I'll take my heart back,
now that you've hurt it beyond all hurt.
I thought it would be safe with you,
but I was so terribly wrong.
You tore my heart apart and left me to bleed,
until I could never love again.
Can I trust anyone ever again?
Will I ever feel true happiness again?
For your sake, I will.
I don't want you to have to feel
good about your actions,
or someone else will bear the consequences again.
And I would never wish that upon anyone,
so I'll take my heart back again.
Author notes
First quote.
A contest entry
- Ohhh BETRAYAL!! QUICKIE CONTEST by Amarige.
450 points, ended November 10, 2007, 9 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - WINNER TAKE ALL!!!! ONE THOUSAND POINTS (well sort of) by DrunkenRam.
1019 points, ended November 16, 2007, 41 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What did you think of this poem? What can I do better?
Comments
-
The first part seemed pretty familiar, but then you really made this concept your own in the last part of the piece. You maintained a constant tone and feeling which really makes this work. 'Taking your heart back' can be a difficult thing, and you left no doubt how painful it really is.
-
betrayed...short..simple..a cliche theme..and a common topic..but u did a nice job w/ it..the title fit well w/ the poem..and i like the repetition
-
i like this
-
Wonderfully Written!
There are many years ahead of you for you to recover from this. I have been there and done that and thought and felt the same things, that it would hurt forever, that I would never be able to trust or love ever again. And I had many reasons to feel and think that way at one point. This was very well written, very emotional, very heartfelt. Just remember something - It's not the end of the world and you can survive anything you put your mind to!
I really hope things start to look up for you! Keep the muse alive! -
two thumbs up!
wow. i really like this poem. i know how you feel, all the way... i am going through that same thing right now. and i want to take my heart back, but it isnt happening quite yet, lol.
You tore my heart apart and left me to bleed,
until I could never love again.
this part is very good. i liked this the most, because the same thought kept running through my head, only, it was to take a break from love instead of never loving again. and it sucks when this happens. so i am dearly sorry. good job! really good job!
-
Haven't we all been there? LOL I'm actually going through something similar now. Thanks for sharing that!
-
OH wow!
The feelings i felt when i read this!
I have been down that road before!
And let me tell you boy did i want my heart back once it had been shattered to pieces..
I so enjoyed this poem.
The titled and everything was so right for it..
Good job!
-
i like it, but it seems cliched and overplayed. you-hurt-me-and-youll-do-it-again thing. mine are a lil corny too, but this theme seems especially popular
-
Wow this is very well written. It shows a lot of strong emotions. Great job, and keep writing! Its really good! =)
-
this poem is great.. im guessing u have been through heart break befor.. i am now.. maybe u could help me write a poem or maybe some advise
-
Ouch
This is a very strong, well written poem written on the simple pain of heart break, and taking our hearts back again. Very well written, and what struck me was that it was such a strong poem. Well done.
God Bless, Larkbird -
Nice job!
Keep up the good work! -
The ending was really great, & I enjoyed reading every line. You have amazing talent, keep writing.
-
heartbreak can seem so painful at times, i do realy like it, there was a sence of emotion in this peice I couldn't quite describe, it's good to take your heart back then let him keep it and never move on
-
I think you're off to a start. This looks like something you write during the creation of a poem. You know, first a prose piece, then a list of words that fit for sound and function, incorporation of poetic devices (form, meter, etc. etc.), a rough draft, refinement, refinement, refinement. . .
After all the raw emotion is there on the page, it's ok to take a breath and separate your poetic voice from your bruised ego, it can add so much to a poem if you do this.
As an example, here is an excerpt of something I wrote that has a piece of what you just said in it:
"I sacrifice, for self control,
The heart I gave to you.
Like a starfish with a severd limb,
My love will be renewed."
I believe it is similar to what you said in these lines:
"Can I trust anyone ever again?
Will I ever feel true happiness again?
For your sake, I will.
I don't want you to have to feel
good about your actions,"
I hope I've been helpful to you. -
jaded teardrop
I love this poem because I can relate to it so easily. My boyfriend has broken up with me four times in the last year, so I loved this peom. It hits you right in the heart when you realize that you're alone again and you're waiting for the relief of sadness to leave you.
