Ditch the ads, upload images and much more - upgrade today from 5.95/month!
Read • Contests • Groups • Learn • Forums • Store • Help
 

They Ask Why

 

The trembling roar of the guns sound,

As buildings and homes are destroyed,

And bodies now litter foreign ground.

The pain and suffering now abound,

As sons and brothers now deployed,

The trembling roar of the guns sound.

Boys quickly become men soon resound,

Mothers cries in fear is soon annoyed,

And bodies now litter foreign ground.

The soldiers understanding is profound,

Children whose innocence now decoyed,

The trembling roar of the guns sound.

Reasoning behind war leaves us confound,

Loss of young lives leaving an empty void,

And bodies now litter foreign ground.

Waste of life now is compound,

By the waste of youth never enjoyed,

The trembling roar of the guns sound,

And bodies now litter foreign ground.

 

Pain we now share, peace never seen.

The young boys caught up in between.

From guns and bombs now they all hide,

Confusion now their bitter guide.

     Dangers and trials lie unseen.

Watch over this young brave marine,

No more in these young lives routine.

Caution and wisdom now applied.

     Peace never seen.

Sleep at night no longer serene,

With dreams mixed with fear in between.

Friends made with secrets they confide,

Thoughts of home leave signs they have cried.

Gathered above the brave convene.

     Peace never seen.

 

Alone in the dark with sweet dreams of you,

Remembering when we were together.

When I return dear, we shall start anew,

For there is nothing that we can’t weather.

Family means more than it did before,

And you my sweet love, I truly adore.

Children we’ll have, when again I’m home,

Never again shall we then be alone.

In God’s hands, I have now put my trust,

These fears in my heart I must now suppress.

So I dream of your arms and sweet caress,

Without you now, my life, I must adjust.

Wait for me my love, we will soon be one,

For I shall be home, when this war is done.

 

Forgot the reason it began,

Endless are wars, never ceasing.

This could not have been in His plans,

Forgot the reason it began.

But I shall do all that I can,

Soldiers deaths are now increasing.

Forgot the reason it began,

Endless are wars, never ceasing.

 

Let there never be

Another war to begin

Let the youth survive

 

 

 

 

Author notes

First stanza is a complete 19 line Villanelle-rhyme scheme aba aba aba aba aba abaa.

Second Stanza is a complete 15 line Rondeau-rhyme scheme aabba aabR aabbaR.

Third Stanza is a complete 14 line Pushkin Sonnet-rhyme scheme abab ccdd eff egg each line has 10 syllables.

Fourth Stanza is a complete 8 line Triolet-lines 1,4 and 7 repeat, as well as line 2 & 8 repeating. Rhyme scheme is ABaAabAB. Each line has 8 syllables.

Fifth Stanza is a Haiku- syllable count 5,7,5


X x f r e e s p i r i t 5 1 x X

Claire, black, 2, reunited

In a list

A contest entry

Please tell me what you think

    : , Your review:

    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
    • Line numbers  • Invite them to read
    : no Cost: 0 free left 0 points, You have (?)

Comments

1 - 99 of 119     1 2  next >  (show all)

  • Ktulu Blackwolfe silver member
    April 19

    Edit | Reply
    First of all, this is a very impressive write here. Second..I see that this is going to be an interesting little challenge. lol

    Good luck

    ~Patrick~


  • xxRainbowDawnxx
    April 3

    Edit | Reply
    Very beautiful write that leaves you in suspense. Reminds me of wartime poetry in many ways.
    reuinted is a nice word


  • T.o.r.t.u.r.e. gold member
    March 29
    Edit | Reply
    • if you would please space your name out in your AN like this : X x D r o w n . M e . D r y X x . Just out a space between each of your letters. Please. If you chose not to thats fine but i would like you you give me a reason. Thank you for putting your username in you’re an but I need it spaced as previously specified.


