The sun’s radiant glow
Shines through these clouds
Clouds which host a wide selection of shades
The luminescence is filtered
Shown to us now, not for what it is
The glow we seek
Now warped by these clouds
For the better part of distortion we wonder
Is true intention a bothersome thing to consider?
Or shall we dance in the glimmering
Of an artificial kaleidoscope
A contest entry
- immeasurable. by girl shaman.
1150 points, ended February 24, 2008, 33 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Lure Me In by redmarkonthewall.
525 points, ended March 16, 2008, 13 entries
Bronze trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 25 of 25
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Any opportunity to dance should be taken with reckless abandon. A very thoughtful piece.
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I am having a hard time interpreting this one. What is this artifical kaleidoscope you speak of? And what would a natural kaleidoscope be? You speak of the sun and clouds and luminescence and glow.. A natural kaleidoscope to me staying with this poem might be a rainbow. However an artifical kaleidoscope... perhaps something to do with what humanity has done or is doing to our atmosphere... perhaps destroying the ozone and/or air pollution. Very thought provoking. I hope to find out if I am right and if I am wrong then what it is that you speak of. Either way I thank you for this amazing piece. The best of luck to you in my contest. You did good in luring me in.
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thank you very much for the thoughtful comment
i really appreciate it
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you're more than welcome
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wow
great imagery! nice flow, a interesting piece.
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Well worded & versed--Godd luck in the contest!
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thank you
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this is a good piece it gives you an image in your head of what you are talking about best of luck in the contest
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this was nice!
thank you for entering..
i really dont have too many suggetions other then ..hm well no not really i dont have any lol
it was really sweet the images you came up with; something i wouldnt be able to write! thanx again!
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I say we dance. This is soft, colorful, throught-provoking. Very creative.
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thanks
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I love the idea to use for a metaphor the artificial kaleidoscope, that is a really great idea! Well done
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nice write, it seems to add a small physics aspect making it almost real... I really do like this although not conventional it flows well and has a very upbeat yet sad tone. truly good work,
Stephanie
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Interesting...you've adopted a very restrained tone for a very brilliant and "splashy" subject (the question that appears in line 9 seems out of place )...intriguing.... bravo....
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Whatever...
...the metaphorical applications might entail, I like this just from the standpoint of "artificial kaleidoscope", after all, what is a natural kaleidoscope? So it does get you thinking what, if anything, you had in mind when you wrote it. Kind of an abstract, backward-think reverse-engineer type piece that is hard to puzzle together even though it is stated in pretty simplistic terms.
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i like this one a lot.
it made me think.
along with that, its beautiful.
great job. -
We follow a gossamer thread of thought here. I do so like it when people pick unusual topics for their poems. I thought the title could have been somewhat more linked into the poem, though. It seems insufficient to use a title and then only refer to it in the very last line of the poem. Also, you are talking of sun, rain, clouds, light...how is any of that "artificial"?
Pointers aside, the vocabulary used here is varied and the theme original.
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provoking thought, well expressed. I wonder if you speak of pollution in /the wide selection of shades/ that filter the light, and if so, is this man-made, or metaphorical? /Is true intention a bothersome thing to consider/? No, it is the only real thing to put before our minds.
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you pretty much nailed it
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good
This is well written and pleasurable poem to read. The story line flows smoothly and sets the pace for this poem. The theme is maintained throughout the poem and the imagery is great appealing to all the senses with equal potency.
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Nice
Really nice flow and beauty my faveorite part was:
The glow we seek
Now warped by these clouds
For the better part of distortion we wonder
Is true intention a bothersome thing to consider?
So much grace and beauty in those lines great job and best of luck in your writing future.
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interesting
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This is a very lovely piece. It really works well and flows beautifully. Only line 5 is less than excellent. I would consider a reword...but thats just me. Very beautiful piece.
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I was drawn to this piece by the title. I will remember it for it's clarity. It's a beautiful metaphor. Thanks for writing something beautiful.
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Pretty good
Overall, I like this feel of this. It's whimsy and warm and very inviting. If you want to consider changing something, I have two suggestions. One: don't capitalize every line; it's just bad form. And two: The last two lines are kind of confusing. Maybe they should be a statement rather than a question. Seein how you have a question right before it, I think a declarative sentence would make a nice transition.
Again, I truly liked this. It's short, quaint and to the point. Nice read.
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