I loved how you ended with the line
so I'll take my heart back again.
so many people can relate o that. You really did a good job on this poem. keep writing, you're amazing..
-
I love this poem. It explains so well what I've been feeling lately after my latest asshole boyfriend..
I don't think I'll ever let anyone in again.
-
http://allpoetry.com/poem/3515488
http://allpoetry.com/poem/3894751
These two are written by me
I have the same feelings as you have
I really feel so sad to read this
your poem is a good description of the whole matter
Take care
-
giving one's heart to the wrong person is the most wrenching realization in life. hopefully one comes to know this before the damage becomes unmendable. thank you for sharing this with me today. i am looking forward to reading more from you in the near future. viyanna rosemarie
-
Wow this is susch a good poem, Everybodys had a broken heart before and they are no fun because no matter how hard you try you never stop loving someone you just start loving someone else
-
good.
I'll take my heart back,
now that you've hurt it beyond all hurt.
I thought it would be safe with you,
but I was so terribly wrong.
You tore my heart apart and left me to bleed,
until I could never love again.
Can I trust anyone ever again?
Will I ever feel true happiness again?
For your sake, I will.
I don't want you to have to feel
good about your actions,
or someone else will bear the consequences again.
And I would never wish that upon anyone,
so I'll take my heart back again.
I DID ENJOY THIS POEM VERY MUCH. I would critique you, but i am not a good critique.. i dont even write poetry the best.. so i dont think it would b right to tell you the "bad" parts, bc honestly, i did not really find any.. i think you did it very well...and you are doing something you love in writing. and you can tell you had a bad breakup.. and you can feel the passion and emotion deep within this very piece of lieterature. i did enjoy it.. and keep writing.. the world needs you ! lOl. -
I'll take my heart back,
now that you've hurt it beyond all hurt.
I thought it would be safe with you,
but I was so terribly wrong.
You tore my heart apart and left me to bleed,
until I could never love again.
Can I trust anyone ever again?
Will I ever feel true happiness again?
For your sake, I will.
I don't want you to have to feel
good about your actions,
or someone else will bear the consequences again.
And I would never wish that upon anyone,
so I'll take my heart back again.
nobody can take heart back.. -
=) aww
You're only 12 and this poem is amazing. =] hey i started writing when i was in the 6th grade. Keep it up. I love this, it's simple and meaningful. *claps* I really like this. Being polite to someone that hurt you so harshly... someother person would be cursing out in the poem lol xD
You tore my heart apart and left me to bleed,
until I could never love again
My fav Part... There is this song called confusion by a spanish group called LU:
You came with a hope, my waiting had an ending, you would talk as I loved you and you would make fun of it or made yourself believe that you needed me. Your phrases I will never forget, you made me think there was something more. My wings you have taken away, I can't fly, you have hurt me in vain. I don't want you to tell me anything, I don't want you to ever talk to me again, you're a suicidal weapon of the woul that destroys my faith of loving (what you wrote kinda goes with this: until I could never love again) A hurracaine that kills me slowly, it makes me bleed away ( You tore my heart apart and left me to bleed) So harsh that is ends my patience before you, my will of living, and i give up, this is the end, don't look for me because i hate you and i only find that from you i was just a confusion, and that i am your big error, the lost of a lost love (a rebound) A confusion, that you acted without thinking that I would fall in love with you and that maybe you could ruin my life, you. Give me back those days that you lied to me, i believed you, for I would never be capable to lie with the heart and then run away without any explanation.
-
I'll take my heart back,
now that you've hurt it beyond all hurt.
I thought it would be safe with you,
but I was so terribly wrong.
You tore my heart apart and left me to bleed,
until I could never love again.
Can I trust anyone ever again?
Will I ever feel true happiness again?
For your sake, I will.
I don't want you to have to feel
good about your actions,
or someone else will bear the consequences again.
And I would never wish that upon anyone,
so I'll take my heart back again.
