading your poems. please write more(i used my last two on you)good job!!
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enchanting
wonderful read
i like the mixture of love, nature, dreams, etc -
this is not a rewards poem. fix in 24 hours. questions? message me!
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very romantic and emotional write. Good luck in the contest.
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sweet hues of love...
Great stuff! A lovely tribute to love! The rhyme is great and it all flows together so very well. Good luck in the contest!
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Golden
this poem is beautiful. this poem is golden. the flow is absolutely perfect and the message is perfectly portrayed bc the words are perfectly selected. it's brilliant. it captured me from beginning to end. i love the mystic feeling. fantastic work!
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Pictures of love of peace and admiration
Each and every word speaks
Hopes come in a write like this of a future we all seek to find
Julie -
This is a great poem. Hope you win all of the contest you entered.
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very beautiful to read lots of emotion and i felt it all , thanks for sharing this with me and i can tell that it came straight from your heart
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This is a very beautiful poem. Thanks for posting in my contest and I wish you all the best at judging. Cathy
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I am feeling quite light headed after reading your gentle soothing words. Sounds like such a wonderful place to be. So well written and flows great.
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I am in love with this poem . It made me feel warm and secure . I didnt find a fault in it .... It is such an amazing write with such uplifting feelings about it . I wish you amazing luck and love . Hope you carry on writing . Well done
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this is a very beautiful write, expressing the tenderness of love and the incredibly satisfying feeling one gets from having found it. A very enjoyable read.
Rory -
This is absolutely beautiful, very easy to love, with a soft heart beating ready to felt a sleep, this poem feels so soft, it feels like a dream when reading it, this is absolutely one for the age, this poem will be around for years to come, your soul is all over this page my friend, great piece.
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You have a such general ease with words and rhythm but (sorry, there is a but), I find the later verses ring so much truer than the earlier - it seems that when you come to the reality of love that you really get a grip with form, balance and sound. Good on yer!
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Well Hi Barry, Good Day my dear friend. This was so stunning and I can feel how happy you are.
I hope all is well with you and you are enjoying your new found happiness. I will pray the happiness will be forever. You always write such beautiful and loving words. Take in and enjoy the beauty of love as much as you can. You deserve it. Blessings to you. Always, Sandy
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AWWWWWW!!!!! What a softly romantic write.Love is definately in the air today.Beautiful words and emotion, Ros
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Beautiful!
These words have immense power on me, and I guess the same will be true of all those who believe in love. It comes at the most unexpected times , in the most unexpected places. But once you are owned by it, you start to live in a paradise built by you and the significant other. My favourite lines:
"And in the warm and sweet hues of love I find,
great Happiness beyond the limits of my mind"
Let the love you have found in far off lands last as long as you are in you in your elements. Congrats and best regards!
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