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If only;


I'd
doted
[on your eyes]
.



Instead;


I’d
crossed
[your every tee]

for lies
,


needlessly
.






Author notes

14 words.

A contest entry

Be honest, I promise it won't hurt;

    : , Your review:

    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
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Comments

1 - 7 of 7

  • januaryrain gold member
    July 28, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    Excellent poem, I really like it.

  • W a s p
    November 20, 2007
    Edit | Reply

    mmmmmm!

    I think you are a true poet, this type of poetry can be done by so few...ian.


  • sheltered
    November 13, 2007
    Edit | Reply

    Excellent

    Love the word play


  • Perfiction
    November 12, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    I like this, a lot. Such simplicity can be said in 14 words and I think you showed this perfectly. The words go beyond what is said and they are written in a beautiful manner.

  • PurpleAnarch
    November 12, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    Hmmm. I like the way this knifes out of my mouth. It's a really fun one to speak, but... I can't grasp it. Poignant


    • sca
      November 12, 2007
      Edit | Reply
      We had to read a book called Digging to America for school. At one point the main character reflects her husband wasn't so hard a person, as she was easily inflicted.
      She wishes instead of being cross and critical with everything he did, that she could have just relaxed and gone with the flow... been positive/open, doted on him - because he was actually a good guy.

      Etc.

      • PurpleAnarch
        November 12, 2007
        Edit | Reply
        Huh... Thank you for the explanation... I recall hearing about that book. May you travel.
1 - 7 of 7