  • KKtheGreat
    February 12

    Edit | Reply
    I truly truly loved this poem. No doubt about it deserved the gold. The emotion evoked from the writing nearly brought me to tears. Thank you for also reaching to all aspects to the subject and not just focusing on one. A unforgetful masterpiece.


  • SomeonesToySoldier gold member
    February 8

    Edit | Reply
    Wow an Incredable piece. Although I didn't know the names of the different types of style you used I have recognized them as the form that some of my mentors have used in thier poems. The biggest thing that drew me in with this poem is the emotion in it and I very much enjoyed how you left the politics of it out and foces on the soldier(marine in this case)themselves. Thank you for entering this great poem in my contest.


    • freespirit51
      February 10
      Edit | Reply

      SomeonesToySoldier

      Thanks so much for the gold. I am glad you enjoyed this piece. It was a real challenge to write it. As you can see in my notes there are 5 different forms in this poem...Thanks again.


  • BabyBun silver member
    November 3, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    Hi - thanks for entering my contest - I enjoyed this. Best of luck!


  • SignifyingNothing
    August 4, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    Major kudos for mastering so many forms so well. This reads like many poems in one, and it is definitely deserving of its trophies. I am a sucker for a good villinelle, and I know how hard this form is to master, having tried it myself a few times with varying success. I really liked this and the effort you put in is clear. Thanks for entering.


  • Florida Sunshine
    May 26, 2008

    Edit | Reply

    Where do I begin? So much heart and soul went into this piece.  I for one, take special exception to a piece with multiple forms including, free form to the strictest of forms.  I am familar with all the form except Pushkin Sonnet-rhyme.   Let me start out with my favorites -- beginning in the 2nd stanza [Rondeau-rhyme scheme]captured my attention.  I really can't put my finger on just one section that I enjoyed; I believe it was the entire stanza as a 'unit' that made it leap off the page.

     

    Next, was the fourth stanza [Triolet-lines] I honestly feel this stanza is the heart of the write. This stanza squeezes out all the compasion one could have regardless of which view point you stand in regards to 'any' war.

     

    Finally, the fifth stanza [Haiku].  This I give you three cheers ~ and agree whole-heartedly!

     

    Your first stanza enjoyed as well.  When I first started to read it and I came to the six line I recognized the form.  But, it wasn't exactly as I had remembered a 'Villanelle' is set, so it threw me a little off track.

     

    Your third stanza is also beautifully written as it takes a different perspective. The only thing you might want to fix is "For/ there’s/ noth/ing /we/ can’t/ weath/er./" is only 8 syllables not 10.  ~ Personally I double checked each of your form in every stanza.  With the exception of that one line they are all exactly as they should.  ~  I just figured you'd want to know.

     

    Overall, I read your poem straight through from start to finish.  I read it there-after many more times more-so for me to get the feel of proper sound.   No it doesn't mean you piece is a difficult read, there is just so much involved in it -- I really didn't want to miss a thing! The piece is touching as it carries you through start to finish with hopes of the future.

     

     

    I do appreciate you entering the contest to help salute the Memorial Day Heroes!

     


  • Manda Kathryn Greeters member
    April 13, 2008
    Edit | Reply

    WOW

    Reading this I could hear the ror of guns sounding and images of youths not experiencing their wonder years ... Amazing write that has left me pretty speechless!

    Congrats on the trophies this has won! Well deserved

    ♥
    Stay safe
    ~Manda


  • SpiritMother
    March 21, 2008

    Edit | Reply

    Exquistite writing..

    Wonderful way this was put together, I enjoyed the reading tremendously..I don't believe I have read a poem that used so many types in one write. Very well done..I'm glad you explained in the authors notes, how this was written.


  • Lyrical Rain
    March 21, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    Another true poem about war. I loved it and I think that a lot of people can relate to this.


  • storiesuntold gold member
    March 8, 2008

    Edit | Reply

    Good write here

    So true and yes many tears falls as our young men and women in the fight to keep us free here in our homeland God bless all our men and women who goes into danger for us back home .


