five stories up.
street people cling
to one another-
terrified- even at the thought
dangling legs- laughter
deep inside the throat
arching freedom- and
the sky has comfort arms
this unknown -
and the matter-less expanse
between it's haven and the earth-
prompts fear
"The girl is in danger"
but from this hight-
they are little and not
intimidating as before.
harsh words evaporate- and
there can be no startling
attack.
rough cool stone
beneath hands slowly
unbending in relaxation.
thought swirls in irony-
this is a strange retreat
an improvisation of a sanctuary.
Please tell me what you think
Comments
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GREAT****
I love the background, it compliments the poem very well. I think it gave me a very stone cold first impression of this work. It seemed cold and distant.
If I had to revise and change things it would be the fourth stanza. It seemed awkward and different. It just stuck of like a sore thumb. The title fits this poem well. It took me awhile but I got it.
My favorite stanza was the closer:
"rough cool stone
beneath hands slowly
unbending in relaxation.
thought swirls in irony-
this is a strange retreat
an improvisation of a sanctuary."
Very well written. Good Job. Great work.
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