I read 4 times..what should i say..great..
-
I thought this was a good piece, but in the line "I don't want you to have to feel good about your actions"...shouldn't that be "bad" about your actions?
I found myself thrown by this, contemplated it, and changed it in my mind as I read. -
I liked the contrast between the depth of emotion you went after with this piece and the very casual nature of the title and your use of that phrase throughout. I feel like the poem had a lot genuine feeling in it, but it was sort of hard to reach.
-
I felt the passion of this and the conviction
very well done, brilliant!!
and well done you!!
s and 
dear friend and poet Lib x x
-
Great
Great write I loved it I felt every word that you wrote..
-
This is a pretty good poem, I liked it a lot. Personally, i thought it was a strong ending, leading back to what the title created. Good work!
-
Hey,
I adore the fact that you don't want to hurt other people with your own hurt, so you take action and take your heart back. Very creative. Well done
Sammie xox -
i still love it, it kinda looked familar, keep up the great writing, -Amy
-
nice poem, very straight forward. It reminded me very much on the traditions of our baptist marriage- we take a vase and break it in front of the bride and the groom- to show them that its a point of no return, love is not something u can fix back, just like that vase.
-
yea there is only one thing i can say you are good but work on your endings
-
I really enjoyed this. I especially liked the lines
You tore my heart apart and left me to bleed,
until I could never love again.
Can I trust anyone ever again?
because I felt I could relate to them so well. Excellent write.
XXCrimsonRaineXX
-
Ouch. We are in the same boat on this topic friend.
The pain and tinge of regret mixed well, to leave me feeling what you feel even after I was done reading. -
i love this poem. i can really relate to it... sometimes its just what everyone has to go through though, someone taking your heart, and you wanting it back... you just cant always get it back as soon as you want it though. i learned that the hard way. good job. i really did like it. keep up the good work!
-
This is great. its like a perfect explanation of every break up, u kno? like just that feeling of ur heart being torn apart is so true. and being afraid to trust anyone again. believe me, i've cried over that so many times!!
but buck up, girl, ull find someone else again and it'll be way better than last time. protect ur heart and don't feel happy for him but for u.
now, i'd maybe make the poem a little less self-chastising, like i think u hsould talk about being happy for ur sake not his. take responsibility! i'd identify better
if u dont want to do that then maybe u should thnk about the words u repeat like again and hurt
good job, god bless -
someone else will bear the consequences--isn't that how it usually is. I think this comes across as honest and emotional.
-
A nice write full of emotions! You have expressed yourself very well here. This is something that most of us can relate to unfortunately. Great job! Patty
-
i have allready commented on this poem i wondered why the title seemed so familiar, seems i have used your points to click on it, i read it again anyways, and i still love it, and keep up the great writing, -Amy
-
Amazing!!
You did a really good thing here. It is something that your reader can relate to and it is something that we have all been through. The great thing is that you took a great spin on it and made it like no matter what the person did you can still move on even if it seems like you cant... Really good job!!
-
This poem does a good job of capturing the emotions of being betrayed by a loved one very well. I especially liked, "For your sake, I will./I don't want you to have to feel/good about your actions,". I like the feeling of taking back your strength that is in this poem.
-
this was a very well written poem! the flow was very smooth and it was easy to follow! you expressed your emotions amazingly and i think many people will be able to relate to this write! great job keep penning
~NeeCee
-
I love this simply because I completely relate,
I was recently in this same situation
really truly touching.
nicely written.
-
i love this poem
AWW.... this poem is so sweet in a sad way... i know the feeling with my bf.. well ex bf i thought i could trust him. but i guess not.... u seem really cool... -
I like this alot. It's really good. I liked that you put "i'll take my heart back" at both the beginning and the end. It reiterated the point of wanting it back after having it broken. Keep up the good work.
Anaiya Illyria -
great great great!!
i truly loved this poem. i hope to hear more from the author. keep up the good work! -
wow..this is really good...keep writing...can't wait to see new peices from you!
-
Will I ever feel true happiness again?
For your sake, I will.