  • BloodmoonFox
    March 3, 2008
    Edit | Reply

    wow

    and now i know y u have all those trophys lol u are great at this poem stuff great job keep it up


  • grannyeri gold member
    January 4, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    Quite the wonderful collection of poetic forms you have written in this poem. Liked the variety and the relationship between them all.


  • ShelleyA gold member
    January 3, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    A very creative write. Skillfully crafted forms. Very good imagery, flow, tone and rhyme. Vivid descriptives. Deep expression of emotion. Well penned and much enjoyed.


  • Seraph
    January 1, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Sorry, but I have to DQ you for failing to adhere to the length limit (6-50 lines). I encourage you to reread the rules and enter another poem. Thanks!


  • raggyann
    December 29, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    i only know that this poem spoke volumes
    it wasso well written
    your words captured me

    • freespirit51
      December 29, 2007
      Edit | Reply

      raggyann

      Thanks so much for your wonderful words. I am glad you enjoyed this piece. It was a joy and a real challenge to write.


  • Mallig gold member
    December 28, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    This is really impressive, I have never seen forms combined in this way, and each stanza is a great piece on its own. Tremendous! Congratulations and good luck!

    • freespirit51
      December 29, 2007
      Edit | Reply

      Mallig

      Thanks for the kind words. I am so glad you enjoyed it. This was what the original host of a contest wanted and then he never judged it. But I enjoyed the challenge.


  • RedwingSpirit silver member
    December 28, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    freespirit51 This is really Great My cousin is off to war right now. Missed his babies first Christmas. I love how you used several forms in this . Thank you for entering this into my contest I wish you the best of Luck and congratulations on the previously won trophies

    • freespirit51
      December 29, 2007
      Edit | Reply

      RedwingSpirit

      Thanks so much for your kind words and I am glad you enjoyed it. I hope it touched your heart, even if only in a small way. ..Know My prayers for your cousin are in my thoughts...My best wishes for his soon and safe return to his family.


  • DawnBaby
    December 21, 2007

    Edit | Reply

    Wonderful Piece of Writing

    Being anti-war this piece spoke volumes to me! I very much enjoyed the way it was written as well. Excellent job on this piece FreeSpirit51 and congratulations on your well deserved Gold and Silver trophies!


    • freespirit51
      December 21, 2007
      Edit | Reply

      DawnBaby

      Thanks for your generous words on this piece. I am glad you enjoyed it.


  • Whispering Wind Moderators member
    December 5, 2007

    Edit | Reply

    Your words of truth do break my heart and cause the tears to flow*cry*

    The wisdom of your words I do wish could be read by all...If only man could get along and stop this killings of war...Bravo my Little Wind Bravo!!!...


    • freespirit51
      December 5, 2007
      Edit | Reply

      Tender wolf

      Thanks so much for your wonderful words my sweet sister. I am glad it touched your heart.


  • BluesMan gold member
    November 28, 2007
    Edit | Reply

    I am a novice at all these types of poetry, but I was impressed at how you pieced them together and it has encouraged me to learn more

    • freespirit51
      November 28, 2007
      Edit | Reply

      WWildBill

      Thanks for your wonderful words. I am glad this piece has inspired you to learn more about different poetry stles. The more I do them the better I like them.


  • Sandal
    November 21, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    This compound poem of many forms is an ambitious undertaking, I salute you. In the villanelle, do you mean "confused" to end a line?

    This is a very good collection, with several viewpoints on wars and the current war, ending with a strong message of peace. There are too many human losses and griefs for me to comprehend; this is a good message for Veterans' or Memorial Day. Well done.

    • freespirit51
      November 21, 2007
      Edit | Reply

      Sandal

      Thanks for your wonderful and kind words. I am glad you enjoyed the variety of poems in the poem. It was a great challenge and I thank you for bringing the typo to my attention. I fixed it. It was to be "confound".


  • Haiku-bless-you silver member
    November 18, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    I've already read and commented on this fine poem but it bears re-reading. Well written poem, thanks for sharing!

    Dennis


  • The Poetic Bandits gold member
    November 18, 2007

    Edit | Reply

    9pts...

    Thank you for this wonderful contribution to The Poetic Bandits reading list

    ~Lilac


  • Sonja
    November 18, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    Very complex poem but also with a lot o powerful and vivid descriptions, a lot of emotions, questions...Actually and honesty, I do not like this theme, and if you want to know why, read one of my recent posted poem. Anyhow, it must be said...maybe somewhere, somebody will listen to us.
    ~Sonja~


    • freespirit51
      November 18, 2007
      Edit | Reply

      Sonja

      Thanks for your kind words. I am glad you enjoyed the piece, despite your personal feelings.


  • Polaja Greeters member
    November 17, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    I loved the first stanza... not to say that the rest aren't amazing - I just love villanelles ... I loved that your words were so strong and so sincere... the rhyming of words such as 'ceasing' really drew me along... a wonderous poem all together

    Keep writing

    Polly


  • Sver
    November 16, 2007

    Edit | Reply

    Powerful

    I'm not knowledgeable on rhyme schemes at all but it seems you are. I really think it is strong and moving.It reminded me of how painful war can be for the youth.


    • freespirit51
      November 17, 2007
      Edit | Reply

      Sver

      So glad this found it's way into your heart. I thank you for the kind comment.


  • Lady Altheia
    November 14, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    This is a really long poem about the tragedies of war. It is alot to think about and absorb. I wasn't able to read the whole thing

    • freespirit51
      November 14, 2007
      Edit | Reply

      Lady Altheia

      Thanks for your kind words.Sorry for the length but I believe it was what was requested from the contest host. Thanks again.

  • midnightblue1272
    November 13, 2007
    Edit | Reply

    Powerful

    This is powerful stuff! 'Nuff said.


  • RatherImaginative silver member
    November 13, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    My brother did a tour in Iraq a couple years ago, and my mother had her faith to help her not to worry about him. Yours is a powerfully emotional poem and a reminder to give our soldiers the support they need and deserve. I liked the way you used a different form for each stanza. It was a very nice touch.

    • freespirit51
      November 13, 2007
      Edit | Reply

      RatherImaginative

      Thanks for your wonderful words and my thanks to our brother for fighting for his country. I hope he is safe at home with all of you now.


  • Frodofan silver member
    November 13, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    Knew I'd read this before. Just commenting so that it shows up in the reading list. Best of luck in the challenges you're entered in.

    • freespirit51
      November 13, 2007
      Edit | Reply

      Frodofan

      Thanks for your time again. I eneteresd late last week and did not realize about all this points and stuff. I'm also new to the Bandits so I'm still learning as well.


  • Rita Krocha
    November 13, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    Very gripping! Felt like watching a really nice war movie....the kind that always made me cry and literally sob away...it always pains me to think that there are those who have to give up many things in life for the sake of war.

    You have really done an impressive job with this one!
    Have wholly enjoyed


    • freespirit51
      November 13, 2007
      Edit | Reply

      Spring Dale

      Thanks so much for your kind words. Maybe someday they will have a war and nobody will go.


  • Artistic-Soul
    November 13, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    this was in the list last week wasn't it
    well if it wasnt ill just say it again because i know ive seen this somewhere before
    the haiku is awesome i love it

    • freespirit51
      November 13, 2007
      Edit | Reply

      Romantic-Dreamer

      Yes it was, but it only made tha last day or so. I relisted it again to get the full week. Thanks again for reading .


  • ronnica
    November 13, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    Very imaginative and thoughtful write in particular I liked his dreams of home, words flowed nicely it really rings as it must have been for him- then "Let there never be another War."
    and so say all of us


    • freespirit51
      November 13, 2007
      Edit | Reply

      ronnica

      Thanks for your wonderful words. I am pleased you enjoyed it.

