Sharp, cold the off shore rain
complains of aches and how the wind
has stolen it from the sea. It penetrates
my clothes, raises bumps on my skin, steals
what little warmth hides in my hands.
I can smell the waves long before
I can hear them, feel the way they fall
before I see their froth’s course fill
the horizon. I always knew your shadow,
the after shave’s sharp sting on the face, your heat
strong shoulder’s absorbing my tears.
Salt bites the tongue, sharpens
the savor of flavors. Brine preserves
transforms. I taste it in every streak
you kissed from my dirty face.
I can remember. Memories have their own flame.
It gutters and dies when the floors creak.
I turn my head to where I would find your smile.
Then, I know, even the house remembers how you
moved. Anger mixes with pain, my shoulders sag
under the weight of the memory of hands.
1:56 PM
11/09/07
Alexandria H. D., VA
In a list
A contest entry
- Shipwrecked by Lyrical Soul.
900 points, ended November 16, 2007, 14 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 16 of 16
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Stunning, Tom!! So beautifully penned, You have touched all the senses with this, especially the sense of smell....the one that seems to instill the most memories, bringing them rushing back with every inhalation. Love how you centered on "salt" in this. a little, and the flavor of the memory is enhanced....too much, and it's overpowered by the "caustic stinging" of pain, and gone. Love the analogy of it. Wonderfully woven, my friend....and SO deserving! KUDOS!!
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I wanted to catch the effect of "salt" and you are very right in your understanding of how I used it. I often say cynicism is like salt. A little brings out the flavor of the thoughts, too much kills any idea.
This also was written to catch how we sense the world in the dream like state of memory, for grief is how we can not create new ones and don't want to live with just rememeberings. Thanks for the beautiful review.
Love, Tom B.
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more than deserving, a very haunting write, full of the rich timeless elements of the sea... congratulations.
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I focused on salt. It brings out flavor until too much of it kills the taste of everything. It preserves and it takes from us the water that brings life. Thanks for all of your kind words.
Love, Tom B.
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Robin (Lyrical Soul) asked me to help with the judging. She was in a very serious car accident about 2 weeks ago and was injured to such an extent that it’s difficult for her to judge the contest on her own. Because of an eye injury reading the entries is also a problem. I’m reading and commenting on the entries on her behalf and then we’ll discuss it. Thank you for understanding!
This is a lovely poem - sad and nostalgic, a remembrace in salt, after shave and brine... loved the sounds, colours and scents you've weaved into this one. They say that the sense of smell is the one that stays the longest in the memory - and the sea so often makes us remember those scents. A very moving and poignant piece of writing. Thank you for this entry.
~ Nicolette
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From the memory comes the scents and from the scents memories are awoken. In reliving the memories we re-experience the gifts and realize how much we miss the giver.
Thanks for your insights on reading these simple words. My support and respect for being so willing to help and suport Robin. May all go down the most postive path for the best of possible results.
Love, Tom B.
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Love, Tom B.
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Excellent! The metaphor and personification made on this piece opens the mind. I love it!
Lines I will never forget:
"Salt bites the tongue, sharpens
the savor of flavors. Brine preserves
transforms. I taste it in every streak
you kissed from my dirty face."
Thanks for sharing and keep writing fellow poet.
Virgoan
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As writers we paint with the colors of the emotions and take the whole world hostage to explain them. I am glad that you enjoyed this journey into memory and loss. I hope that the vision I provided opens your heart a little wider and makes you more tender in experiencing your life.
Peace & Love, Tom B.
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You Hit Home With Me
Your word choice is amazing, The ocean, briny, with its sharpness. I just know you're speaking of an grandfather or father because the second verse made me see a man holding his son as he cried on his fathers shoulder. You are shipwrecked, and lost in you childhood memories of compassion. This is a most wonderful piece. It touched my heart, and it reminded me how much I miss my own father.....excellent work...novy
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The contest was about a father's death. My father was a Naval Officer, far happier at sea or in the mountains than anywhere else. As my mother said he was always the man you wanted around in an emergency because he always knew what to do. Thanks for letting me now this sang so clearly of the paternal relationship. Yes, when they are gone we are metaphorically ship wrecked upon the shoals of our hearts.
Love, Tom B.
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the memories stills the heart as we all look back. they beckon us to relive that which can not be relived.
Nice touch on this. drawing the reader in as normal to the sorrowful calls of emotions and the seas.
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The center of this one is salt. The sea came second and then the memories of being touched by someone loved very much. A father perhaps. Glad you enjoyed.
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Wow! This is a diversion from the normal subject matter but stills rings with your elloquent touch. I think this some very powerful imagery that speaks volumes. Whether a literal shipwreck or a metaphor for a lost soul, it is awesome! Good luck on this entry...
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This is just a moment of sadness, a salute to fathers gone away. I chose salt for some reason as my symbol and this was the result. Thanks for enjoying it so much. Love, Tom B.
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