I don't want you to have to feel
good about your actions,
or someone else will bear the consequences again.
And I would never wish that upon anyone,
so I'll take my heart back again.
Thank you for sharing this, and i hope all is well for you...KEEP WRITING
and keep reading
-
I believe everyone can relate to this poem, it has a universal theme. Very nicely written, I love how you integrated questions and their answers in the poem.
"Can I trust anyone ever again?
Will I ever feel true happiness again?
For your sake, I will.
I don't want you to have to feel
good about your actions,
or someone else will bear the consequences again."
These lines had most of an impact on me, I like them a lot. -
I wish it was possible to take back ones heart... But, as I've figured, you always leave a little piece..
Wonderful job on this one, your emotion is very strong in this... And it is very well written
Great job
-
OMG, LOVE!!!
My bf just broke up w/ me and this is so great, i can apply it to every situation, even my friends! love love love!!!!!
-
i think this poem says a lot about having your heart broke it has so many words and so much to say, i think in those two questions IMO that you should take out the "again" s i think they are a bit over used in this poem, allthough they do tell more deeply this is a great poem and good luck in the contests, keep writing, -Amy
-
you were hurt by someone. it shows. gest of luck to you.
-
This is so sad and heartfelt... The emotions leap of the page and into the hearts of the readers... Wonderful job with this. Keep up the good work.
-
Seems like everyone goes through this at some point...you get hurt and wonder if you'll ever be able to trust again. Well, it's not easy, but one day
Short, sweet and great concept.
Keep up the great work! -
Amazing piece. It was very well written, and all of the words paint an amazing picture. It doesn't quite flow well when I read it, but the language and imagery more than make up for this. Excellent piece, thanks for sharing.
-
I know how you feel. I wish I could take my heart back from a few guys. Good luck in your contests. Best wishes in all your future writes.
-
I really like this. I think that you have done a wonderful job with this one. Nicely done.
-
So hard to do this - once your heart has been hurt, hard to get it back and mending. We give our love so easily, and it can be hurt just that easily too. Think we learn from this and hopefully will not do it again. You will trust again, but it might take a while. Sentiments well expressed in these lines. Keep writing.
-
ehhh..r u 12? wooooooooow are u good!!!thats amazing, ur a talented young girl!!!wonderful
check mine out. best poem so far
-
very nicely written. your words were clear and to the point. I could fell your hurt as i read this. i want to give you a hug and tell you thing will get better. thanks for the read and keep on writing
-
good
I liked this poem it really shows that you got your point across! A pen in the hand can always lead to something beautiful on paper! Keep writting!
-
Just look at the positive side,...maybe she is just not your soulmate. No need to be angry, just find somebody that make you feel peace in soul and mind.
Very well express
-
Honey. You are young, no matter how much it hurts, in time and by God's grace your heart will heal and you will learn to love again. I know the pain you are feeling though. It will be hard for a while to trust another, but in time you will learn to trust again and you will become stronger, I promise.
-
Cool
Very well packaged piece of poetry here and fine word chices for maximum imagery and emortion. ~Gar -
Ahhh... I get the impression that this holds emotions that are much deeper than one might expect on that first initial read though and appearance. Thank you for sharing and best wishes to you in all of your endeavors. Keep that pen handy and ever ready for use dear poet.
♥ Touchof1der -
wow this is so good and i pity the person who did this to you because no one should have to feel this pain great job with this i love it keep writing and shareing your feeling
-
Wow!! Been there before. Very intimate poem. Best of luck in the contest.
-
greatly worded
great write
very painful
and absolutely love your sentiment that you will be happy again just to prevent her from harming anyone else that way
-
I think you were trying to express a particular feeling and that may have been detrimental to some of the language and style in the poem. The theme was expressed strongly however, but you overused the word 'again' for instance.
-
well this was one strong write i will give you that much, i liked it i think you layed your feelings out clearly in the poem, and it was just great i hope you do well in your contest,
nessa -
Wow..... really great. I felt the emotion and I have totally been there. Great job and good luck.