  • grannyeri gold member
    November 12, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    Such a varity of potic forms usd in this poem. Sad topic to write about. Why wars for sure, why death of young men and women? Thought the ending well written as well.

    • freespirit51
      November 12, 2007
      Edit | Reply

      grannyeri

      Thanks for your sweet words. It was indeed a hard subject to write about as I did not want to upset anyone. Thanks for reading.


  • warrior-eagle
    November 12, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    This was great,sad,emotional and just simply great.
    It reminded me of a speaker I heard,a veteran from Vietnam how he described such things as this and said that there are no good wars. Anyhow, this poem brought that back to me and a certain pain for people that have family in any kind of war. Good job.

    ...Simply Me♥

    • freespirit51
      November 12, 2007
      Edit | Reply

      Warrior-Eagle

      Thanks for your very kind and touching words. I am glad this touched you in some small way even if for an instant..


  • Razor-Blade Romance
    November 12, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    Omg this poem is very sad, emotional and very strong.
    I loved this piece very much. This really is a remarkable piece of writing. One that shows the true sophistication of its author.
    Well DONE


    • freespirit51
      November 12, 2007
      Edit | Reply

      Razor-Blade Romance

      Thanks for your very inspiring words. I am really glad it touched you.


  • ZachP gold member
    November 12, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    just falling back in for another read of this wonderful scribe


  • Gods-Artgal
    November 12, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    This is a great poem. What was your inspiration for writing this poem.

    • freespirit51
      November 12, 2007
      Edit | Reply

      Gods-Artgal

      Thanks for the kind words. I am a WWII buff and I love d the series JAG. When this contest came up and it was political (who cares) or against the war, it was easy to see where my heart went. And I liked the challenge of the five forms in one piece.


  • quantumsurveyor
    November 12, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    As someone has pointed out, let the politicos go hand to hand and then there will be no crying mothers and souls lost too early. You highlight those dastard crimes crying out heaven for vengeance. Will humanity never learn the lessons of history?

    • freespirit51
      November 12, 2007
      Edit | Reply

      quantumsurveyor

      Thanks for the time you took to read my piece and I agree with you. If the big wigs want to go to war let them fight it out between them. Then i don't think there would be all these damn wars all over the place.


  • Prison of Lyme
    November 12, 2007

    Edit | Reply

    Very powerful

    you have a lot to say. I hate war I think the world is going to hell in a hand bag just for the all mighty dollar. It's sad!


  • Times Change
    November 12, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    amazing i love it


  • arafura gold member
    November 11, 2007

    Edit | Reply

    let the youth survive...

    Yes let the youth survive! If the old men in power want war... then let them be the ones who lay their lives on the lines. Very expressive and compassionate penning my friend! Good luck in the contest!


  • THCme
    November 11, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    Thank you so much for your thought provoking words they will forever paint an image in My heart
    Leah Brown

    • freespirit51
      November 12, 2007
      Edit | Reply

      arafura

      Thanks old friend for your generous words. I am very glad you enjoyed it. Hope it touched you in some small way.


    • freespirit51
      November 12, 2007
      Edit | Reply

      THCme

      Thanks for your sweet words. I am glad this piece touched you in some small way.


  • The Poetic Bandits gold member
    November 11, 2007
    Edit | Reply

    9pts...

    Thanks so much for this contribution to The Poetic Bandits reading list

    ~Lilac

  • piccola silver member
    November 11, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    I have never tried this form but you seem to have mastered it. Lots of time and thought went into your write and it is much appreciated.

    • freespirit51
      November 11, 2007
      Edit | Reply

      a-bear

      Thanks for the kind words my friend. It was five forms in one poem. Each stanza was a different form. I had writen 4 of the 5 forms before and only the Triolet was new to me. Thanks for reading.

  • ZachP gold member
    November 11, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    wow.. I remember looking at the entry for this contest, and just having my brains blown out...

    but you've done it, and excellently, at that . Nice thank you for sharing, and good luck

    • freespirit51
      November 11, 2007
      Edit | Reply

      Rosewood Angel

      Thanks so much for your kind words. I had a hard time resisting this contest. My muse insisted on writng something for this contest. And she usually gets her own way.


  • FillysEmbrace
    November 11, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    this is really great i know i could never write anything this good... im not really that all good at poetry but i like to read it i would give you three applaud but i dont have enough poits to applaud enyone anymore

    • freespirit51
      November 11, 2007
      Edit | Reply

      FillysEmbrace

      Thanks so much for your very kind words. I try not to write above myself so that most people can understand what I write. I thank you for reading.

  • Artistic-Soul
    November 11, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    this is a wonderful way to honor those who fight for our country but more than that this is an amazing chunk of poetry i say chunk because that a lot of poetry for a single poem and each line was as incredible as the last up to the last
    very well penned
    the structure was a good choice it made it more uniform furthering the connection to the armed forces and giving it a wonderful sense of rythm
    i really liked that last stanza ive always been a fan of haikus they express so much in so little so i thought that made an excellent way to wrap up this poem

    • freespirit51
      November 11, 2007
      Edit | Reply

      Romantic-Dreamer

      Thanks for your wonderful words. It was an interesting piece to write as well. As for the forms I only wrote as per required by the host. That is who required the Haiku but I agree it was an interesting style to write five different forms in one poem.


  • Twinstar
    November 11, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    A wonderful tribute to our soldiers. very nicely done and I like the different forms that you applied within this piece, great job on this!
    Love & Light
    Debbera

    • freespirit51
      November 11, 2007
      Edit | Reply

      Twinstar

      Thanks so much for your terrific comment and am glad you enjoyed the piece. It was an interesting piece to write as well.

  • Frodofan silver member
    November 11, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    Interesting. I can see you put a lot of effort into this. Hurrah for our veterans and everyone defending our country. Very relevant today.

    • freespirit51
      November 11, 2007
      Edit | Reply

      Frodofan

      Thanks for your wonderful comment. I agree it is fitting for today. And I too give a HURRAY for our vetrans past and presant.

  • Haiku-bless-you silver member
    November 11, 2007
    Edit | Reply

    I salute you and the soldiers you honor

    I am really impressed with this multi-form poem and the coherrent message and depth of feeling you have reached.

    You say the things many of us feel yet have not expressed.

    Although you have crafted this poem with multiple forms there is a continuiety in theme and purpose that makes this an excellent work. I salute you my Bandit Friend. Well Done

    Dennis

    • freespirit51
      November 11, 2007
      Edit | Reply

      Haiku-bless-you

      Thanks so much for your great words. It was not an easy piece to write and it was also my first attempt to write about this subject.


  • sunny day
    November 11, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    What a beautiful tribute to the servicemen and women who forever strive to keep us safe from harm. I love how you incorporated the different forms into this piece. You did more than justice with your words here and I say kudos to you for such a fine piece. Best wishes for you in the contest and thank you for sharing the gift of your pen with all of us. Love and God bless you my friend, Joyce

    • freespirit51
      November 11, 2007
      Edit | Reply

      sunny day

      Thanks for your wonderful words. I am glad you enjoyed this piece. It was a real challenge for me as well. Thanks for reading.

  • ShelleyA gold member
    November 11, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    A very good write. Skillfully crafted. Good imagery, flow and tone. Deep expression of emotion. Best wishes in the contest.


  • anaisnais
    November 11, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    Form new to me but educating none the less and on a subject close to heart...remembering those...on which I have recently written.


    • freespirit51
      November 11, 2007
      Edit | Reply

      anaisnais

      Thanks for reading and glad you enjoyed it.The piece was a combination of 5 different poetry forms.

1 - 99 of 119     1 2  next >  (show all)