-
cliche although the theme here is quite powerful ^^
and the words you've written pretty much are straightforward to support this piece.
i like this, all right n.n -
Break ups suck! Ive been there this past few weeks and can really feel what you mean here!
-
i love it i felt like that a month ago and was feeling like that for two years til i met my bf well anyways amazing write i really can relate to it keep up the good work!!!
-
I like how you move on not for your own good but just to steal the would be satisfaction from your offender. Not usually the motivation most people get from this sort of situation but honestly anything that motivates you in the right direction is good.
Keep it up.
JADA -
This was in interesting piece. I can see you really dug deep for this write. It read very well and your message is loud and clear.
Well done.
Keep up the good work.
-
extremly heartfelt!!! i can totally feel it!
peace, love, & cheese -
this is such a good emotional and person poem. its so heartfelt and sad. and so many people can relate to it. well done!
-
profound indeed. i understand the hurt that youve sustained. youre writing is simple and clear, which im thinking was perfectly intentional to shout to the world how resentful you are, with good reason i suspect. GJ
-
I felt the same..
at a point,
in my life.
Not anymore though
thank God.
Anyways,
i think that this
is a really good write.
...Simply Me♥ -
really good write, and so true. letting someone know how much they can hurt others is definately something i would try to prevent as well. i do think that if you could split up the lines perhaps it would make it easier to read. good job on this though.
-
An enjoyable piece of poetry, the heart is duarable, it will get damaged many times as time flies by, but it is strong, a good poem.
-
It sounds a bit clique but
I could understand what you
meant.
I think you used the word "again"
a little too much. 5 times.
-
I don't see anything wrong with this poem. It is a very good poem indeed.
-
this is amazing... i can feel the emotions behind this... great job.. and you're right... the best thing to do is to make them know that you aren't gonna be hurt by tehm again.
Great job!
-
This is a poem that everyone can relate to... I don't know how to tell you to make it better, it is your creation... but I think if you were to format this differently and maybe make it longer - add some imagery and metaphor... personally I like it like this, simple and honest... well done, I enjoyed this very much
Keep writing
Polly -
Something that we will all be able to relate with. It seems we all have a love like this in our life. Maybe it is a lesson for us to reconize true love when it arrives. I am sorry you had to experience this ..but life will be better around the corner of love..thanks for sharing
-
Looks good, I don't see anything wrong with it or anything really to suggest you change it, the flow and feeling of it work well with the theme of the poetry. Good work
later
Romeo
-
Excellent
I feel u on this one. I get so tired of being hurt over and over again by the same people. They think nothing of it they just blow it off like nothings wrong while you're sitting there questioning yourself if somethings wrong with u. Am I pretty enough? Did I love them enough? Is there something wrong with my personality? People just dont understand the pain they inflict on us just by walking out or God knows whatever else. But anyways Good Write. Keep it up! -
whoa this is good writing!! I certainly can understand where you're coming from on this one lol.
You spilled you guts out here and I admire you for it! It is sure to ring some bells lol.
SilverButterfly
-
Sometimes a heart is so broken that one doesn't want it back, but just wants to let it be. Sentiments well expressed in these lines; can feel the pain in your words, and the wish for something better. Easy to read and understand, good flow and message shared here.
-
I like this...I think everyone feels this once in their life, sometimes more than once, but in the end we all find some kind of medicine that heals our broken hearts and sews them back together again. I hope you do to
-
or someone else will bear the consequences again.
And I would never wish that upon anyone,
so I'll take my heart back again.
Ah..I can see your heart is in pain..and you are in shock..and such is life..the love is blessing in the life..but sometimes it itself become the curse and left us in to the verse conditons which are sometimes beyond to the tolerance as well..you are very sensitively shown the poetic strength of your heart here..a great piece is here...
-
Reminds me a bit of Careless Whisper! really nicely written poem, well done
-
oh yeah, i LOVE the title!
-
good
its a little bit rocky to read but really like it.
-
Very nicely done, I have been in the situation you write about, it's no fun at all, in fact it just plain sucks. best of luck...Scott
Adding your comment:
